flump1

I was just wondering if there was anyone else on here in a similar position to me,
i had a miscarriage about 4 weeks ago now and even though i wasnt planning to get pregnant we were really happy about it and were devestated when i m/c at 11 weeks. As it wasnt planned we are now wtt until after we get married in may 2010. But im finding it really hard!! i really feel like i cant wait that long after getting into the idea that i was going to be a mum and looking forward to it i find it really hard to think i now have to wait at least 2 years till it will happen its not that we are in a bad position to have a baby, we have our own place, we'v been together for 5 1/2 years and my partner has a very good job but we just feel it would be a more responsible thing to do and my partener still feels like he wants to buy himself things and go on holidays alone etc.
i do agree with him in some ways and i'am going to wait but i just wondered if there's anyone else out there who's in a similar position and knows how to get through it??

xxxxxx

Sambatiki

Hi Flump

So sorry for your loss

You are in my position exactly. DF and I also planned to get hitched 2010. But had a MC in April. But after lots of shall we shan't we convo's. We've decided to put the wedding on hold. For me the MC has put everything into perspective. Originally I had very traditional views that we should be married, when I found out I was preg I was pleased but upset that we weren't doing it all in the 'right' order. Now I'd rather have a LO instead. Getting married isn't everything, Id would rather have my little boy or girl as pageboy or bridesmaid at our wedding.

So now we are on the road of TTC, its been hard tho. But we've got through the worst now.

Does ur DF know how you feel???

I hope that it all works out for you hun. Keep me posted



Kerry

porkpie1981

my 1st was unplanned but this one was but had a mc. Its terrible as im at uni and i know i should wait but i really want to ttc now. I swear i just think to myself if i wait something else will go wrong.

Also as sum1 said b4 theres never a good time eg weddings, uni, money etc etc

maccy

I'm not in the same position but wanted to say hi, welcome to the WTTC thread and I understand it must feel like it's impossible to wait. I had my miscarriage nearly 5 weeks ago and can't wait to try again. Big to you.

BexQ

So sorry to hear of recent loss, reading your post brought back the emotions I went through when I m/c.

I had a surprise pregnancy but we both starting looking forward to our new arrival.

I then m/c and my partner confirmed whilst he had been looking forward to the baby he wasn't ready to actively try. It broke my heart and put a strain on the relationship and we eventually parted ways.

I have been with my new partner for a couple of years and had planned to marry next and it was the sensible to marry before having kids.

However, after a recent talk we both realised that whilst marrying first was the sensible thing it wasn't what we wanted most, which was a baby.

Now I am not for a minute saying what happened to me and my partner will happen to you but I think you really need to talk things through with your OH and let him know how you feel - which I failed to do, kept things bottled up which is probably why we split. He may be feeling the same as you but doesn't want to say.

Just be totally honest with your OH and let him know how you're feeling.

flump1

Thankyou everyone for your replies, it has made me feel a bit better hearing your experiences, im sorry for those of you that have also suffered a m/c its such an awful thing to go through. hopefully i will start to feel better soon tho.

I agree with you Sambatiki that having the m/c has put everything into perspective. spending all that money on one day can seem such a waste when we could be spending time with our own LO as this is whats more important to me and then we could think about marriage at a later date. i have mentioned it to my DF a couple of times but i think im going to sit him down properly and tell him how i feel and see what he says, after all he hasnt spoken to me much about how he feels so mayb i will b surprised.

i can see how it can break down a relationship, i really hope we will be strong enough to get through it. but sometimes i have so many different emotions at the moment i cant help but feel angry towards my DF sometimes as he doesnt actively show his emotions like i do so i feel like its not as important to him as it is to me.

xxx

Sambatiki

Hi Flump

If you are anything like me you'll go through every single emotion under the sun!!
I also go through days of desperately wanting a baby and days of being so scared too.

Its an emotional rollercoaster !!

Good luck flump with the heart to heart



Kerry