Right.. so Ive caved in to writing my own journal, mainly so i have somewhere to vent and hopefully someone somewhere will find it useful if not amusing at times

As Im not charting this journal will be more about how i feel and how the TCC journey chugs along..

So, Im 37 (38 in a week!) and my OH is 34. We've been together nearly 5 years and decided last year we would start TCC.

I started off in April, got a charting kit from Boots but i soon gave up as i found the temp thing too big a hassle.. I could never seem to get the timings right to temp properly so it was all over the place! Anyway, so having given up on this route I decided what I really needed was a CBFM and got going on ebay to buy one. In the meantime I signed up w/MyMonthlyCycles online so i had a chart of sorts where i could record periods and all symptoms and get some sort of idea of when i would ov etc.

I got my CBFM in the summer, it cost me about £60 and incl sticks and pg test. I was well psyched and ready to go.. or so i thought.

As the months passed i got more and more frustrated thinking i was probably passed it and that I should sign up for fertility treatment sooner rather than later.

When december came I decided i wouldnt get anymore sticks for the CBFM once i ran out at the end of that month as i was fed up and would go to the doctors in the new year.

My last period started 6th December.. I used the CBFM but due to some festive partying missed 2 days of testing (oops) the week starting 16th dec showed me being fertile so bd'd mon and wed..MyMonthlycycles showed me as ov on sun 23rd dec.. however CBFM showed I ov on thursday 20th!

I didnt think much of it and spent xmas getting v.merry w/plenty of drinks and food.. The week after New Years i noticed i felt very tired, unusually so for me..and frequent trips to the loo..period was due sun 6th of jan and when nothing happened i decided on the bus home from work i would test 'for fun' as I was convinced it would be negative.

When it came up positive i nearly passed out from the shock! I just couldn't believe it-i was pregnant!!! The line was faint, but there was not mistaking it and we were thrilled and not a little OMG!!

To make the next bit shorter I'll condense it a little but suffice it to say i spent every waking hour thinking 'im pregnant,im pregnant!!' I had all the symptoms except no morning sickness which my mum never had w/me so i was thankful for that. I spent hours trawling the web looking at ultrasound photos as the weeks progressed.. ebay for cheap maternity and baby stuff, just to check things out, of course

A soon as i found out i'd been to the dr and he set the wheels in motion for ante natal care etc. At my 10 week scan me and my OH were so exited to finally see the baby.. 1st trimester can be so boring as no bump and only you really you knowing you're pregnant sort of thing, so the US(ultrasound) was gonna be the first real confirmation of our bundle of joy!

Sadly it was not to be. No heartbeat and i was told the baby died at 6 weeks. We were naturally devastated... I now had to wait for another US in a week to confirm things but i knew it was all over. i had no pregnancy symptoms and i could now see in hindsight they had abated over the last 2 weeks, but i had nothing to compare it to so hadn't worried too much..

I called the hospital a few days later to request a d&c as i found the wait unbearable.. i was scheduled on the day of my US, a few days later that friday.. I started to get mc symptoms on thursday morning and by thursday night I was in total agony. The pain and bleeding was excruciating!!

I went to the hospital as scheduled and had the d&c and came out feeling brand new. the staff was amazing and i was given the all clear to start TTC as soon as

That was last friday and today its wednesday. I feel quite good although i have the odd down now and then, which is to be expected i guess.. My main feeling since has been one of feeling in a limbo.. im not pregnant and im not trying.. and I want to try again soon, soon... My Oh has been a rock and assured me as soon as i want we can try again

Last night my bleeding was practically gone and after a glass (or 2 ) of vino i suggested we could have a go... i really missed being close to him and i wanted to feel 'normal', i guess... it was lovely and i had no pain..so thats me back to ttc again!!... I have no great hope things will happen right away but just knowing I am back physically, if not hormonally is a great relief!

I promise my future posts will not be this long, i just thought I should give a run down of my story so far..to all!!!!

Today's thursday 29 Feb, hurray leapyear!

anyway, have only very slight spotting, well sort of more when you wipe thingy, and I did a pg test this morning just to see where hormones were at and it came out BFN... for once its something to be happy about It reads levels at 25 and over so im taking that as a good sig things are getting back to normal


OH and I are cautiously hoping we'll get preggers quite soon, we both think it could happen- however, even if we don't well, at least we know things work in that dept..which is always such a worry before you actually conceive.

