krockwell

I'm feeling very depressed tonight...

I can't seem to feel good about anything.
The dog & the tomatoes, the house being a disaster and me having no energy or desire to clean it, I'm not done my thank you cards even from the freaking wedding that was near 3 months ago...

I feel SO very depressed, and so very alone.

I feel like I'm going through life by myself. No friends, no husband, no support.

I feel alone, helpless and seriously down in the dumps...

Times like this I don't feel like I should even be WANTING to have a baby - I'm too emotional and all over the place for this.

I've been off my A/D's for over a year now...and then just now, I'm feeling extremely horrible and down on myself.

Tonight, I've been thinking about SM - but I can't... I can't go that route anymore.

fuck me sideways, I hate this...

krockwell

So today's not quite as bad as yesterday...
I've calmed down quite a bit - aside from the stupid dog drama.
UGH!
Hubby comes home in 2 days!!
2 more sleeeeeeeeeps!!!
Finally - I'm so ready to actually be a wife now.
God, it feels like we haven't even really been married...which is dumb, coming up on 3 months as of the 5th.

We need to get back on track with us - We deserve it to ourselves.

Hopefully for our 3 monthiversary I'll get a !!!! That would be awessssssssssssssome.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I'd like to make a few more friends here...
I'm feeling very alone here - Sometimes I just wanna leave because I don't feel supported, or anything.
(don't get the wrong feeling those of you who do leave notes, I appreciate those immensly)
I'm just going through a rough patch - and it's hard being alone....*sigh*

krockwell

i crave battered fish

emerald-queen

you are supported on here. look at how many people have read your journal.
It's just that sometimes people are not sure what to say.
Carry on with it and keep it like an outlet to off load your feelings to, you can write however you are feeling without upsetting or having an agruement with those that you are closet too.
I understand what it's like to not have your DH there all the time you feel like your support/ rock has gone.
How long are your cycles normally? what CD are you now?
Have some for your journal and I hope you get your very soon.

Keep up the journal and you will soon have your own army of support stalking it.

krockwell

My cycle is generally 25-27 days, and currently I'm on day 25, which is also currently 6 DPO...
I've never tracked ovulation before...except for this month.
*shrugs*

_________________________________________________________________

Tonight, the 26th of June, I am having MASSIVE cramping in my uterus...
it feels as though AF is at it again and I'm not going to get my

Although, I'll wait and not give up hope just yet because since this is the first time I've been charting my ovulation(fertilityfriend.com), it's changed things a lot.

It recalculate the length of my cycle...so it's saying that my cycle is now 34 days long.

So...it's also telling me to test on the 9th of July. And that my period is due on the 5th of July...

Honestly, I don't know what to believe/think/test whatever.

Although my TTC buddy - Nic Flowers, and I ovulated on the same day...and we've been having some of the same symptoms...so we're gonna test on the same day (IF we can hold out! 8 more days!)
We've decided to test on the 4th.

*sigh*

krockwell

Today has been weird...

I worked all day, after little to no sleep. Haven't been sleeping properly since OH went to school 6 weeks ago. (He's done tomorrow!!!)
THEN I get home from work, and instantly... I've got cramps like there's no tomorrow..
I realize this is probably more than any of ya'll wanna know, but I felt like I was going to pass out because it hurt so bad, and the pressure was soooo intense. I sat on the toilet for probably close to 45 minutes, if not longer..
It was Horrible!

Also, I've been getting wicked headaches (attributed to the sleeping probably)
But the cramps...the ones today especially are worse than usual, and usually before AF shows up I Get wicked cramps, and then really really soft stool. (but not diarrhea)
So, I have no idea what's going on with my body.
I think it's mainly due to stress, and not having hubby around.

And also thinking so damn much about trying to have a baby, and whether this is going to be a positive when I test on the 4th (if I wait that long!)

I was going to test tonight ot be honest, but...seriously, if I think about it, that's just dumb, I'm only at 6DPO. So, if I can't wait, I'm going to test on the 1st of July, since you know that's Canada day and Hubby and I are going to have the day off together.

*sigh*
I need to go to bed...this is ********.

if anyone wants to chat with me... I've got MSN.
I'd really like to have a few buddies to chat with on there.

cheeriogirl85@hotmail.com is my msn...for anyone that cares.

krockwell

k.... so I've broken down, and am currently testing.
I got a (few) note(s) from my buddy on OD, and she was saying, you don't really need to wait to test..
SO I figure, what the hell, might as well test...lol
As I sit here and write, my test is perculating. *sigh*
5 more minutes and I"ll let ya'll know the result.

krockwell

bleh,
I should have expected that being 6 days DPO
BUT Whatever...

I guess I'll try testing next weekend, like originally planned, and see if anything happens.

I just don't know though...*sigh*

Nic-Flowers

Sorry for not being around, it was Jeff's day off but we had so much to do that I just now got to sit down and relax, sorry you got a BFN but it may be a false negative, I try not to test early so I do not have to deal with the negative tests. Stick in there and we will test again on July 4.

emerald-queen

Nic-flowers is right 6DPO is too early to tell so could well be a false negative

It's not over till the fat sings