I keep trying to talk to my OH and get us both to decide when we are going to try, and all i seem to get is i dont know and when it feels right. Has anyone else been in this situation. Its been a mad few weeks were we decided we were going to try since i came off the pill in april and then a few nights ago he turned round and said he didn't think it was right now. Im so confused and really want kids now.

It feels like a now or never situation for me at the moment as im looking to train as a teacher. But if i start the course in september then i can't realistically try for 2 years because of training and i dont want to jeopardise my chances of a job because i took time out to have a baby.

I suppose im just angry at him because he never seems to make his mind up, he worries all the time about money and as we've only moved in to our own place in february i can see his point. I know im only 22 and alot of people will probably think its fine for me to leave it for a couple of years but i really dont want to, i've never wanted to leave it much past 25 to have the two kids i want.

A long one i know, but im just clutching at straws to try and sort everything out so i know where i stand.

We just sort of decided. It had always been something we knew we would do so it was never really a case of having to say, right, when is this going to happen. We just done a few things that we needed to or wanted to first and then a couple of months ago were talking about it as casually as we always did and decided the time was upon us as things were right for us.

I finish my pill next week and we will be just going with the flow and seeing what happens.

I hope you manage to get a decision soon, one way or the other, so you can move on

xxx

Hi Kyrabeth, I'm the same age as you & I can understand where you are coming from - my OH & I sat down & had a talk at the start of this year re: children. I had given up a nursing course in London to stay down here in Cornwall with him & I wanted to reapply for nurse training here. I said that I was happy to wait for a few years to start if he was ready to have children. We agreed on a year as it would give us time to save & I have a little bit of debt remaining that I wanted to pay off before we started TTC. I think that although you understand where your OH is coming from, he needs to be aware that it is an emotional issue & also something that ideally you should be able to prepare for (for example, if you need to lose weight, start vit supplements etc).
My advice would be really just to sit him down with a cup of tea & talk about it. It might feel difficult, but perhaps he doesn't understand that there is other help out there & that any family has worries about money, especially lately.
Bit sleepy today so this isn't coming out the way that I want it to, but if you want to chat you are more than welcome to. Good luck
Katie x

Hey hun
I spoke to OH first and it was him who said when he thought was best to TTC. we decided we wanted to have a holiday, buy a house and get settled before we TTC. i guess it felt right for me too. I am a teacher and would be completing my third year of teaching by the time we TTC.

Hi, this is a hard one and it certainly sounds like its really difficult for you. I guess maybe my situation is slightly unusual as my dh was ready for kids before me and that has meant i have been able to set the ttc date. For me personally i chose to wait until i knew i would be able to finish my training as that was important for me - i finish in sept so we said we would npnt from june as even if it happens straight away i will still be able to finish and get a job and start ttc in august. I don't think there is ever a 'right' time - this will still interfere with my career and i am still scared about the whole thing but at the same time i have a real undefinable need to have a baby! It's nice to be settled in a home, career etc. but that doesn't have to define when you start, there will always be something that could be better i think. I am knocking on 29 and i would ideally like to have a few post-qualification years of work under my belt but i don't want to wait.

I don't have any advice that will be of much help other than to try and talk to your oh about your fears, concerns, hopes about the whole thing and what kind of situation he has in his mind as being the ideal time - without creating too much pressure. If it is any consolation, i know several people who have taken time out to have babies during training in various professions (one of which is a teacher) and they have been fine. I'm sorry this isn't much help! good luck with it.

Well after a afternoon of screaming, shouting and crying ... why is all this so mega stressful and emotional!!! ... i dont feel like we've got anywhere He keeps saying that if i have a baby now and then can't get into my career or training i'll resent him, i dont know he gets that from

Thankyou for the replies and suggestions. I never thought the whole topic of babies would be so complicated but it really isn't easy. Makes you wonder that if it had happened by mistake would we have got off more lightly lol.

Hon, I can see where he is coming from but it sounds *treads on thin ice* as though he is not being very receptive to your response here. There is no denying that financially & practically it may be harder to juggle things when you're on a course (depending on your situation) - but OH & I have justified it by saying that we will save beforehand & even then it is only 3 yrs for me - even less for you!
Lots of hugs for you
x

I had this problem with oh and found that the problem was he thought i wanted one now(which i do) and wouldent settle for anything less. When i explaned that all though i did want one now i would wait but wanted to know how long for. I had to get him in the right mood which just happend to be when he was pissed and in a great mood.

ok, mmmm it took us ages to finally decide on a time/date for when we ttc but we went by the wedding day/date. so we opted for july so i can fit into my wedding dress and keep it secret for the meantime and perhaps surprise everyone with the good news in the wedding speeches, we thought that would be good, and that way i can still get wasted at the hen do as well. wasn't planning on drinking on the night of the wedding so works really well, plus OH didn't know whether or not he was being made redundant.
now we know he is safe in his job as well x x x x

We decided based on me finishing uni
&& cos it's extra time it means more money will get saved = ]

xx