Been having a rough time of late. As you probably remember I have been waiting to TTC for a while now (since I got married 2 years ago but officially since last feb). I was hoping to try next month but I hit the brickwall with DH this weekend and have spun into a deep depression again. I was weaning off my meds so that I could try but have just gone back on this week out of sheer desperation. I know in my heart I can get through this but I am finding it so difficult. The trigger event was his cousins announcement of her 2nd pregnancy (we got engaged at the same time). I am just floored that I have worked so hard to get to this point and its out of my reach once again. I feel like a failure as a woman .... all my sister in laws have at least 2 kids (most more than 3) and I feel like an outcast all the time........ I really feel like running away and hiding (which I have been - in bed for 2 days avoiding life). I guess this is about my depression now and I was trying so hard not to succumb but I am truly traumatised by this.........
Hi Alchemist, I'm so sorry you're not feeling well at the moment. I come from a family of depressives and if there's one thing I've learned it's that you need to sort yourself out first and then deal with everything else. Sounds like you may have come off the meds a bit early. Have you talked to your doctor about being weaned off.
Hi Alch, I'm sorry it's been such a rough time for you lately.
Things will get better.
I do agree with Lu, it is very important to have things straightened out before trying for a baby. We need to be in tip top shape both mentally and physically before trying to get pregnant, as being pregnant is stress enough!
Have you tried speaking with a counselor / therapist regarding your depression? There are many really good family therapists out there that might be able to help you with depression as well as helping you and your hubby better communicate your needs to one another (if he's willing). It may be helpful to have someone mediate. Just a thought.
Of course I agree with both of you about my depression...I have been in treatment for over 2 years (on meds for over a year). The problem is that everytime I try to come off my meds (this is my 2nd time) I am doing fine but almost at the end of the process DH springs it on me that hes not comfortable (this time he admitted he withheld that from me and i carried on coming off and then towards the end he sprung it on me - it takes about 6 weeks to come off). I am angry at him. I totally understand his needs (i have been thinking of his needs for over 7 months now) but what about mine?
If he doesnt feel happy enough in our relationship, fine, i can deal with it. but the constant "well maybes" is just bordering on emotional abuse. Its not fair to keep me 'yoyo'ing like this all the time - especially a person who has a fragile mental state. I take full responsibiity for my depression but I dont live in a vacumn. His actions do affect me.
anyways, we are seeing our therapist on friday...... its our annevesary today and I feel like boycotting
It does sound as though he needs to make up his mind one way or the other, it's not fair to keep messing you around like this. Good luck with the counselling xxx
I agree. He needs to make a firm decision either way. It really isn't fair to you, especially seeing how badly it makes you feel each time he gets scared and decides not to go through with it.
Hopefully your therapist will be able to help. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
thanks girls. He made a booking at the swarmy resturant he 'propsed'. I say that because it wasnt really a proper proposal (he had done that months before when I was working in Australia and begged me to marry him only to come back home and him being unsure - yes this is a trend). I said no ways (like i would want to be reminded of that tonight???)
anyways he sais to me that he has been trying to be supportive of my pain and I told him its like putting a band aid on a shark bite wound......
I am thinking of moving to my best friend this weekend.....I am taking this pretty seriously this time. my folks are really upset as well (hated telling them this as they have been upset all along with what he's been doing). But at least I am getting the support i never did from them before......I am looking online for places to stay while i tie things up with him.... i am honestly looking at the worst case now...i have to. cant continue living at the mercy of his decisions anymore.........
He came home devestated last night and sick (literally). I wasnt sympathetic. He always does this. Hes stubborn for what HE needs and then it reaches critical mass and explodes and then everything is worked out. Not happy with this. He needs to take me seriously when i speak my needs and not wait until i reach this point of no return. I cant tell him this as he is feeling so critisized so I am waiting until therapy tommorrow but then i will have no holds barred...... I am tired and am getting to old for this shyte........
Last thing I read, I thought you both had come to a compromise. I am so very sorry it has come to this though.
Therapy may help you both. I trully hope so.
You need to think of your needs and your desires. If your OH cannot commit one way or another, that is his problem of which you dont need on top of yours.
Maybe a little space is what you both need.
Please feel free to PM at any time.
Good luck and keep your chin up xx
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