Why do I feel so awful?

LankyDoodle · Mar 26th, 2008, 08:51 AM

gOur friends met 2.5 years ago and got married one year ago; they just had their first baby two weeks ago. My husband and I met 6 years ago, married 4.5 years ago and are not going to try until the end of the year

It's the right time for us - I've been ill over recent years, first with pneumonia and then some mental illness and gained some weight as a result, so I want to get back to preillness weight. I'm 25 this year and training to be a teacher so I need to get settled into a job/career before we start trying. AND I have a coil in so I know it will take a while for my fertility to settle. Add to that the fact that I was raped when I was 17 so have some issues around sex that we need to work on.... I am getting there and bit by bit we are ticking things off - the house is nearly finished (extension and stuff), personal things are being sorted.

Anyway, so my husband's friend is a year older than him and his wife is around my age and they had their first a couple of weeks ago. My husband's other friend is about 3 years older than him and his wife is about 3 years older than me; they had their first last week. Our other friends are both a few years older than me and have their first in May. Lots of other people I was at school with are having babies (although some aren't ready for them). I feel ready and have for years (although obviously am not) and it is something I crave deeply. I feel happy for these couples and I've been a nanny so I'm experienced at the whole thinking a child is adorable, wanting to steel them but saying (pretending) 'oh he's lovely but I'm so glad to give him back at 6pm!'. But I just can't cope with it, I feel sick that these couples who have not been together or married as long as us, and people from school who are in some cases younger, not with anyone, living with parents still etc, all have babies and I have to wait and still don't know really if I CAN have one (I miscarried in 2003 which has just heightened the cravings). I just feel awful. As I said, of course I feel SO happy for these couples and they make fantastic parents but it gives me that constant lump in my throat and I can't help it - I feel guilty for it.

I just wanted to rant really. I can't wait til it's my turn. I'm gona walk round flaunting my bump forever!

**Vickie** · Mar 26th, 2008, 09:09 AM

Your day will come

anita665 · Mar 26th, 2008, 09:14 AM

It's a horrible feeling when you really want a baby and have everything to give a child and then you see people who still live with their parents or rely on benefits with no plans to ever get off them, having kids.

Also it sounds like you've been through a lot and I think just about every woman doubts in the back of her mind whether she can have kids till it actually happens.

Keep your chin up and one day it will be you. Then you'll wonder what you were ever worried for and feeling like this will be a distant memory!

diva4180 · Mar 26th, 2008, 10:15 AM

Alchemist · Mar 27th, 2008, 06:24 AM

I know it sucks and rant away. I am 32 and have been waiting for 2 years now. Also had depression issues and am currently weaning off meds. I am glad in retrospect I was forced to wait. as crap as it was (and some days I felt like I would never get to this point) but I finally feel 100% as ready as I will ever be, not only to be a mom but to be the best WIFE and mother possible. I finally have the strength to do it where as before I was a wreck. I have to talk to old school buddies who are on their 3rd and 4th kids. But i know that I had chosen this path so i cant feel jealous and left behind. I am finally free of those issues - YAY. I hope you are able to work through yours so that by the time you and hubby make 3, its a positive experience and not a reason to fight (like it was for me).....

good luck and baby dust to you ........

elley_baby248 · Mar 28th, 2008, 06:15 AM

I know how you feel my OH doesn't understand it but the desperation for that little baby of my own is unreal i lay awake at might wondering if it will happen anytime soon it's torture.

One of his friends GF's is due around the same time i would of been last year (may sometime i would of been due the 17th may) and knowing that she is going to have the baby i want is killing me! She is treating it like it's going to be a fashion accesory and it annoys me so much!

The year before (2006) my OH's sister had her baby around the same time i found out i was pregnant and lost mine. That still hurts especially when i see his nephew and how he could of had a little cousin.

Alchemist · Mar 31st, 2008, 14:20 PM

aw that sucks honey. And i totally empathise. I have a good friend who just had a baby - she got married after me and now i found out a second friend is expecting (also married after me).....

I also have a cousing who married a girl who fell pg but I was given such grief by MY MIL (I am studying for a masters degree and earn a fab salary, I am so good to her son and I always bring her things when I travel - I am such a great DIL). This cousins wife is so self centred and a really yucky person - she refuses to go back to work (her kid is almost 3). such is life.............

i guess life is sometimes unfair but on the positive, you are trying to fall pg so its not like you havent anything to look forward too. I am also trying to stay positive and finish my studies and you know, when it happens the universe will be such a wonderfull place for us

Alchemist · Mar 31st, 2008, 14:21 PM

aw that sucks honey. And i totally empathise. I have a good friend who just had a baby - she got married after me and now i found out a second friend is expecting (also married after me).....

