Oh, Girls, I'm back and all teary eyed from your posts in my journal... Its so so so nice that you've all thought of me!!!! Ive missed you too, you wont possibly know how much until you've read this - what will surely end up a MONSTER post!!!!!!!!!! ... I've had the WORST week of my LIFE, you cannot imagine!!!!!!!!
It started off awesome, telling DH on Sat morning... He had a typical DH reaction, actually said "oh shit!?!?! How did this happen?!?" and banged his head on the wall... (could I have expected anything else from my DH!?!?) BUT he then proceeded to hug and kiss me, touch my belly and say "hey in there"
Then he called his best friend and with a big huge grin on his face told him... it was actually sweet in a rather confusing-Ive-just-woken-up-this-is-too-much-at-9am way
And then we left for Zermatt.
And Ive been browny-gunk-tissue-in-there-"spotting" since Monday night.
I dont know what to think. We had a bit of a fool around Monday night, after which I had a few eeny weeny spots of brownish discharge... I didnt even panic then, I know that can happen sometimes. But then Tuesday morning I was still 'spotting'. It seemed to go away during the day, I went snowboarding and was checking my knickers every chance I got, and nothing. So I relaxed. 'Til I got home, ate dinner and felt this 'gush'... more brown liquidy discharge (so sorry for the tmi), enough to almost go thru my undies. THEN I panicked.
I called the emergency doctor, who told me he was terribly terribly sorry (he was wonderful, told me to keep my chin up, if it wasnt this time, Id be blessed again soon, it happens so often, not my fault, etc etc), but so early on, it was pretty sure a miscarriage was on its way, and there was nothing to do... I should see the ob-gyn in the morning...
I have been seeing her every day since!!! Ive had 2 ultrasounds, 3 blood tests (I feel like a pin-cushion), as of Friday my uterus was still empty, and my hcg wasnt going up as it should... She was pretty sure Ive an ectopic pregnancy... To add to that, I caught the WORST cold of my LIFE, been blowing my brains out since Thursday, I still look like death warmed over with a crusty-rubbed-raw nose... AND I DONT HAVE ANY ANSWERS?!?!?
The diagnosis isnt 100% sure - she couldnt find anything in my fallopian tubes either... Im on med leave and Ive now to wait until Tuesday, when Ive an apt with my regular ob-gyn in Berne. ... If it is ectopic, I get needles stuck in me to stop cell growth (and have to be thankful it was caught early enough)... and Ill then not be in First Tri, but WTT for God-knows-how-long...
What can I say?!?!? That was as short as I could make my account of a roller coaster horrid week...
THIS is what I get for bragging about being in First Tri when I get back...!?!?
And now, you'll never guess... The bleeding has all but stopped, back to the ordinary whitish stuff w/ a tinge of brown (sorry again...) - if I werent looking for bleeding now, I prolly wouldnt even notice the tinge... Ive had NO pain, none, zip, zilch, zero, my breasts are still killing me... but im not feeling sick, Im not nearly as tired as I was when I got my bfp... ?!? (although that could be because all ive done is sleep and hang around all day for a week)...
Im to the point where ive next to no hope, I just want the needle so I can play the waiting-for-af game and we can start again... Isnt that horrible!?!? And yet every night I put my hand on my stomach and HOPE that there is still sth in there...
Ill keep you all posted, of course. Im off to beddy byes now. A million
to all...
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