Head Vs Heart?

nessajane · Mar 8th, 2010, 01:44 AM

Ill Explain...

Basically we are unsure when to start TTC No.2, i want a smallish age gap between our kids so ideally we should start trying now for a 2.5 year gap this is what my head is telling me to do, but my heart is just not in it atm

im worried about coping with 2 children, being pregnant again, having PND again

Im bridesmaid next september for my BF so catching pregnant next year is a no no as i dont want to be a pregnant bridesmaid but if we wait till after then there will be a 4 year age gap

i have to decide sooonn

babesx3 · Mar 8th, 2010, 02:48 AM

If it was me i'd go for it!! you can never tell how long its gonna take to concieve, 2 1/2 years is a good age gap (much bigger than any of mine), personally lokking at my kids i think they get so much out of each other having a small age gap, and love playing with each other. I don't know much about pnd, but if you are aware of it u can monitor it and get on meds as soon as u can see the signs!! and it may not happen 2nd time!! fingers crossed!!
of course pregnancy will be harder when you already have a child to look after, but if you look at the big picture, its only really 8 months out of your life, which isn't much reallly!!
of course only u can make a decision like this....... good luck!!

Deeper Blue · Mar 8th, 2010, 03:20 AM

I'm generally a big fan of doing what your heart tells you. Even if it's not practical or whatever if it's what you feel is right in your heart then you'll make it work. It is a difficult decision though and only you know what feels like the right choice. What does your OH think? Maybe since you know that PND is a possibility OH could make a real effort and take on the lions share of looking after the kiddies initially?

x

Lucy_lu_84 · Mar 8th, 2010, 03:43 AM

I tend to go with my heart!
Although I would start trying if I were you, because like has been said you never know how long it is going to take to catch!

nessajane · Mar 8th, 2010, 03:51 AM

My OH would quite like to try in december when tyler turns 2 but i will more than likely to PG for my BF wedding and really wanted to aviod that but he is saying that us putting out plans on hold for a wedding is silly

Im not too worried about the PND as i know what to look out for next time and can nip it in the butt, but its just adding to it all... i think tbh my main issue is coping with 2 children but i suppose it cant be too bad

I mean lots of women cope!!

princess_bump · Mar 8th, 2010, 04:09 AM

a lot of women certainly do cope honey, and course you would cope, but i think you should follow both your head and your heart, and find a compromise.
for us, ttc and having a baby was and is about both head and heart. for our heart, we wanted a baby and now we would love another way. but our head tells us this, but it also says, that waiting for another is right, and my heart no's this, if that makes sense? i never wanted to just cope, i suppose i always want things to be as near perfect as they can before, and for us, that mean's waiting atm.
not sure how much help i'm being sweetie, i hope you can both decide soon

and when ever you do have another one, i'm 100% sure you will be an amazing mummy to 2

xx

nessajane · Mar 8th, 2010, 04:16 AM

I know what you mean carly

For me i would love Tyler to have a sibling and yes another baby would be lovely but in the back of my mind i cant help but feel that im no where near ready, then i feel selfish and think of tyler and how nice it would be for him to have a brother/sister close in age to play with/grow up with iygwim?

princess_bump · Mar 8th, 2010, 04:22 AM

yep nessa, i completely understand

i think as a mummy we feel guilty what ever we do

i feel guilty for wanting another, i'm an only one and it was wonderful, but i would have loved a sibling, so like you i then think, oh i feel guilty for waiting. and i no i'm a perfectionist too, and like everything to be just so. it's so hard!

but i do think, when ever you have another one, will be the right time, if that makes sense? i always think when number 2 comes along it will be just as wonderful, and manic

Mar 8th, 2010, 01:44 AM	#1
nessajane Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 7,586	Head Vs Heart? Ill Explain... Basically we are unsure when to start TTC No.2, i want a smallish age gap between our kids so ideally we should start trying now for a 2.5 year gap this is what my head is telling me to do, but my heart is just not in it atm im worried about coping with 2 children, being pregnant again, having PND again Im bridesmaid next september for my BF so catching pregnant next year is a no no as i dont want to be a pregnant bridesmaid but if we wait till after then there will be a 4 year age gap i have to decide sooonn

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 02:48 AM	#2
babesx3 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 9,101	If it was me i'd go for it!! you can never tell how long its gonna take to concieve, 2 1/2 years is a good age gap (much bigger than any of mine), personally lokking at my kids i think they get so much out of each other having a small age gap, and love playing with each other. I don't know much about pnd, but if you are aware of it u can monitor it and get on meds as soon as u can see the signs!! and it may not happen 2nd time!! fingers crossed!! of course pregnancy will be harder when you already have a child to look after, but if you look at the big picture, its only really 8 months out of your life, which isn't much reallly!! of course only u can make a decision like this....... good luck!!

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 03:20 AM	#3
Deeper Blue Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Near Derby Posts: 754	I'm generally a big fan of doing what your heart tells you. Even if it's not practical or whatever if it's what you feel is right in your heart then you'll make it work. It is a difficult decision though and only you know what feels like the right choice. What does your OH think? Maybe since you know that PND is a possibility OH could make a real effort and take on the lions share of looking after the kiddies initially? x

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 03:43 AM	#4
Lucy_lu_84 Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Rugby Posts: 3,622	I tend to go with my heart! Although I would start trying if I were you, because like has been said you never know how long it is going to take to catch!

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 03:51 AM	#5
nessajane Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 7,586	My OH would quite like to try in december when tyler turns 2 but i will more than likely to PG for my BF wedding and really wanted to aviod that but he is saying that us putting out plans on hold for a wedding is silly Im not too worried about the PND as i know what to look out for next time and can nip it in the butt, but its just adding to it all... i think tbh my main issue is coping with 2 children but i suppose it cant be too bad I mean lots of women cope!!

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 04:09 AM	#6
princess_bump Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: England Posts: 31,450	a lot of women certainly do cope honey, and course you would cope, but i think you should follow both your head and your heart, and find a compromise. for us, ttc and having a baby was and is about both head and heart. for our heart, we wanted a baby and now we would love another way. but our head tells us this, but it also says, that waiting for another is right, and my heart no's this, if that makes sense? i never wanted to just cope, i suppose i always want things to be as near perfect as they can before, and for us, that mean's waiting atm. not sure how much help i'm being sweetie, i hope you can both decide soon and when ever you do have another one, i'm 100% sure you will be an amazing mummy to 2 xx

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 04:16 AM	#7
nessajane Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 7,586	I know what you mean carly For me i would love Tyler to have a sibling and yes another baby would be lovely but in the back of my mind i cant help but feel that im no where near ready, then i feel selfish and think of tyler and how nice it would be for him to have a brother/sister close in age to play with/grow up with iygwim?

Status: Offline

Mar 8th, 2010, 04:22 AM	#8
princess_bump Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: England Posts: 31,450	yep nessa, i completely understand i think as a mummy we feel guilty what ever we do i feel guilty for wanting another, i'm an only one and it was wonderful, but i would have loved a sibling, so like you i then think, oh i feel guilty for waiting. and i no i'm a perfectionist too, and like everything to be just so. it's so hard! but i do think, when ever you have another one, will be the right time, if that makes sense? i always think when number 2 comes along it will be just as wonderful, and manic

Status: Offline

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