Pretty much. Hopefully dip will coincide with AF. It's AF I'm waiting for really.

Maybe tomorrow....

[-o< [-o< [-o< [-o<

Roll on Christmas day, and let it not be moved again!!!! :wink:

Christmas day? Have I missed something?

Oh

Tuesday

Having a weird day today.

Set off for work this am and blubbed most of the way listening to some music (the piece they played at my Gramps' funeral recently).

After another high temp this morning (14 DPO), I actually started to think...maybe....just maybe...that there was some miracle about to happen for us and we wouldn't have to go through IVF. Felt quite positive rest of day and upbeat, but trying not to get excited. When I get like this, I imagine doing a positive PG test and suprising OH and my parents with it. Don't know why I torture myself so. I have one symbolic one left in the cupboard, they don't encourage you to do PG tests during IVF as all the hormones can give false positives.

Our nurse (Mary who is lovely) from the hospital rang to see what was going on and whether I had started treatement without telling them. Yeah, like that might slip my mind! Explained that still not got AF and now day 36 so should be tomorrow. We've now slipped back a week for egg collection (EC) so that is expected in the 2nd week of October. Thankfully they can still fit us in for everything. Just need to ring when AF appears and before I inject to be doubly sure.

Got home and felt something inside (you'll know what I mean). Went to loo and was pinkish discharge so looks like miracle is not going to happen after all and AF will appear tomorrow. Best keep that test in the cupboard where it belongs.

Had another good blub before OH got home. PMT doesn't help this feeling, does it? Feel really emotional imagining doing that first injection tomorrow and starting this roller coaster off.

Thought I would copy in this from a book called The Wayward Stork. This sums it up better than I could put it.

How to instruct your inner circle.

Please treat me as though I am in a crisis. I am. I can and will cry at the drop of a hat. I am sad, angry, scared, excited, hopeful, worried and nervous.

Please DO NOT tell me you know how I feel unless you, yourself, have endured an IVF cycle. This is more difficult than you know.

Please treat me with kid gloves, as I am hanging on by a very thin emotional thread.

Please see that everything is not business as usual in my life, household and heart.

Please call, write or send me an e-mail.

Please give me books or magazines that I can leave in my car for reading during the endless streams of medical waiting rooms that I will visit over the next month.

Please bake, cook or order in food for my household. We need to eat and I am out of commission.

Please permit me a clear calendar and excuse my lack of involvement in other activities, as my days are filled with tests, results, endless appointments, phone calls, decisions, physical discomfort and fatigue.

Please excuse my lack of interest in everything else. Remember what I said about crisis?

Please give me permission to do what I want to do, be it laugh, cry, sit around or be really, really active in something.

Please help out around my house by washing some dishes, vacuuming a room, or taking my dog for a walk. Remember that my husband is overwhelmed and in need of support too!

Please let me know that you are supporting me even if this cycle fails. That is my biggest fear and the hardest thing to talk about.

Please remind me that I am strong enough to endure this, as I am sure to forget along the way.

Please don’t ask me if I’m pregnant. If and when that occurs, I will sing it from the highest rooftop!

Just want to give you a BIG Helen

Well, here we are....

DAY ONE of IVF CYCLE

I started bleeding about 10.30 last night so that was that. OH and I had a long conversation about when to inject the Prostap. In theory we were supposed to wait until we had spoken to the hospital to be sure that our dates fit and they can fit us in properly. If we did that, it meant going to work and coming home and doing it tonight. We decided that we didn't want to wait and have gone ahead with the injection as long as my temps dropped this morning. After all, I spoke to the nurse yesterday and told her that I expected to be getting AF today anyway and she said that fitted.

Lots more tears (from me) last night. Was trying to explain to OH that despite desperately wanting a child and therefore it follows wanting IVF, that there was something about this injection that upset me. Partly the significance of it being the first step and partly because this is the injection that shuts down what happens naturally (albeit slightly dysfunctionally in my case) in my body. It makes me feel a bit of a failure as a woman and weirdly I suppose, less feminine. Dunno if that makes sense...

Slept reasonably well despite this. Checked temps first thing and ...yup...they had dropped. Had breakfast and got showered as normal. Both of us let work know we were going to be late in to give us plenty of time.

Sat on the edge of the bed next to each other with the box of needles and powder and fluid on our knees. I was really shaking trying to mix all the stuff together and swapping different needles about. OH was amazing. Despite this enormous fear of needles he has he was brilliant helping me mix and being an extra pair of hands, even holding the needle at a couple of points. Something I never thought he would be able to do. I was filling up with tears putting the needle in and injecting it into my tummy. This is just such a huge step. It bled a bit, I think because of the shaking.

Had a nice long cuddle with OH laid on bed afterwards while I carried on blubbing. He is being so considerate and loving towards me.

Went into to work for just before 10am and by then had a pounding head, period pain from hell and felt sick (not sure if this is stress or drug related). The first person I bumped into was one of the other Managers who knows what is going on and who I let know I was going to be late. He took one look at me, told me a I looked awful and pale and told me to go home. He was just so matter of fact about it, I went. Not before bursting into tears again. (What a cry-baby!)

Anyway have rung hospital to tell them have done injection and they are now trying to sort out a scan appointment for 7-10 days time. Only problem that has emerged is that our consultant (we have a certain one because we are private patients) is on holiday for the next two weeks. Still waiting to hear from hospital what their plan is on that one.

I have a tiny little scab where injection went in and it's pretty tender there. Went back to bed and had a good long sleep and feel a lot better now. Also, had a big chat with OH last night about giving myself a break. I'm normally really busy doing this, that and the other after work and work itself is pretty stressful. I was feeling guilty last night for skiving off running club and generally being pretty lazy. We agreed that I don't need to beat myself up about this and if the most I do is flake out in front of the TV for the next few weeks that is ok. Hence have decided, although have brought notebook home, am not going to do any work today and am going to take the day off sick. They'll cope with out me... hell, if this works, they'll have to cope without me for a lot longer than a day!!

H

xx

Wishing you all the luck in the world Helen [-o<

Will you be at the meet on Sat?