jerseyshoregirl

Well, I have given it some thought and have decided I am going to keep a TTC journal this go-around. I did keep a different one on http://www.livejournal.com, but took the website down after I had my miscarriage on Wednesday night last week.

I was 8wk4d when the natural miscarriage happened at home.

If I count last Wednesday as CD1, then that makes today CD8. The first time we tried to conceive, I got an LH surge at CD11. Unfortunately, I am still bleeding at this point...only when I wipe, but there is still blood. From everything I have read, we should not TTC while I am still bleeding or I will be put at risk for infection. We don't want that. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that the bleeding will subside by Friday, which will be CD10.

The doctor says to wait to have one AF, but I know I cannot wait. I want to be pregnant again. I want to feel pregnant again. I do not want to wait and then have another m/c and have even more time go by that we have to wait to start a family of our own.

So, enough for today...but I think I might enjoy this journaling.

genkigemini

Just wanted to stop by, say hi and add some dust to your journal. I hope you get your as soon as it is safe to do so.

Newbie77

Hi Jersey Shore Girl, just started my journal today too so thought I'd drop in and say hi in yours...

Sorry to hear of your loss

Good luck with your ttc journey, may it be a short and sweet one....x.

boobaby04

Good luck and hope you get your x x x x

jerseyshoregirl

Well, I finally let it all out... I cried.

I told him how I felt about this entire experience.

I let him know how sad I really am inside...how scared I am to try again...and (even though it was probably TMI) what it physically felt and feels like to be going through this.

He was really supportive and just let me cry it out. It was time to share my feelings with him...

Maybe now I will be able to look forward to the future and be hopeful. If only the bleeding would stop....

JM

P.S. Thank you to the ladies who posted their thoughtful notes. It means a lot to share my thoughts and feelings, especially since it is easier for me to type than talk (without crying) right now.

superp123

So sorry for you loss and I hope you get that very soon.
My doc told me to wait too... but I'm not going to wait either. Glad that you were finally able to let it all out. It cleans the soul I think.

Heres to not waiting.
P

jerseyshoregirl

Well, it looks like I waited until after my first AF after all! I thought it was just "continuation" bleeding from my m/c, but as it turns out - my m/c bleeding did end and it was actually AF. And the bleeding stopped completely two days ago, with the exception of some spotting...although now I am thinking it is actually EWCM, just slightly brown-tinged. EWCM is something I haven't experienced in a couple of years, so maybe the m/c actually kickstarted my system again?

The other good news is that I am in high spirits now and feel emotionally a lot stronger now that the bleeding has subsided. While I have not had an LH surge, the EWCM has me wondering if it's about that time. I'll post a question on the TTC board in just a few as this is the one thing I did not really monitor last time and I don't know much about it.

I find it is easier to tell someone now about our loss, although it is easier for me to initiate the discussion than have to answer someone's question about it. Not sure why it is harder/easier one way than another, but that's just the way it is.

Back to the TTC board!
JM

jerseyshoregirl

So today was the first time we BD'd since my miscarriage on 16 July! Wow! That is way too long to go without intimacy. Not only did it feel good physically, but emotionally I think it was very healing for both and us. It's like starting over...

I am on CD14 and the OPK line is definitely darker. So maybe, just maybe, we'll catch the egg this month. I am leaving on a business trip tomorrow, so today was our only chance this cycle between the never-ending bleeding and having to leave town this afternoon. I know not to get my hopes up, but it IS nice to feel hopeful again. Having the miscarriage just hurt my heart so much.

Funniest thing is that I am completely exhausted tonight and can't stop yawning! I know it's not a physical symptom of a BFP because it is way too early to feel anything yet - but I can't help but think I am this tired because I have finally decompressed after this very emotional and difficult experience in my life.

Off to the sunny and hot shores of Fort Lauderdale tomorrow...as if it isn't already the perfect beach weather here at the Jersey Shore!

JM

xxxjacquixxx

Hey hun, Im glad to hear you are feeling better now and are looking forward to ttc once again.

Its scary the first time you bd after m/c isnt it, I was like 'be careful' like I would break or something!
Just for the record, i used ic opks this month and never got a line as dark as the control line but I did an CB digi opk on the same day and that came back with a great big smiley face, so it was a positive.

Good luck this cycle, sounds like you are getting closer to O, and I hope to see your bfp announcement soon...

love jac xx

jerseyshoregirl

Well, it's 6dpo (or very close to it) and I really hope we caught the egg this cycle! We only got to BD once between my long AF and going on my business trip. You never know though. They do say it only takes one time!

So the last three days I have been SO tired. Feels like my body weighs 300lbs. Sleeping whenever I can has helped. The other night I felt like my uterus was being stretched out. Unique sensation. Last night I had some sharp shooting twinges there too that only last for a couple of minutes.

I am also more "aware" of my (o)(o)'s right now even though I know they aren't any bigger or sore.

"Cautiously optimistic" is the best phrase to describe me right now. I am definitely keeping my fingers crossed!

I have to admit I took two HPTs already (Dollar Store cheapies) - one last night one this morning - and naturally, they were BFNs. But because they are so affordable, I plan to take two a day until I get either a BFP or AF.

So here's hoping!
JM