TTC Journals

Capuru · Jan 2nd, 2008, 07:43 AM

HI

to break the ice you may call me Jiset I'm 20 years old and live with my wonderful Fiance Ant who is also 20, he is the greatest thing thats ever happened to me

we've been together and madly in love since High School and have been TTC for more than 3 long years

The reason I am here is because I broke down about 2 months ago, I had been trying so long (you can say more than 3 years because prior we were just what ever happens happens later in the year he wanted to actively try) well my 17 year old sister started dating a guy in March 2007 and he was promising her a serious relationship with future plans of marriage and family blah blah

...... well sadly my uncle died in Sept and me and my sis had to fly up to Puerto Rico for his funeral, God Bless Him..so Ant calls within the week and tells me that his dad had a dream that he saw two pregnant girls so he told me to test just in case and I was hopeful, of course..

Soo we got back and I was sad, then in November my lil sis was complaining about throwing up we figured it was normal because she had stomach ulcers that caused that before, and my mom thought it weird so she made her take an HPT and wouldn't ya know it, it was a

I wanted to be happy and I was but I was also devastated

and in shock

.

She went to get her first check up and the lady had said she was 3 months and some days but when she went to get her first u/s she was actually 5 months and some days!!!

that means she got pregnant around June just 3 months after they started dating!!!!!!! I didn't except that at all because it was the farthest thing from our minds that she could be pregnant and instead of me being the one testing in Sept. it should have been her. I cried a lot when I found out because I want this for us soo bad and after everyone found out they were coming up to me right away saying "it's ok, for some people it takes long you just need to be patient and don't feel bad that it hasn't happened for you yet" and that was their first reaction because they knew I was actively trying I felt horrible

When I first saw that

my heart just sank to the bottom of the ocean attached to an anchor tied to a sinking boat...I tried to hold it in the whole time they were here and when they left home the faucets were turned on all the way my Fiance tried to make me feel better asked me to please not cry because it hurts him to see me so sad about it and he held me for a while and I did feel good in his arms, it feels so good to have his support, he knows how much I wanted this, and he tried to take me out to forget about it for a while but WOW did it hurt so much

eventually I started getting better the anchor somehow unattached from my heart and I was happy for my sis I was happy the whole time before but I was just hurt. Her guy is now an ex because he didn't want to take responsibility and decided he's not ready for a relationship and he prefers to be a mama's boy till he's 25 or so (these words were said by him) I think she can do waay better.

I know my close family wants to make me feel better but I don't know if they really understand my situation. Here I saw a lot of journals that I could relate to and they have helped I've learned new things and I feel so much hope when I see a person trying for so long and at the end they get their miracle in the most amazing way I am hoping that my TTC Journal is one of those.

So what am I doing to get to my ultimate goal? Right now I'm just DTD at least every two to three days during the month at the moment I'm not using opk's because I know they do tend to get expensive especially for me because I don't have a normal period at all i just had a few normal cycles in a row this year and I used an opk once in the year of 07 I learned that my o days are anywhere from 25-31st day in the month so we just do it more often from 20-31st of the month lol

but we focus more on 24-28. Since this is a new year I was thinking of charting I think it would help a lot. I'm also trying not to be stressed a lot Ant helps me with that and I really don't stress much. I'm taking prenatals just in case.

Some good news is that I haven't seen AF in December and not really in Nov I just had a scary situation on the 24th (tmi) after we DTD I was bleeding badly I was really scared but it went away after 2 days, that had never really happened before except about 2 years ago when I believe I had a m/c, at the time I worked for Winn-Dixie as a cashier and I had to do a lot of heavy lifting and side to side, up, down and standing for long hours one day I had really really bad pain in my lower area and Ant had to come pick me up later I was bleeding very badly. When I got to my moms house I ran to the bathroom and something heavier than normal dropped I looked inside the toilet and I knew it wasn't a blood clot I was to scared and didn't know what to do so I called Ant and he didn't know what to do, I had gotten a positive hpt earlier in the month but later took a second one which was negative so I thought maybe it was nothing and I flushed it

the next day I still had pain I told my friend about it and she had went threw it and told me it was likely a m/c so I went to the er and explained it to the lady who checks you at first and asks questions and she said the same thing.

but the emergency room Dr. said that the pg test was a

but I read that if the baby was already gone for a while then the hcg could not be readable because it decreases everyday and I wasn't to far along so they wouldn't be able to tell by looking which they didn't even really do, there are so many people there they just try moving people along to clear the waiting room which is horrible because that is something really important it might not be to them but it is to the person going through it. Yea so I'm hoping that this new years is it I'm praying that this is my

year.

By the way my sis is having a Girl!!

If AF don't show her face by the 9th of Jan then I

weeee!!! ^_^ hopefully

I am thankful that I could let this all out I do feel even more hopeful now I hope I get my miracle soon.

Anyone who prays please pray for me I will pray for all of you too, lots and lots and lots of

baby dust!

Capuru · Jan 2nd, 2008, 08:05 AM

Well during my uh previous entry I took a break for bding just for fun lol

um...(tmi) in the bathroom when I was wiping I saw very light pink, I believe I ovulated on the 26th of December could this be implantation bleeding?

