Chellebelle

Hiya Omi

I don't think your bath will have washed them away hun. Loads of luck and for this tww. xxx

Farie

for this cycle, fingers tightly crossed for a for you

Omi

Thanks girls, your words and your support means so much!!

Well, yesterday went totally contrary to plan.. instead of the inteded outcome of him making some concessions and offering alternative ways of doing things it ended up as a total blame session which of course totally veared off course and settled on everything from money to me not listening to him- like ever, he tried to suggest!!?? (which is sooo not true) I just didnt understand what he was getting at and ended up being so upset i just cried and cried!!

Since it was late and he didnt want to go on any longer he went to bed and this morning left w/o kissing me goodbye as normal giving me a perfunctory 'im leaving' before going out the door. Great! So now im literally 'sitting' on eggshells not knowing how this evening will pan out... urgh! I like to get these things over with and move on. But i guess when i said what i said, that i didnt see the point of doing these things anymore he heard ' you suck and its all your fault!' which was of course NOT what i was saying, i just want him to take an active part in it.. and to make sure when he has to be at his best to lessen his work load- you know, take some responsibility for the babymaking. Thats all! is that too much to ask??

So, very ugly and nothing resolved so far. crap.

Tishimouse, reading your post its soooo exactly how i have it, just the same. Its like im damned if i do damned i dont. I have to tell him whats going otherwise nothing will get done (bd-wise) but if i tell him im stressing him out- what can i do!!???

Its so frustrating as i know we can get pregnant, obviously, but i also know time is not on my side. And fertility treatment has a 2 year waiting list in my area. Im gonna speak to the doc about getting us on the list, anyway..but i just want us to get on with it. he seems to act like (he doesnt say this of course, but i read it that way) oh, well..it didnt happen this month..while i see another months lost-ANOTHER one!!! And i dont have to point out there's only 12 in each year!!!!!! its like its no big deal while im starting to feel im getting my chance of motherhood and any future happiness snatched away by frankly flippant behaviour... oh, i dont know.

guess im ranting to you ladies..sorry!

Point is he needs to take some responsibility of us ttc and initiate sex again. God, i dread him coming home.. this is so depressing

I know it'll be fine in the end, it always is..but a change is on the cards and he must be in on it for it to work...

Wish me luck, and i apologise for going on and on...

, Omi xxx

ps.. can you imagine if i do get pg this month-- i'll feel like such a numptie- and he'll be all smug, the *******, lol!

Tishimouse

It will work out Omi, it's just a phase you are going through. You are both on a journey with no definite answers and impatient to get results.

I have been here with my husband and although we talked about it, things really didn't change. He still thinks I obsess about it and I suppose in a way I do, but I don't talk about it morning, noon and night. I do come on here a lot and find it helps me vent my frustrations when I feel the need. I even rang Relate and spent £45 to speak to a counsellor as I felt I was bashing my head up against a wall. It made me feel like shit as I cried so much I thought my head would burst, but when he came home I told him what I had done and he sat down and let me pour my heart out. I told him everything I had been thinking (again), but this time he really listened as he knew it was serious because I had called for outside help.

I was able to tell him how I felt I was the only one taking charge of anything, that I was the one temping, charting and using the CBFM, not to mention the stress of going through the test strip phase without anyone to share it with. He just sat and listened and I told him how lonely I felt. He was quite shocked and had no idea how sad I had been feeling.

Now he knows, he still gives me just as much support from day to day as he always has. The difference is I can see it. I realise that he is not one of those men who can 'perform' when requested, so I take my chances and instigate BD around ovulation. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but I have learned to accept that that's the way it is.

I hope you both manage to talk things through sensibly and that you both feel better after you do. Honesty is the best policy, but should be expressed with kindness and trickle fed to the recipient. Blurting out the whole lot in one go is akin to a slap in the face with a wet fish.

Slowly and kindly. It will make you both feel better my fellow Celt (I'm Irish).




PS: Are you both Scottish? If so, perhaps a telephone call to each other would be better or perhaps put the good crockery away beforehand.

tansey

Omi i hate it when that happens. They do reverse guilt on you! Now you feel awful when he should. Sounds like Tish has good advice! I just hope you sort it out before bed tonight. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

miel

ANYA

Lots of hun. I also understand what you are going through. I feel alone sometimes cause I'm the one charting and tempting and having to ensure that we BD on time, and every month when the arrives I feel like I'm the only one dissapointed.

I applaud you for having the courage to speak up.

I hope everything works out.

Omi

Hi Girls,

and thank you so much for reading my rants AND you are very, very right Tishi, Anya and Tansey Everythings fine now, yay!!!

I broached the subject last night when he came home starting with 'i do not think its all your fault' and 'i dont think you're crap'. Or 'evil' he threw in, lol!..cant remember to have said that, but oh well...

I said i only hope for 3 things being; a) that i want him to be more involved b) initiate sex when ov/ or not and c) when ov time comes, to make some concessions at work so he isnt knackered.

Oh said i had made som very good points the night before and he agreed with ALL of it!! And he said for me to let me know when ov is - we settled on a print out on fridge door, which he will consult. That he realises he has been a bit rubbish about initiating sex and shall rememdy this and, to speak to his business partner (we're all quite close to and he knows all about the mc and ttc) and tell him when its optimum/ov time to get time off- which he says is not gonna be a problem as our friend is gonna be very understanding about this. He also explained that he misunderstood or similar about the saturday and sunday..(which is plausable as had made contradicting statments, however).. i just wanted to make double sure once i had the opk- which he agreed was very reasonable and he apologised. God i lurve him!!!!!

It was really, really good and he also made point of saying he loves me very much which is why he proposed, for me to be his wife, we're a team, together forever etc etc.. Aawww. We both then agreed that we really rock as a couple and at least when we have tiffs they're about real stuff not silly things- i concur!!!

So, all sorted. Very happy. He keeps saying, 'you could be pregnant now!'.. i dont know..but i did ask wether he thinks getting that new 6 days early first response thing is a good idea. He said 'why not' and then asked how much it is and how many you get in a pack... i was like...er... One... LOL!!

So all is well that ends well, which is usually how we do it.. but we really are people who hate confrontation so its never a good experience until resolved.. despite the lack of shouting or name calling..

I did make a point however, to say i do understand that no go is gonna happen once in a while..well, it is.. come on, we're all human and as he said of the the sunday fiasco that not even a winch would have gotten it up for him as was that tired..

Anyway, we have a plan, an understanding and love, so i guess the moral of the story is, only communication works!!!

Now bring on the !!!!!!

Thanks again for taking time to read and support, it makes a world of a difference to have you girls to vent to

, Omi xxx

Ps, Tish, OH is Scottish, im not but i suspect my Polish blood is a bit more exitable than his, lol!! And i do brake crockery-- accidentally, only accidentally..very clumsy- luckily his mum is too, so he seems calm with this aspect of my personality.. i swear to God that if i was blind i still wouldnt make my way through the house without knocking into things and having legs that look like the map of Britain ..ha, ha!!

tansey

That's great hun. All worked out nicely in the end! Good luck xxx

Lazy Leo

Hi Omi, sorry to hear you were having a bad time but so glad you got it all sorted out. at putting a chart on the fridge, but what the hell - if it works then why not! Go get that hun - I want someone to come to the QM with me!