I also have a cousin who married a girl who fell pg but I was given such grief by MY MIL (I am studying for a masters degree and earn a fab salary, I am so good to her son and I always bring her things when I travel - I am such a great DIL). This cousins wife is so self centred and a really yucky person - she refuses to go back to work (her kid is almost 3). such is life.............

i guess life is sometimes unfair but on the positive, you are trying to fall pg so its not like you havent anything to look forward too. I am also trying to stay positive and finish my studies and you know, when it happens the universe will be such a wonderfull place for us

Mar 26th, 2008, 08:51 AM	#1
LankyDoodle Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: England Posts: 4,928	Why do I feel so awful? gOur friends met 2.5 years ago and got married one year ago; they just had their first baby two weeks ago. My husband and I met 6 years ago, married 4.5 years ago and are not going to try until the end of the year It's the right time for us - I've been ill over recent years, first with pneumonia and then some mental illness and gained some weight as a result, so I want to get back to preillness weight. I'm 25 this year and training to be a teacher so I need to get settled into a job/career before we start trying. AND I have a coil in so I know it will take a while for my fertility to settle. Add to that the fact that I was raped when I was 17 so have some issues around sex that we need to work on.... I am getting there and bit by bit we are ticking things off - the house is nearly finished (extension and stuff), personal things are being sorted. Anyway, so my husband's friend is a year older than him and his wife is around my age and they had their first a couple of weeks ago. My husband's other friend is about 3 years older than him and his wife is about 3 years older than me; they had their first last week. Our other friends are both a few years older than me and have their first in May. Lots of other people I was at school with are having babies (although some aren't ready for them). I feel ready and have for years (although obviously am not) and it is something I crave deeply. I feel happy for these couples and I've been a nanny so I'm experienced at the whole thinking a child is adorable, wanting to steel them but saying (pretending) 'oh he's lovely but I'm so glad to give him back at 6pm!'. But I just can't cope with it, I feel sick that these couples who have not been together or married as long as us, and people from school who are in some cases younger, not with anyone, living with parents still etc, all have babies and I have to wait and still don't know really if I CAN have one (I miscarried in 2003 which has just heightened the cravings). I just feel awful. As I said, of course I feel SO happy for these couples and they make fantastic parents but it gives me that constant lump in my throat and I can't help it - I feel guilty for it. I just wanted to rant really. I can't wait til it's my turn. I'm gona walk round flaunting my bump forever!

Status: Offline

Mar 26th, 2008, 09:09 AM	#2
Vickie Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 75,686	Your day will come

Status: Online

Mar 26th, 2008, 09:14 AM	#3
anita665 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 2,689	It's a horrible feeling when you really want a baby and have everything to give a child and then you see people who still live with their parents or rely on benefits with no plans to ever get off them, having kids. Also it sounds like you've been through a lot and I think just about every woman doubts in the back of her mind whether she can have kids till it actually happens. Keep your chin up and one day it will be you. Then you'll wonder what you were ever worried for and feeling like this will be a distant memory!

Status: Offline

Mar 26th, 2008, 10:15 AM	#4
diva4180 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: USA Posts: 2,011

Status: Offline

Mar 27th, 2008, 06:24 AM	#5
Alchemist Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 351	I know it sucks and rant away. I am 32 and have been waiting for 2 years now. Also had depression issues and am currently weaning off meds. I am glad in retrospect I was forced to wait. as crap as it was (and some days I felt like I would never get to this point) but I finally feel 100% as ready as I will ever be, not only to be a mom but to be the best WIFE and mother possible. I finally have the strength to do it where as before I was a wreck. I have to talk to old school buddies who are on their 3rd and 4th kids. But i know that I had chosen this path so i cant feel jealous and left behind. I am finally free of those issues - YAY. I hope you are able to work through yours so that by the time you and hubby make 3, its a positive experience and not a reason to fight (like it was for me)..... good luck and baby dust to you ........

Status: Offline

Mar 28th, 2008, 06:15 AM	#6
elley_baby248 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cuddington, Northwich Posts: 599	I know how you feel my OH doesn't understand it but the desperation for that little baby of my own is unreal i lay awake at might wondering if it will happen anytime soon it's torture. One of his friends GF's is due around the same time i would of been last year (may sometime i would of been due the 17th may) and knowing that she is going to have the baby i want is killing me! She is treating it like it's going to be a fashion accesory and it annoys me so much! The year before (2006) my OH's sister had her baby around the same time i found out i was pregnant and lost mine. That still hurts especially when i see his nephew and how he could of had a little cousin.

Status: Offline

Mar 31st, 2008, 14:20 PM	#7
Alchemist Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 351	aw that sucks honey. And i totally empathise. I have a good friend who just had a baby - she got married after me and now i found out a second friend is expecting (also married after me)..... I also have a cousing who married a girl who fell pg but I was given such grief by MY MIL (I am studying for a masters degree and earn a fab salary, I am so good to her son and I always bring her things when I travel - I am such a great DIL). This cousins wife is so self centred and a really yucky person - she refuses to go back to work (her kid is almost 3). such is life............. i guess life is sometimes unfair but on the positive, you are trying to fall pg so its not like you havent anything to look forward too. I am also trying to stay positive and finish my studies and you know, when it happens the universe will be such a wonderfull place for us

Status: Offline

Mar 31st, 2008, 14:21 PM	#8
Alchemist Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 351	aw that sucks honey. And i totally empathise. I have a good friend who just had a baby - she got married after me and now i found out a second friend is expecting (also married after me)..... I also have a cousin who married a girl who fell pg but I was given such grief by MY MIL (I am studying for a masters degree and earn a fab salary, I am so good to her son and I always bring her things when I travel - I am such a great DIL). This cousins wife is so self centred and a really yucky person - she refuses to go back to work (her kid is almost 3). such is life............. i guess life is sometimes unfair but on the positive, you are trying to fall pg so its not like you havent anything to look forward too. I am also trying to stay positive and finish my studies and you know, when it happens the universe will be such a wonderfull place for us

Status: Offline

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