Also I read a lot on here about FF I tried it just now it wasn't very accurate for me and I see it tends to be way off for other people. Can anyone let me know how accurate FF is for them or how inaccurate thanks

Capuru
@->-->---

dakini · Jan 2nd, 2008, 15:17 PM

Hey, welcome to B&B! Sorry to hear you've had such a long road. But it will get better.

I have good feelings that 2008 will be your year.

I have found FF to be fairly accurate (only using it for about 3 cycles now though), but one month when I had a fever it was off. Only using temping though, nothing else. If you'd like some help with temping, just PM me. That way I can answer questions. If you post in the forum someone else is sure to help too.

GL on your journey.

Should have added, that yes, this could be implantation spotting. Is it normal for you? Anything out of the normal is a good sign, though not always. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Maria+Cookie · Jan 2nd, 2008, 17:08 PM

Hey capuru i read your story and i really hope everything goes ok i really hope you get that

im still praying for you no matter what.

Capuru · Jan 2nd, 2008, 18:53 PM

Not really not around this time I have my hopes up

I hope that it's a good sign. Thanks for the post

Today I've just being feeling hopeful I'm waiting till the 9th and it's hard not to test

but I just have a 1ww to go whoopi...

as if 1dw isn't hard enough lol actually I think the 1dw is the hardest because it's so close yet so far

lol I don't feel any different no type of symptoms that might indicate anything except for what happened after

right now all I can say is, I Hope his buddys swam for the goal!!

Whoot!

Come on

(tmi) This past month I have to say we did work for the goal

You would think that

every 2-3 days for 1-3 days in a row would get old but I don't get tired of it. I have read about a lot of people trying the every 2-3 day method and they feel tired and their

life kinda feels mechanical after a while but if you just do it for fun when you're not O that helps I don't chart I just have an Idea of when I O because I charted before so this month I just Bded for fun and just in case I'm not accurate

and when I got close to what might be O day then we took it to the next level yeea

lol

Wish me lots of

baby dust for the 9th

I know I send lots to you guys

here's some extra just in case, you can never have to much baby dust unless more means twins oooh

Capuru · Jan 3rd, 2008, 18:58 PM

Hello today,
At this point I am thinking this our month but sometimes I don't think it is

because It's happened before where I get all worked up thinking this is it then when the day comes it's a

and I get so sad

My sister has been giving me a lot of support

she also joined BnB on the same day as me and this is actually the best thing I've done since TTC

I can't wait to wake up and write and see how everyone is doing with their journey. It really does help it relieves stress I have somewhere to go and talk and be understood so it's not all bottled up inside.

I have decided to

on the 5th with one of the hpt's that let you know sooner, I hope it works if it's a

I'm gonna wait a few days if AF doesn't show then I'm gonna retest and hope for that

Last night I had really bad sharp pains on the side only when I was up and walking though if I sat down it didn't hurt or nothing I'm praying it's nothing bad

I will be on later to write some more weee

lol

polo_princess · Jan 3rd, 2008, 19:20 PM

Best of luck to you hunni i hope all turns out well for you

Samo · Jan 3rd, 2008, 19:32 PM

good luck on the 9th (or earlier if you still plan to do that)!!

Capuru · Jan 4th, 2008, 00:55 AM

I've been on here all day I've had a few things happening so far that are making me very very hopeful.

First I haven't been charting my cycles but I am daily taking temps I have to admit I am a temp freak

lol currently my temps are up to 98.0-98.6 good sign. Yesterday and right now I was having cramps I'm praying it's not that ugly aunt flow on her way

my sis is pregnant and her temps are in the 98's too. OMG!!

I've been praying soo hard and I don't know how to express my self right now I'm just blah blah blah

I've been writing to let it all out cause I don't know what else to do I can't

yet if anyone can give me advice I will most gladly take it

oh and also I was getting little sensations on the sides of my bb's I know that happens later on in pregnancy but that's what I feel and maybe it's nothing but when you're ttc everything's a sign lol

thanks for reading

Capuru · Jan 5th, 2008, 04:14 AM

Hi

so I tested early and of course it was a

I was very very sad I was really hoping it would be a bfp

but all I can do is hope AF don't show up and if she doesn't then test again

. If it's still a bfn then I will be charting.

I really do pray this is my year, I tried not to show that I was upset because that makes Ant upset and I feel like I shouldn't be worrying him we still have plenty of years to try I just wish it was this year.

We don't have money to go to the expensive infertility checkups which really sucks cause that means I can't see what's wrong. I've been to the doctor before and everything is ok, last time they said I was a little anemic so I don't know if that could have anything to do with it, if anyone can tell me if this can affect my chances please let me know. On the other hand he's never been to check up with a doctor and I know it's because of him being scared of the results but lets hope we don't have to go towards that.

Please wish me lots of baby dust I still have a chance for this month my temps are still high and I am still having cramps and I'm trying not to stress it cause stress can be bad

Baby dust for all who are still hoping for this month to be it

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