Helen

Day 15 of IVF Cycle

Had a better day today. The Manager who was in the meeting with me yesterday when one of his staff announced his wife was expecting caught up with me and made a point of asking how I was feeling and whether I was ok after yesterday.

It's really easy to focus on the crass and tactless things people say around you (often without having any idea or meaning to hurt) and you can forget that there are a lot of lovely people around who are really sensitive, caring and thoughtful (including you lot!).

H

xx

Helen

Day 16 of IVF Cycle
Day 1 of Stimming

We went for a scan this morning at the hospital. Battled through the early morning rush hour as we had done last week. Thankfully this time, I'd got it right and we were booked in!

Have decided that my consultant (who we are paying enormous sums of money to see privately) has the bedside manner of Sadam Hussein. She's horrible! It's all she can do to bother to say hello when you walk in. First thing she barked was "what was the first day of your last cycle?" Bugger! Wasn't expecting a test especially as you'd expect them to have kept this note on file. It's pretty crucial as it was the day we did the first injection. I know it really, but under pressure I had to check the date in my diary.

She does the scan and all is well. Lining of the womb is thin and ovaries are inactive. Good to go to phase 2 - Stimulation of the ovaries to produce the eggs.

As I'm yanking on my clothes in this tiny room that contains me, OH, Sadam and a nurse she asks which drugs we are taking for stimulation. Well, we hadn't got to that bit yet and we can't remember what they're called. Most of you have seen the box of drugs we got and it's pretty overwhelming. OH helpfully suggested that it was the pen cartridges. It's Puregon we're having, I could've found it on the original prescription but we hadn't memorised the name.

The Nurse then hands me a big brown paper bag, McDonalds style. I peek inside and it's full of needles..... see pic



So I say to my OH (and his huge needle phobia) don't look in that bag. You don't need to see what's in there. Sadam turns to me and says "you've probably gathered that you're not as on top of things as you need to be at this point". Er.... First thought is one of horror that things aren't actually going well despite what she had said during the scan. We ask her what she means and she says that we need to know dates and the medication we are taking because I am "at risk". WTF?! Waited till her back was turned and OH and I pulled faces at each other like naughty children. Told her that I hadn't realised there would be a test. Bloody stupid woman. Grrr

Finally got out of there and OH is telling me not to get stressed about her. I know he's right.

Next stop, the nurse to get an injection lesson with the pens. Get a neat little rucksack which I must try and find a use for afterwards!



Hadn't opened any of the drugs so had to come dashing home at lunchtime to check we had the right needles included in the packets. We do. You know what.... we don't need the McDonalds bag at all! Why did she give us it.... unless she's "not on top of things" either!

Anyway, came back tonight and have done first injection. It's stinging a bit still but ok. Only problem is my dose is 250 and these come in 300 size catridges. It's so expensive you can't waste any so most nights it will be 2 injections. Whoopeee!

7pm is our agreed time so we need to keep at these until next Friday when I go for another scan. Hopefully all will look good on the eggs then and I'll be in for egg collection the week after Got back to work and booked the Friday of the scan off and the following week so can totally chill out.

Am at counsellor on Monday and am ready for another session now to get stuff off my chest. Must stay calm and chilled out..... ummmmm ummmmm ummmmm

H

xx

Wobbles

You just have to love the stash huh! Getting a taxi with a see through bag with needles & a needle box was GREAT! I made him hold on to them

x

Helen

Day 17 of IVF Cycle
Day 2 of Stimming

Just done injection number 2 or should I say, 2 and 3 since we had to do 2 injections to get the total dose.

A couple of people have said that I look "pale" and "wan" but I feel ok (I think). Good thing about these drugs is that at least the menopausal symptoms should ease.

Had a reply about funding today. A resounding NO. The PCT is so broke that the waiting list for a fully funded cycle is over 3 years and they don't want to divert funds from those people to us. In other words, we'll make it as prohibitive as possible for you to get IVF funding so that we fund as few people as possible. Thanks very much. Not helped by an email from my ex-sis in law telling me she can have one set of drugs funded per year through her PCT. This is such a postcode lottery, it's a crime.

