It's sad that this is so often the case. On top of that, women who have children young are perceived as Vicky Pollards who just wanted to get a free council house, and women who want to experience life/enjoy their career first are viewed as somehow unnatural, and judged for not being 'maternal'. Each woman / couple's situation is different to the next, and while some women undoubtedly do fall in to these stereotypes, it is surely a minority. It is annoying that so much pressure is put on women through the media on this subject - men are rarely, if ever, criticised for delaying the decision to start a family, and yet their decisions will have an impact on when women have children. Gah, I'm going to stop there before I go off on a feminist rant

I'm pretty disturbed by the comments that women who leave it too late for career reasons shouldn't be allowed treatment on the NHS if they are found to have fertility problems. The NHS is a funded service by taxes, so surely being people who will have paid more than average into the system they should be allowed to benefit? Also, who's to say these people aren't building a better life for their future child? Yes, they may work until their 30s, but you have no idea of personal circumstances, such as debt as how long it takes to pay back, and if they can afford a baby in their 20s.

Deciding who should be allowed treatment on a nationwide, unbiased service like the NHS based on personal circumstances and age is fascism, pure and simple.

I agree - singling out career women to say they shouldn't be allowed to get fertility treatment on the NHS is like saying that a smoker should not be treated if they develop lung cancer. If we go down that road, only a minority of people would ever be treated for anything, as few of us have 100% perfect, healthy lifestyles. And there is no way of knowing that those women who do struggle to conceive in their late 30s/40s would have found it any easier to conceive in their early 20s. By just browsing this forum, it's clear that fertility problems can hit any woman, any man, of any age or lifestyle, and so NHS treatment should be available to all.

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That's weirdly defensive. I'm not trying to say that all mothers who have unplanned babies are crappy mothers, and if you read what I said I didn't really imply that at all. I'm just saying less women these days are having babies just because they feel obligated to.

This does seem to be a really emotive topic!

I think it is interesting that women in general have really powerful opinions on when other women decide to TTC. I think it is a difficult issue to resolve though.

Yes, of course, women should be given the information about TTC and age and how it might affect a pregnancy. Not giving the information would just be negligent.

However, I do think that many women are really critical of women who leave it till later on in life. In fact, it is amazing how many women think that leaving TTCing till your late 20s is leaving it too late. In my opinion, that type of view is a little bit extreme. Of course, your fertility decreases as you get older...but does not dramatically decrease until you are in your mid - late 30s. Even then, there will be women who get pregnant easily and ones in their early 20s who have problems (I am by no means suggesting waiting until your late 30s to try though). I am just a bit shocked by how many people think that late 20s, early 30s is 'leaving it too late.' I don't think it is at all. I suppose our own personal circumstances influence our viewpoint in this matter - it seems like those of us who are 'oldies', in our 30s feel that late 20s, early-mid 30s is not leaving too late, whereas the early 20s mums feel that it is...it is all a matter of perspective.

I was just turned 30 (got married when I was 29) when I concieved my son and whereas, I did not want to leave it much later to start TTC, I did not feel that that age was overly aged! In fact, most of my friends my age (and a bit older) had not started having kids then (only two had), and quite a lot have had babies late on in 2009. So, I never felt that starting TTC at 30, was really old! I think I was only really aware of my 'age' when I came on to B&B and met a lot of women who were ttc in their early 20s, then I felt like an older one! I would have quite liked to have had started trying a few years before that, but my OH was not ready, as he is a few years younger than me. Also, we wanted to have secure circumstances financially before we had a baby as we wanted to be able to bring our family up without worrying about losing a wage and scrimping for every last thing.

In my opinion, I don't think the main reason women leave it till later on to have a baby is career or wanting a party lifestyle (I think that is sometimes the image portrayed by the media - selfish, shoulder pad wearing women emasculating their poor other halves into leaving procreation until their late 40s and only having a baby as an accessory is a total fallacy!). I actually think that in a lot of cases (not all), it is the men who want to have a baby free life for as long as possible (they don't have the same biological clock ticking thing that us women have). It is not like a hundred years ago, where a man felt his main objective in life was to get a wife and have a family. So, this has often meant that men have said they want to wait to their girlfriends and wives...and like others have said on another thread, we can't really force them into it. I know a good friend who has just turned 30 and is really broody but has not managed to find a solid relationship...is she to just jump into bed with a guy to become pregnant just because she has hit her 30s? She would then be left without a secure relationship to bring up a child in.

Another point I want to make (sorry, this is turning into a bit of a rant!), is that we shouldn't necessarily judge someone else's decisions. If someone is going for IVF in their late 30s, how do we know it is because they have waited until they have just left it because of career and money? They could have been TTC for years and not been successful. What if they had multiple miscarriages? Saying, 'oh you shouldn't wait too much longer, given, you know, your age' could break their heart further. A lady at my Dad's work gave birth to a beautiful baby girl when she was 49. She had IVF. She did not meet her husband until she was 38, tried for a long time to get pregnant, had many miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy (losing a tube in the process) and eventually got pregnant on IVF with her daughter. Good for her I say!

I did not mean this to be a rant and I do think we all need to be aware of problems with TTCing in our 30s and 40s, but I do agree with the poster, that I do think that the sterotyping of 'older' mothers ttc and the scaremongering can get a bit out of hand.

xxx

Yes, I prefer not to judge also.

i think each to their own really. the decision to have a baby is down to the individual and their lifestyle etc.
we are all intelligent enough to know about any risks and about decreasing fertility to make up our own minds and shouldn't be judged by others for our choices.
i agree also that alot of the time the decision is actually taken out of the womens hands. mr right seems very elusive these days! i haven't found him yet myself.

my annoyance is slightly different though. i get sick of people telling me i've got loads of time for another baby. because i am 27 they assume it will be easy for me for a good few years yet. my mum and nan had early menopause so i am likely to follow. i've been doing my research and it points to the fact that a womans fertility takes a serious dip from about 10yrs before the menopause. this could mean i only have a couple of years of good fertility left if any at all. yet people still argue with me saying i have loads of time like they know better! coupled with the fact that i'm still single i can feel my clock ticking away constantly

i suppose people shouldn't judge a person no matter what their age, young or old.

Also, in response to those who have posted that IVF shouldn't be funded by the NHS for those older mothers who have wanted a career first...how on earth would that be implemented and work out in reality? The premise of the NHS is to give universal health care to those in the UK. You cannot judge someone for their personal circumstances. Also, what would the NHS do, put out a questionnaire to an IVF applicant in their 40s: 'Tick a) if you have put your career first or b) if you have had complications in fertility or c)if you have not found the right partner before now). I think most people would quickly wisen up to telling the NHS what they wanted to hear if it was going to prejudice their case. So not refusing to fund older mothers because of lifestyle choices would never work in reality.

I suppose in individual cases these sort of things can happen. I know someone in your situation as well. She is going to push forward TTC number two because she has this in her family background as well. At least in your case and in her case, you know the situation and this will help your choices. I think in most people's case, late 20s/early 30s is not too old for TTC. Of course, some people might find that they start TTC and end up having fertility issues and you could argue that starting to TTC as early as possible so that you can resolve those issues in some way would be advised...but how would someone know who had no signs of something like endometriosis (sp?) or PCO? It seems a difficult decision in both ways - deciding to have a child before they were ready, 'just in case of problems' or leaving it till later and then finding out there were problems.