Hi Girls. Its over. Officially. It was like my body knew I needed answers - I arrived at the doctors and had to pee and poof. Red blood. Not the browny icky dry gunk that's been on and off for a week, but proper reddy brown AF-type flow, albeit not heavy... yet...
The cramps are worse than Ive ever had, though not unbearable - doc said that was of course normal. If I'd not been testing and temping and hoping and waiting I wouldve thought this was a late, heavy, sore AF with spotting beforehand...
Ive ONE thing to thank God for: its not ectopic, 99% sure. Ive got two more apmts, tomorrow and wednesday; I got poked and prodded and ultrasounded for over 20 mins while he looked and looked and looked again for evidence of an ectopic... As they say in Swiss German, nüt. Thank God.
Guess I should make a cheesy blinky of some sort... Y'know, a 5 weeks, 4 days in my womb thing... although I probably lost it last Tuesday already, which was like 4 weeks 6 days... VERY early, really. I cant do it. I wont forget this, but I dont really want to be continually reminded of it, either...
Im terrible, but all I can feel right now is relief. I was so terrified of it being an ectopic pregnancy, which has consequences on future fertility, that it almost seems a blessing to have had a 'normal' miscarriage...
Dont get me wrong, I am gutted, of course. I've had many a
this week already, but Ive had the whole week to 'grieve' - this is not the shock that it would have been had I not bled for 6 days already... And I must say this: if ONE good thing came out of this, it was to prove to DH (to HIMSELF) that he DOES really truly want kids. He drank every slope-side beer the whole week to our "mini", hoping it would turn out ok. And he said, when it was pretty clear that it wouldn't "ok, when are you next fertile?? I want to know, we'll do it right this time"...
So there we are. I won't be posting in the WTT forum, or the loss forum - I really think Im ok, actually. Will now watch a sappy movie so I can cry on my own, and then tomorrow I will get up, go for a run (im allowed, I asked) and get on with my life til my next AF shows up. Hopefully a D&C wont be necessary, I forgot to ask how long the bleeding should last now that its really started... But, we have the ok to go ahead right away after next AF, thank bliss!!!
I will now stalk you all for the next while, watching and praying for BFPs for everyone!!!
Gonna go catch up on what I missed!!
signs yet, and now this
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