Have booked off some holiday starting from scan next Friday and for the following week which will hopefully cover egg collection and embryo transfer. I've faced some interesting questions from people today about what I'm doing with this hastily booked week off and why I'm not bothering to go away. Spoke to my parents last night and my Mum is going to book a day off that week and come and take me out for lunch. Really hope dates work out ok as I will be so glad of the company and support when OH is back at work.

H

xx

HB

Helen

Day 19 of IVF Cycle
Day 4 of Stimming

Feeling ok so far. Still getting a few hot flushes at night and the odd one during the day. Tummy a little bruised from Friday night injections, but did better last night. You can see where I've done all the injections but it's not tender so seems to be going ok.

Thought my tummy would have bloated a little more by now. Maybe over the next few days.

Looking forward to seeing counsellor tomorrow afternoon. Feel like I am starting to go a bit lunatic again (don't know why). Thought I might take some of my diary with me to help. Definitely going to talk about Sadam and hopefully counsellor will help me feel positive about her!

H

xx

HB

Sounds like the counsellor could be a godsend with saddam on your case!!

xox

Helen

Day 20 of IVF Cycle
Day 5 of Stimming

Starting to get my wish as tummy definitely looking a bit podgy today. The bruises are adding to the effect nicely! Getting some dull aching around my ovaries so hopefully things are happening.

Had a few emails from ex-sis in law and she said that she overstimmed on 150 so she can't believe I'm taking 250 especially since I'm supposed to be on a lower dose. Feel generally ok though.

Is it sad to be looking forward to tomorrow night's injection because tomorrow there is only one and not two needles? AND.... bonus... OH pointed out that Wednesday night is also only one injection. Phew!

Went to library with my afternoon off today and got out Ben Elton's book Inconceivable. Just read the first few pages, but it's pretty funny so far and quite accurate!

Have also been to counsellor this afternoon. Cried pretty much all the way through. Apparently I am too much of a perfectionist and so beat myself up unnecessarily if I let anyone down or don't have a full day. I must allow myself to relax. She was impressed that I managed to let OH do 90% of the housework yesterday without interfering.

She also helped with Saddam. She obviously couldn't say as much, but sort of hinted that this wasn't the first time she'd heard this about her and that I shouldn't hope for a nice bedside manner from her anytime soon. She accepted that it must be hard for us, because in that situation you would normally object and complain, but this woman holds so much of our future in her hands that we are unable to.

Decided that a little retail therapy was required afterwards so went via the shops and bought myself a new dressing gown and slippers. It sort of occured to me yesterday that I might need them for when we go in for embryo transfer and didn't want to take my usual stuff in with me (bit stained and torn you know how it is ).

Also managed to buy 4 new sets of undies...good thing about these drugs.... sex drive which seemed to have fallen off a cliff during down regging is back.... OH YESSSS!!!!

H

xx

Helen

Day 21 of IVF Cycle
Day 6 of Stimming

Tummy is bigger still today. Pointed out to OH that I was getting fat and he did correct bloke answer of "no, you're not!".

Only one jab tonight....phew! I must be getting better as some of the bruising is starting to go down.

Had another blubbing moment this evening. My Dad rang to say that he, my Mum and my Nan now weren't coming over on Saturday to see me. I was gutted really although they do have a valid reason for not coming. I just really want a cuddle from my parents.

Was even more gutted because he started talking about visiting my brother and sis-in-law who are expecting at Xmas. He was telling me about him decorating the nursery and how my Mum had a good chat with my sis-in-law. I know it's irational and I know it's selfish (OH pointed that out afterwards anyway) and they can't see them that often because they aren't as near as I am but I felt so jealous. My sis-in-law's parents live really near them so she can have time like that with them and she had my parents last weekend. I felt really upset that they haven't been over to see us since we started the IVF. They've been really supportive over the phone, but sometimes you just need a hug.

H

xx

HB