**** Since my post got lost! ****

So last night Jack and I went to bed at the same time but with the lights off stayed up for hours talking about future baby names. You all are going to think that we are dorky but these are the names we really are thinking off... LOL

Boys
Jack Nelson (III) - After my Husband and Father-in-law
Steven Roger - After Captain America (Steve Rogers) LMAO It is my honey's hero so I gave in.

Girls
Sakura Ann - Because I love cherry blossoms, NOT because I am an uber manga/anime geek but I doubt anyone would believe me.
Abigail Chase - After the comic book character from Danger Girl (Abby Chase). This was another DH idea but after weeks are talking to me about it, I gave in. LOL

Honestly, we have for years talked about using Jack or Sakura but now we have more in the mix. Does this mean now we need to have 4 kids?! LOL Honestly, Jack and I are so into having a kid now it is awesome. For years, it was like, "it is not happening so we will wait and see what happens." but now it is in action.

Update - My sister loves Abigail. LOL

So... still no . I don't even feel like she is going to be coming anytime soon either.

Seriously though, the Met is making me a bitch. I mean SERIOUSLY! Not with Jack but the kids at work are driving me mad. Usually I have a lot of patience but right now all their high school drama is driving me crazy. Usually I can laugh off their stuff but lately I have been telling them to shut up and stuff. (Thank god they still like me. I am the good manager. )

Hopefully something happens soon! I can be patient until May. Once May comes and I get on more meds, I will be totally impatient.

Those are nice names! I love staying up in bed talking about names (I do it maybe hmmmm 4 nights out of the week ) Your DH's comic book / super hero names work! I don't think people would think they are from superheros and what not unless you told them... who knows what the kid will think later in like though...but then i think it will be ok! My DH has a friend named Peter Park(er) and the guy is like 25? 26? But has Spiderman covers on his bed - no joke! he loves his name being related to a popular superhero!

Beautiful names. I know how you feel about the AF situation. I'm going to try some parsley tea today, about 4 cups a day, i've heard that does good things for brining on a period

Thanks Ney Ney. I will look into that.

Today I am irked. In 2 days, it will have been 2 months since my last period even though I have been on Met for over a month. WTF is that. BTW... Met is not helping lose weight either. What a crock of crap!!!!!! Sarah = bitter!!!

Today I also had to go buy one of those medicine cases old people have to keep track of their pills because I can never remember if I have taken my pills or not. (I mean, I have never missed any but I just have to really think about it, you know.) If I worked a normal schedule, it would be easier to take my pills on a normal basis but I work anything but a normal schedule.

I hate this sometimes. I just want to be normal! I want regular periods! I want to ovulate! I want to make my husband a daddy!

Yesterday I hosted the baby shower for my friend and it went well. She was all happy. I am glad she is but this little seed of jealousy was in my mind the whole time. Everyone kept saying that they would be doing my shower next but it only made me feel bitter as opposed to excited. I really hope my time is soon....

Hahahah awww honey I have one of those pill boxes!!!

I'll show you a couple of pics







So honey lets go insane together!
Two crazies are better than one!

Yay! Me and You, Ney Ney. We will be the crazy Met girls! LOL!!! I will show you pics of my box tonight after work. It is pretty cute, actually. (I am such a nerd.)

^ Isn't my little turtle pill case cute? LOL

All the brats at work... *cough* I mean, all the kids at work were teasing me and calling me old. Whatever. LOL Good thing I like 90% of them.

I am not going to whine about the same thing over and over again so just let me say that I still think that my lack of periods sucks and that I think some evil god out there has been playing a trick on me with my periods since I was 13.

Love you all....

Inserted edit*******************

Just f-ing kill me. WHY THE HELL DOESN'T THIS SHIT WORK FOR ME LIKE IT DOES OTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!! *hissy* I sooooooooooooooooooo know I am supposed to be happy for others but sometimes it is so damn hard.... UGH!!!!

************ One more edit...

I need another blinkie that says "If kicking and screaming got you pregnant, I'd have my own baseball team!"

On Sunday morning, I stood up to leave for work and I got this horrible sharp pain in my right abdomen (where my ovary should be) and I seriously feel on to the couch. My husband was like, WTF?! It was so quick and painful but in 15 second or so, it was gone.

I wonder what that was all about. I have still been feeling nauseous off and on so Friday I may buy a HPT and just see what it says. No hurt in trying, right?

I am so torn right now. It seems like everyone in my life right now is making plans for my future baby. Although I have only been here in AK since Jan '07, you'd think I'd known my good friends all my life. They are great. They always talk about the fab baby shower that they will give me and how Jack and I will be great parents and how they all want to be a part of the babies life but *sigh*... It is hard.

They don't realize how long this road has already been. How many times since 1999 that I have thought, "Am I pregnant?" or "Can I get pregnant?" It is all a roller coaster. For most of them, they are several years younger, have children and just do not understand the challenge it has been to get pregnant but even those who do just say the normal, "It will happen soon." still do not understand.

Hey, I am all for positivity but come on... I have to be a realist these days for my own personal sanity. Someone on here was once impressed at my ability to avoid HPTs but after so long.... I honestly do not know what I will do when it does happen. I may just pass out.

I really do not where this post is going as it is 2am but I just needed to vent. I am glad my friends are excited for DH and I but right now I feel so emotionally absent from the TTC girl that posts on this board when I talk to my friends. I can no longer allow myself to get as wrapped up on each and every symptom when over the years, I have only even met with disappointment. I am not saying that I have no hope but it is just hard to have faith, you know?

I know for a fact that DH feels the same way that I do. He wants a baby as badly as I do and is so on the TTC train but we both try to be realistic. The days of crying or getting depressed over a BFN are mostly gone. Now we just hope and pray and take it day by day.

Just venting my thought...