Hi all,
I have been married for 3 years and we have talked about trying for a baby in the new year. I really want a baby but I am so utterly scared of having internal exams and all that stuff. I just don't know if I can do it. I know they have seen it all before but they haven't seen mine! It's really upsetting me as I want a baby so much but I just can't get past this. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How can I overcome it? I feel really worried about this as the lack of dignity thing really upsets me.

Hey, and welcome! I know exactly how you feel! I was TERRIFIED when I had to have an internal exam for endometriosis, but the doctor was so sweet and chatty, she talked about surfing and I completely forgot what was going on lol XD It is daunting, and I think everyone has their fears about pregnancy/birth (mine is having blood taken - literally hysterical about it lol) but as you say they've seen in before. I've had 3 since and I get the giggles now when they do it ^^ I suppose in the end, you just gotta laugh! xx

If your pregnancy goes as planned you only get internal exams right at the end of pregnancy to check your cervix and during labour of course. Its not that bad and there are not that many. Its worth it for the end result. Doctors and midwifes know peoples dislike of internals and they are usually pretty fast and gentle.

If you can, shop around for a doctor you are comfortable with. See if you can meet with them in their office first and get to know them a little bit. Express your concerns and let them know that exams cause you a great deal of anxiety. You can tell a lot about a doctor just by talking with them.

I don't care much for it either. I have to spend the days leading up to an exam mentally preparing myself for it. I have finally found a doctor who will take her time, is great at distracting me while she is "in there" and actually takes some time before and after to discuss things.

I loved being pregnant, I cannot wait to do it all over again.

I dunno where you are, but in England, Drs and midwives don't like giving internals because of the risk of infection. They'll literally do what they can do avoid one and only do it as the last resort so the old ways of having an internal everytime you see your mw are long gone.

I had to have 3 during my pregnancy..

First was because I was having contractions very early in my pregnancy and they checked for dialtion.

Second was because I had some waters leak and they needed to check they hadn't gone completely

Third was when I went in 2 days before my section was booked because I had a bloody show and started having contractions... They needed to deliver the baby that night but there was another woman who also needed a section that night. They needed to see who was the priority so therefore needed to check if I'd started to dilate. If it wasn't for the other lady then I wouldn't have needed this one!

They kept the cover over me and really, they were done before I knew it! Only one that was uncomfortable was when they were checking the waters.

Yeah, it's embarassing but as doctors and midwives, they've seen a lot lot worse!

As above, in UK you only really have internal examinations right at the end of pregnancy and they really aren't as bad as you might think. What is it that scares you about them? Is it to do with someone seeing you down there or more to do with a fear of it being painful? If you are old enough to be offered smear tests perhaps you could confront your fear now by booking an appointment for one of those...the nurses who do them totally understand how embarrassed peopl can feel but to them it really is just the umpteenth internal they've done that week.

Lx

I didn't have any internal examinations until I had been in labour about 17 hours. There's usually no need for it during pregnancy and there's some idea that too many increase the risks of infection (also during labour if your waters have already gone). Believe me during labour dignity is that last thing you are thinking of. I am also very private about my body and felt the same way as you and I do again since about a day after the birth but during the labour there are simply too many other things going on to care. I had catheters in front of my DH, I vomited everywhere a few times, I poured blood all over the floor, I sat on the toilet while my waters gushed in front of DH (despite 8 years together we don't even talk of poo), I got my boobs out for all and sundry and pottered about in just a tankini top, in front of my Mum too. I feel weird about it now I'm 'normal' again but you just do what you have to do.