TTC Journals

FEDup1981 · Sep 14th, 2008, 19:32 PM

After posting on BnB for 2months i thought id start my own TTC journal. Im not expecting anyone to read or reply, but just wanted a place to vent. I will be saying exactly what and how i feel so i apologise in advance if i upset anyone.

Ok, so im 27 and married to my DH martin, and we have a son Jack, whos 2 yrs 7 months. We are TTC #2. I have recently given up my job as a nurse, mainly due to ill health, but also cos i love being a SAHM.

Sooooo...TTC#2 .....well after Jack was born i went straight back on the depo when he was 10 weeks. I had my last depo on 17th December 2007, and i have still not got AF back

. We have been TTC since the depo ran out back in March. At the beginning of April i had a small light withdrawl type bleed that lasted about 3 days but nothing since. In July i went to my GP and asked if they could do anything. I was given Norethisterone, to try and bring back AF, but i didnt get a withdrawal bleed. I had my bloods checked and i was told that they all came back clear.I was diagnosed with secondary infertility. So where does that leave me? Well, tbh, i have no idea!! Its just a waiting game

I also suffer from depression and OCD and personally i feel that this makes my journey much tougher than most other peoples. Only a few weeks ago my life was consumed by TTC. My OCD had well and truly latched on, and its all i thought about from the minute i got up til the minute i finally went to sleep. I literally searched the internet and BnB(!) day and night for weeks for answers that werent there, and got to the point where i felt i couldnt cope any more.

I am not even sure i could cope with another baby and that makes me sound so selfish and stupid doesnt it, and i bet youre all ranting at the screen saying "why are you TTC then?!" And the only answer that i can give is that i have this over whelming maternal yearning for another child. And i also have a fantastic husband who is a brilliant hands on dad to our lil boy.

Because of my depression i very rarely feel like

so im hoping for a miracle

And because i do not have a cycle its really hard to know when to BD. Last weekend i had 2 days of EWCM (that i had noticed for the 1st time), not a great deal of it, but some, so we did the deed twice

so im hoping to

next weekend. Im not getting my hopes up though.

So thats my story so far.

FEDup1981 · Sep 16th, 2008, 22:34 PM

So following on from my last post, today i have got sore boobs, more noticeably around the nipple area, and i have a crampy feeling in my tummy. So im hoping either the

is on her way or i may get a

later on this week.

Being the impatient bugger i am, i tested earlier, and got a

i didnt expect any different though.

So heres hoping one or the other turns up later this week, either way ill be pleased. At least if my AF turns up i can TTC properly!

littlestar · Sep 17th, 2008, 08:31 AM

I sympathise with you my cycles are long and irregular as well. it really doesn't help when TTC. i'm CD38 atm and it's starting to drive me nuts!

here's some dust for good luck

and welcome to journals, i've found mine surprisingly useful to look back at for syptoms etc.

FEDup1981 · Sep 17th, 2008, 22:16 PM

Thanks littlestar, it is really annoying, never knowing where you are, when to test, and know that a is just that and not too early.
So today ive got sore nipples again, and just had another on an IC test, i know its too early, but couldnt help test, the urge got the better of me! I also have this crampy feeling in my tummy, and it kinda hurts, cant describe it really, but when i go to the toilet for a wee, and i push, i can feel muscles being tender in my tummy. Sorry TMI, but want to post my symptoms so i dont forget them!!
So come on or make an appearance!

littlestar · Sep 17th, 2008, 22:21 PM

thats what the journals are here for chick! list away it will all make sense one day!

aflight84 · Sep 18th, 2008, 13:31 PM

Hey,
I hope things sort themselves out for you soon.
I too was on depo for a long time. AF didn't return until DR put me on provera after 11 months from last shot. Things are still all over the place and i'm still not ovulating so i'm just about to start clomid.
I too spend all my spare time trailing the net for answers to see what i can do take see or anything to make this work!
Fingers crossed for you hunni

FEDup1981 · Sep 18th, 2008, 19:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aflight84

Hey,
I hope things sort themselves out for you soon.
I too was on depo for a long time. AF didn't return until DR put me on provera after 11 months from last shot. Things are still all over the place and i'm still not ovulating so i'm just about to start clomid.
I too spend all my spare time trailing the net for answers to see what i can do take see or anything to make this work!
Fingers crossed for you hunni

Thanks aflight84, i have read many of your posts about your journey and it seems youve had it tough.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and i know that if i could turn back time i wouldnt have went on it. I should have learnt from it the first time. Yes, ive been on it twice. The first time i was on it for 4 years, and came off in the AUG 04, and went on the BCP til Dec 04. My periods finally returned in april 05, and my son was conceived that May! When my son was 10 weeks old, we had an accident while

and the condom split. I was so terrified that id get pregnant again when i had only just given birth that i went back on the depo. The decision was right at the time, i didnt think id want another for many years, but as soon as i had my last depo last december i knew id made a big mistake, i was sooo broody, and still am.
My nipples are still tender, but not as much, and ive had a headache all day

Chris77 · Sep 18th, 2008, 19:43 PM

Welcome to the journals!

FEDup1981 · Sep 18th, 2008, 19:49 PM

THANKS!!!

Omi · Sep 18th, 2008, 20:14 PM

Hi Hun, welcome to the journals...they're my favourite place!!

Just wanted to say i feel for you...ive had mucho experience with both depression and ocd, although not myself (but family and close friends. I also have a bil who's bipolar), and i wanted to say i admire you and think you're brave and strong not letting those things stay in your way. Well done you!!

All the best to you, babe and good luck!!! Hope your new journal stays itty bitty small, lol!

, Omi xxx

TTC Journals

FEDup1981 - My BuMpY TTC journey!

Trying To Conceive

FEDup1981 - My BuMpY TTC journey!