I've read up on aspirin and how it helps fertility and especially if you've had a mc so i figured, why not? so im taking that now as well..it has to be a low dose though..less than 81mg.

Been to see the doc today as well and he said its up to me when i wanna ttc and just listen to my own body. ..and not to stop the folic acid-as if!! anyway, thats all from me for now,

to all!!

Hi

Great start to your journal lovely. Sounds like you are coming around to ttc again which is fantastic news.

I wish you all the very best and hope you get your BFP soon x

Sounds also like your getting back to normal, and i hope that you get a result soon.

I didn t know that about asprin, is that baby asprin?

Its true what Doc says i think when you listen to your body, sometimes you feel what is going on.

Well thats how i feel, its like this week i know my body is better just because everything seems to be going smoothly ..... i won't say too much though cos i'll curse myself ....lol

Morning Omi!

How are you today hun?

Glad you are really positive and raring to go xx

fingers crossed you get that rock soon!!

spart x

Aww..thanx guys.. I know im being silly but i really get so up and happy when i get a response to what im writing... im obviously in dire need of a new hobby, lol!!

Also, dont know if anyone noticed but i seem to be wishing my days away already, lol..i posted yesterday as thursday 29 feb..doh, that's today!!!!

And yes, Carmen its baby aspirin but in the UK i couldnt find any so its low dose aspirin, I bought some in Tesco's called aspirin tablets 75mg, enteric coated..very cheap as well...pennies!

here's a link if you wanna read some more about it http://www.thebabycorner.com/page/1372/

All the best to you ladies and thanks for being so great!! ( and thanx spart...time will tell, he, he )

Omi,

I'm also like you, i seem to enjoy my new hobbie. And i said to my hubby yesterday as he was looking over my shoulder while i was on the internet on baby and bump , sorry that i m on this page all the time don t think i m obessed its just helping me loads, here other people in the same situation and supporting each other. This two weeks have gone really better cos of it. I live in holland,so i m not with my mother or family, only my husbands family. So it was a really difficult time for me.
But well the moral to the story is that its a good sort of website to share things.

Hope we all have good news soon.

My Hcg is down to 4.2 ( so under 5 ) Finally

Hey sweetie thanks for your post in my journal!!

Yours is looking all nice and fresh so thought id pop over and clog it up some

These journals are addictive, you soon rack up the pages

Sorry to hear about your mc Hoping you get better asap and get the ball rolling again!! Dont worry you'll get your in no time

Sending lots of your way

Righty ho... so today's saturday 1st of March....only six days to my birthday!!!

I'm having a bit of a blah day today... its not bad and i suppose yesterday is to blame..

me and OH had a lovely night in, but one drink turned into a few more and we got very silly indeed, so im a bit hungover today..

Also, i talk enough when sober but get a drink in me and its like a flippin monologue sometimes..lol..so told OH that if he wants to cut down on bday present costs we can just get a ring instead..lol!! he shot me a look like, great, now you've ruined it but later admitted that had been his thought as well, ha, ha...

You see , he's been talking about proposing for a while so i though i'd be helpful..and there were rumblings he was up to something..me and my big mouth!!! LOL!! I have to go w/him to buy it though as he wants to make sure i get something i like- so maybe a proposal on my birthday!!!????? that would be nice...


Im a bit blah about this ttc malarkey as well.. to be honest, i have NO patience..never did never will....so just sitting around waiting for..well i dont know is a bit crap..after the mc/d&c last friday im now waiting for any signs anything is going on..so far zippo! But no spotting anymore so that's good.. Read online that IF eveything goes back to normal cd1 would be day of c&d..so im waiting for some signs sometime next week perhaps..fingers crossed, i guess..

in fact im gonna be cheeky and wish myself some babydust..hehe.. i'm hoping the idea that you're fertile post mc is true, lol.. wish me luck.. i'll keep on trying, lol...

good luck my lovely and i hope u get ur bfp next month but if not dont fret babe its just ur body coming round i am def going to keep checking up on ur journal now heheh hope ur ok xxxxx