Well I have decided to keep a journal of my journey.....more so to give me somewhere to put my frustrations down as it has been a very long time TTC ..more than 3 years

anyway where best to start then at the beginning

I got married on 22 July 2004 and my cousins stupid wife had given me some tabs to stop me getting my period as they were due around my wedding and i didnt wana deal with AF during my wedding and honeymoon

and therein begins my saga....after i stopped those tabs she gave me my cycles and periods went haywire

i was getting AF for 2 weeks then it wud stop and start a week later....sometimes my cycles were long sometimes short...it was all over the place

my doc in oz put me on the pill but it made no difference so she said i shud just do nothing ...

anyway pretty much since i have been married i havent taken any kind of contraception whatsoever

hubby has been tested.... all clear
i have had blood tests, hormone test , lapro....the works....all clear

i have taken clomid tabs for 6 months.....nothing

when i moved from Oz 2 Pakistan my gyno wanted to do all my tests again....

now i have moved to Saudi Arabia and my gyno is doing all the tests again

i wana just why cant they just pick up off where the last doc stopped rather than go right back to the beginning again

i am feeling more and more depressed and try not 2 think about it....i went thru a charting, temping , ov tests etc etc etc phase and i cudnt handle it...every BFN AF was a day i wud feel like i died a lil more

every AF still makes me feel that way....everyone seems to be able to have kids ...friends family and i feel a failure...one more thing i cannot do...great!

now in saudi i cannot drive or leave the house and go see the gyno by myself ....stupid laws they have here ....so i am at DH's mercy and cant only go wen he is able 2 take me and obviously i cant have him keep taking time off work

i try 2 keep DH out of the whole TTC loop....he just doesnt comprehend the ups & downs ... the rage, the tears, the frustration and that pisses me off so i dont talk 2 him about it

anyway i am on CD 24 and who knows how long this cycle will be

lets see

Good luck with with your TTC journey hun, i hope you get the BFP you want really soon. This site is really good for everything, support, advice etc. Lots and lots of *babydust* xxxxxx

Good luck hun. You sound like you've had a rough ride.
Have some for you diary. x

today is another day ....Mon 25th Feb and i feel a little weepy...ive noticed i have become very emotional for the past few months.....b4 i used 2 feel this way coz it was PMS now its a constant weepy feeling

nothing seems to be going right

Uni has screwed me over with credits so i cannot finish my degree...i have to start a new career now aged 32 *sigh*

TTCing well....we know how thats going

life is mundane and boring...i have no friends here in saudi and i feel really alone and lonely most days

CD 26....boobs r tender so i guess AF is on her way

grrrrrrrrr

i hate TTC

Hello poppet just wanted to pop in and wish you good luck on your journey and give you a little

well AF reared her ugly head

anyway i went back to gyno and she did an internal ultrasound and said everything was ok...follicles were a tad small for CD 9 but anyway

have more tests etc to do nxt cycle....its a bitch trying 2 do all these tests without telling DH why i am doing it...and i cant go myself as in saudi women cannot drive or go out unaccompanied so he is the only person i can go with as i do not have any friends etc i can go with ...its a pain as he keeps asking why i am having all these tests and i keep saying its coz my cycles are really irregular...which is true but its not why i am having the tests!

*sigh* i duno anyway DH is being moody ....whoever said we women were moody...they obviously hadnt met enuf moody men! it frustrates me when i see him after the whole day and he gets in a hump for no reason

he was telling me about his day and in the middle i asked him to put something in the fridge as i was washing up....that was it....he refused 2 finish telling me about his day and then just went upstairs to watch a dvd on his laptop!

so all in all i spent about 1/2 hour with hubby yesterday....great for baby making isnt it

grrrrrrr

Awww sorry she got you hunni!!

I took those tablets once too. Was on holiday in Florida and I asked doc to give me something so that I skipped period.

I ended up in a terrible state. Blisters head to foot (literally) and constantly being sick.

Stomach bloated right up. So did my feet.

Side effects of pills

"May cause water retention!"

Would have preferred the period!!!

Good luck, love.

Ah, life in Saudi ... don't you just love it. I spent 5 years in the Gulf and know all about feeling isolated. However, it didn't take me long to make some good friends, so I am sure you will be the same in time ... I hope so anyway.

You need to get involved in some sports or activity that you can go to with friends who are not your husband.

I also honestly, hand on my heart think you should discuss your tests and the full reason for them with him. He may surprise you and be very understanding and helpful. At least he will understand your moods and frustration and perhaps not feel so frustrated himself. Think about it, as only you know the reason why you haven't shared this with him.

As for the need to throw fits. You are in the right place here to do that. We don't mind a bit and do it ourselves from time to time. But it sounds like you are close to tears at the moment and we can't have that.

The stress of wondering if everything is all right could be one of your biggest problems and reasons for not getting pregnant, so that needs to be addressed as best possible.

Please don't feel lonely, you have lots of cyber buddies for a start here who won't ignore you questions. Just wait and see, before long it will be you giving the advice and lending a shoulder for others to cry on.

Wishing you well and sending you some cyber and a cyber