First of all, since I was about 16 I've always believed I've ovulated around CD10 because that's when I get the fertile fluid, the ovulation pain, and the increased sex drive. My husband and I decided that we didn't want chemical birth control and we were not ready for children, so we either used a condom, abstained, or pulled out until after all the body signs of ovulation were done and I would always count my days. The thing is, after this time I have zero desire for sex. In fact it's very difficult to get aroused and intercourse is often painful. I could always tell when I was going to get my period because my sex drive would come roaring back the day before I started.
I went to a doctor for this and it was suggested that we could use some sex toys to liven up our bedroom life.
Things went on like this for 10 years and when we never had one accident or one possible pregnancy, we figured babies were simply not in our horizon.
Then about two years ago things changed. I got talked into sex on CD 13 when I was so very much NOT in the mood. It's very difficult to talk me into sex when I'm not in the mood that it's totally not a big thing that sex never happened on CD13 before. 4 days later I began spotting and cramping. Totally not something I'd ever done before. I knew nothing about fertility or about how to be pregnant, how to know if your pregnant, or how to handle maybe being pregnant. After 5 days of spotting I took a pee test and it was negative. I believed it and went about my business. Then I started getting horribly achy, tired, and my breasts started to hurt. After another 5 days I took a second test. Negative. I continued to use Arnica cream on my achy muscles and breasts, I continued taking hot baths to relieve my discomfort, and I continued taking IB Prophin.
3 days later I took a third test because I was still spotting and missing a period. Negative. 3 days later I took a fourth test. Negative. I called my MD and complained about 4 negative tests, a missed period, sore breast, nausea, sensitive smell, cramping, and frequent urination. I had a pap-smear, and they tested me for a UTI, thyroid issues, red blood cell count, white blood cell count, and various other things. They gave me another test, negative, and completely ruled out pregnancy. All my test results came back beautifully normal.
Finally at 7 weeks since my last period I called the doctor and lied and said I had a positive home test and asked for a blood test. Later that day I began having strange shooting pains in my vagina. I gave blood the next morning (a Tuesday), and the results would take 48 to get back. Wednesday I started cramping bad and passed a huge grayish, hard blood clot, but had no bleeding, just some brown spotting. Thursday my results came back positive but my numbers were so very low that I was told to expect bleeding.
I never really bleed, just spotting for another 10 days. After 7 days of spotting I woke up on a Sunday Morning with hot, shooting pains in my uterus. I figured I had an infection due to lack of bleeding and went to the emergency room. They did a pee test that came back negative and told me that if I had had a miscarriage then I would still be reading a faint positive. They said it sounded more like I was ovulating.
I yelled at the doctor like I thought he was the was biggest idiot on the planet. Like I haven't been menstruating for over 20 years and I know what I should effing feeling like. He got embarrassed and ordered a full ultrasound. That only showed that I was completely healthy and ovulating.
After that my husband and I decided that if we could make babies, we really should because we were running out time.
So I began charting and found an OB. He listened to my story, said I was obviously fine and told me to chart 2 months and come back.
I was fully expecting my charts to read that I was ovulating on CD 10 to match my body symptoms, but instead I found that I was ovulating on CD14, with no fertile signs at all. The OB was no help and said that a hormone panel couldn't say anything and all he could be was put me on Clomid. He did give me some progesterone because I was not having any kind of period at all. It took almost 3 cycles for my period to come back.
I promptley took 2 months off, then started again.
I got three more charts and went looking for a fertility specialist.
On the third chart I suddenly had all the first signs as I did when I got pregnant. Early spotting, sensitive smell, nausea. Then my period came right on time, only not normal. It was one day that was so heavy it was almost a pad an hour, then 10 days of brown spotting.
I made an appointment with the new doctor. He did a 3 day hormone panel and a pregnancy test. The result came back with me in full blow menopause, no pregnancy test, and my name being Jennifer. (Katherine is in no way similar to Jennifer.)
I asked for a second blood test and was denied because obviously I was in full menopause and couldn't be pregnant. I asked for a second blood test and was told to wait 3 months or so. I informed them I was not Jennifer and the name on the chart was crossed out and corrected.
This doctor did an ultrasound that lasted all of 30 seconds where he deduced that my ovaries where too small to function, the lining of my uterus was too thin to be functional, and I was not having a period because obviously I'd simply stopping menstruating.
I was completely disgusted by this man and never returned to his office, even refused to pay his bill.
Instead I asked around at work for anyone who had a good OB. I found a man who came recommended by 2 woman and he was another fertility specialist.
He listened to my story, looked at my 6 months of charts, and decided to run another 3 day panel. He also wanted to do a pelvic exam and this was, coincidently, on the day I got my period back after the last pregnancy maybe. I was bleeding extremely heavy and I kept telling him that it wasn't normal because I hadn't had a period in three months, but he wouldn't listen. He just kept saying it was too much bleeding and he wanted to do a proceedure to reduce my periods (and make it near impossible to get pregnant). I absolutely refused.
He did the 3 day panel and all my levels came back normal. He did an ultrasound on CD7 and said my ovaries were beautiful, my lining was good, and assuming everything he couldn't see was working, there was no reason I couldn't get pregnant.
I told him about how my charting indicated one thing (ovulation on CD14) but my body signs indicated another (ovulation on day 10). He said he didn't believe in charting and that charts were proven to be inaccurate, and that if I'd been sexual for 12 years then we should have at least been pregnant once, so I'm probably not ovulating at all.
I told him we used FAM and he said that meant very little and wanted to set up a laper-something-kind-of-surgery. Again I refused. I want more testing done before I have anesthetic.
He sent me away and told me to take 3 months off, then come back.
My husband and I were again completely disgusted and gave up TTC. We stopped abstaining, using condoms, and pulling out, and decided to just leave it in the hands of fate.
We've avoided CD13 of almost 6 months because the fiasco is too emotionally draining.
Then in November it starting again. I was back to normal, perfect, beautifully regular 24 days cycles with an even 10 day luteal that I had been told by all the doctors, including my MD was normal and healthy. Everything was going great.
Then my husband had to go out of town for 10 days. The day he returned we...you know...
4 days later I started cramping and counted my days. Sure enough he returned on CD13. Then my period was 3 days late. I had one day of medium bleeding, then 7 days of brown stopping.
I didn't think about, didn't talk about it, didn't even look at it. I didn't want to know. I started charting so I could see how things looked and know if I was getting back to normal. We purposefully missed CD 13, but had a midnight...you know...on CD 16. I took my temp in the morning as usual and saw that I was having a super mega temp dip. I gave no thought to it but 4 days later I got super bad cramping, tender breasts, frequent urination, nausea. It lasted one day, and the next day I felt great, but I was spotting, and my hair stopping coming out in my brush.
Then I bleed lightly 2 days early. It lasted a day and half and I spotted 5 more days. My boobs hurt, I was peeing every 20 minutes, I had nausea, a metallic taste in my mouth, and my viens started popping out.
I didn't bother with any pregnancy tests, instead I just went on my insurance web site and found doctor number 4. Actually this one is an Osteopath instead. I figured I might have better luck this way. The first appointment I could get for a new patient was February 4th. I didn't mention possible pregnancy.

