Nic-Flowers

I read your journal here and you have some great entries. Lots of Luck with everything.

magicvw

Aw Cloudy. Looks like there will be a bunch of us cycle buddies again pretty soon - you, me, Yaya, tanya, bird, - did i forget anyone?

Let's have a new cycle party! Cheer ourselves up!

CloudyDay

Hiya magic! That's the one upside to this that I am so thankful for... I get to stay longer with this woooonderful bunch of gals that I've been goin' through this with!! I don't have anyone to talk to in real life about this stuff so having all you cyber-cycle buddies really makes this whole rollercoaster ride fun during the TWWs and more bearable during the BFNs and AFs.

CloudyDay

Hi gals,

Thanks for the wonderful kind messages of support. I'm still astounded that anyone would read this boring little journal of mine... just thought I'd do it for my own kicks! . I really hate being in a different timezone from y'all... makes it so hard to keep up with thanking you individually. Luv you all! *MWAH!*

I'm contemplating creating a super detailed table to track my symptoms over the last few months. I'm realizing that I actually had NO CLUE how my body worked before TTCing and now I'm just BEGINNING to know it more intimately. Before TTCing, I sometimes noticed vague sensations and knew by intuition and gut instinct that AF was coming... at the same time, AF often took me completely by surprise! I really didn't pay any attention to or even realized if my body showed all these other symptoms like different "shades" of CM , sensitive bbs (I'm like you magic... my bbs don't react to anything!), the pulling sensation, etc., etc.

Anyway, gotta cook dinner! Will be back w/ an update on the symptoms.

CloudyDay

Like Jolyn, I'll continue to note my symptoms so that I remember (and all of you can remind me!) next cycle and STOP myself from gettin' all wound up over nothing. So these are the pre-AF symptoms I've been experiencing today:

- pulling sensation noticeable all day, especially on right side
- sticky CM was alternately cream/yellow-coloured, brown, streaked with dark red blobs of blood, streaked with thin veins of bright red blood
- had some CM with pretty much every wipe
- lots of energy again today
- no noticeable bb sensations
- sleep was not as wakeful last night as it was earlier this week and last week
- still got my stupid muffin top... but can't blame it on bloating today... today it's aaaall fat!

BTW, one fun thing that came out of my Dr appointment yesterday: She said I must gain more weight... my BMI is a tad too low. Really don't want to purposely gain weight... it all goes straight to my already-too-plump tummy, making for an even fluffier muffin top! But, Dr said getting into higher BMI range will increase my chances of getting pregnant. She ALSO said I really need to stockpile more calcium. SOOO... I interpret that as meaning, "Go crazy on the ice cream and all those other NUMMY dairy desserts!!" ~sigh~ The things I'm doin' for my future !

magicvw

That's interesting! What's your bmi then Cloudy? And what would be a good one for TTC? Mine is 19.4 which i guess is a bit low too. i have yoghurt for breakfast every day, but I think eating more ice-cream might become a necessity for me too!!!

jolyn

Hey hun r u still in the game? I hope so xxx

CloudyDay

Hiya magic,

My bmi is currently 18.1 and Dr told me to get into the 18.5 range. I'm a shortie so that's why my BMI is lower than most gals. Dr didn't tell me why that's a good BMI for me... but I've seen charts in preg. books that show what your ideal BMI range is based on your height. Yah... getting the calcium in through my diet is a constant battle. If I drink cow's milk straight, I get gas (DH DOES NOT appreciate it... it's lethal! ) And, I've sworn off soy milk until I've conceived. Dairy desserts it is!

CloudyDay

AHHH... who am I kidding? I tried to pep myself up by dropping into Vivanco's "optimistic" thread. But, really and truly, I'm just plain bummed, frustrated and angry (at AF) that I'm going onto the 6th month of TTC. When I first began this TTC journey, I had NO CLUE how hard it would be to conceive. As the months go on, I slap myself harder and harder for not starting earlier. IF ONLY I'D KNOWN!!! ARGH!!! I was so stupid, ignorant and naive. I wish I could turn back time and give past me a good hard shake.

Sorry if you're reading this and gettin' bummed out. I just feel very low tonight. Each month that passes, I find it harder to believe that I'll ever get a . It really seems like an impossible dream. I keep having to push back those scary thoughts like "Could it take a whole year to conceive?" "Could I be infertile?" "What if, after a year, we still don't conceive, THEN I find out I'm infertile?" I also feel so greedy and insensitive for feeling this way because I know a lot of you wonderful gals have been TTC a whole lot longer than I.

~sigh~ I'm just in a bad place tonight...

nellis10

CD1 is always a low point in everyone's cycle....But the good news is that you joined about 5 others yesterday too who also began CD1!!!

I would say that if you had 4 good charting months showing your cycle, BD sessions and charting temps, then the gynae would be more keen to see you sooner as you are "Fertility Focussed" and planning your conception as opposed to 1yr of hit and miss.

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE HUN!!!! We are all on this journey with you!!