Things actually started on Monday, Jan 14th. I was moving things at work, like I have done a thousand times before, even with a possible pregnancy, and began spotting. I tried as best I could to keep off my feet and the spotting quickly stopped. This happened about 11am and I had no other instances. Luckily this was my friday and I intended to have a light weekend.
I had one more instance of spotting right at bed time, but it was lighter and dark brown.
Tuesday was a very quiet day. Except for two short errands I spent the entire day kicked back on the couch doing very little. Things were going fine until around 5 when I got up to make dinner. I starting having this tingly feeling I get a few days before I start my period. I felt very wet and kept going to the bathroom to check but there was never anything there.
Then at bedtime I suddenly starting spotting heavily.
I woke up around 3:30 to cramping and my spotting was getting worse. I took my temperature and find it much lower then the past 20 days.
My husband and I decided to go to the emergency room to get definite answers one way or the other. I told them that I had received a positive test simply because without I would not be seen.
First I was told to pee in a cup. Then I was ushered to a strange chair where I had to wait for a pelvic. The pelvic exam was quite painful and the doctor was very respectful. He said my pee test came back negative so probably I had already miscarried.
Then I had to have blood drawn. Then I was taken for an ultrasound.
Then I had to wait for results.
Before I was given my results there was a shift change and the respectful doctor went home. I over heard my chart being handed off. I was called 'a first timer'. I heard the man say 'This was negative, but that was positive so we're waiting on the labs and the u/s.' I have no idea what 'this' or 'that' was.
Then a very insensitive man came into my spot and informed me that obviously my home test had been inaccurate because his said I wasn't pregnant. Then he indicated that maybe I simply miscounted my days. I calmly replied 'either I'm 18 days late or 2 weeks early.' He just gave me a blank look and said 'If you want a baby so bad, why don't you just do invetro?'
I replied "I'm not interested in getting pregnant today, asshole. I want to know what's going on right now.' I also started crying.
He disappeared and a woman came in and asked if I was ok.
I felt violated, I felt belittled, I felt disrespected. How was I supposed to be ok.

I never once said I was pregnant. The most I ever said was that all the signs were starting to point in a certain direction. But still people treat me like a joke. Like the idea of me actually being pregnant is right up there with the one about the blond in the round room.

Now I feel like I've lost a possible baby and I don't even have the right to grieve because there was never any proof it actually existed. Now even my husband is wondering if I'm psychologically doing something to keep my temps elevated.

I feel like I'm being treated like some hysterical woman with a phantom pregnancy.

I started bleeding about an hour after I got home but the bleeding was never heavy or excessive. So far I've had 2 days of bleeding that is too heavy to be called light and too light to be called heavy. I've had some cramping, but nothing like I did the last time when I passed the gray matter. My boobs still hurt the same, but my nausea has actually increased. My temps are erratic and my hair has begun to fall out again.

Now I am confused.
I have only had 1 pre-pregnancy temp and my symptoms seem to be getting worse.
How can be pregnant with a HCG level of 'less then 1' and why are my symptoms getting worse?

hi ive just red your story seems like youve been through it all, no one knows your body better then you. if you want to grieve you grieve. wish you all the best xxx

Hey Pinky - I just read your story. I'm so sorry you've had such rough time. I dont know what to say - some Dr's have a shocking bedside manner.