SwissMiss

Hi Trixie!
Just catching up... So sorry to hear you're feeling so low - believe me, I hear you... Frustrated and gutted are my middle names these days... I even had the dream and lost it, can you imagine!?!??! aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh! Our day will come, hon, and we will love and cherish our babies all the more for the struggles we've been thru to conceive.
Sending you loads of and sticky for the next cycle!!!
x

TrixieLox

Thanks gals - and Wendy, your post made me nearly cry, esp. the stuff about the dream that you lost.

Well, here it is, the wonder that is - CYCLE DAY ONE. But you know what, I feel OK today. Optimistic. Like April WILL BE THE MONTH. Summat in my gut tells me. And to make me feel like April could-be-THE-month even more - the hubby and I are going on a romantical break to Stratford upon Avon in 2 weeks, the very same town we visited on our first weekend away together. Combined with the fact that it's also home to Shakespeare and we're seeing a Shakespeare play (much to OH's chagrin!) - well, I'm a bit literary mad and a writer to boot (tho you wouldn't guess it from my grammatically incorrect ramblings on here), so I feel like maybe it's fate that we might conceive on our weekend away - which falls on CD11 and 12, a good ol' time to conceive, methinks.

I also had a dream last night, just when I probably got my full on AF, marking the start of this cycle - I dreamt me and the hubby were carrying a beautiful little girl with the same coloured hair as the hubby's, walking by a rocky stream and showing her lots of fish. Strange but maybe means something for this cycle?

So yeh, this is it, this is the cycle, I WILL succeed. Am gonna look after myself more too - eat well, get outdoors more, get on my bike. And also make sure we BD around CD 15-18 too. O, and really get to grips with OPKs this cycle, no messing. Make sure I hold in my pee and everything, all for POAS!!!!

So thanks gals, will keep ya'll posted. x

Tishimouse

Hi Trixie,

I know how you feel as I came off BCP last October and this will be our 5th month trying with nothing to show for our efforts but some very pretty FF charts (mexican wave); a fancy state of the art Clearblue Fertility monitor which I think I'll be donating to the local museum by the time it does it's job and both of us are getting fatter by the minute. Well, not really fat, but we have both gained weight that we are not happy about. I tend to eat when I get stressed and ttc has taken it's toll on me regarding this bad habit.

I've even thought that if AF comes for me the day after tomorrow, I will console myself with the fact that it will give me a chance to loose the extra 7 - 9 lbs that I don't want. Now that's what I call sad.

If you don't laugh about it, then you'd drive yourself insane. That's my outlook anyway. It's worth standing back and looking at yourself and your obsession and just doing something to make yourself feel good again. My starting point has been very simple, as I'm just increasing my intake of plain old water every day and eating more fruit instead of sweet stuff.

Hope you're feeling better soon and wishing you good luck and lots of for this cycle.

TrixieLox

Thanks for your (as ever) fab and useful and very kind words, Tish. I'm too not overweight or anything, just over the weight I'd prefer to be. And the stress of TTCing is making me eat more, so we're in the same boat, hey? But I like your thought about making myself feel good again. So not see eating healthily etc as a chore, but more about being kind and good to myself. Anyway, everything's crossed for a BFP for you this cycle! x

PS. Have my usual AF sore bbs but was really trying to remember how that soreness feels cos the next time I feel it will be a few days after OVing if I get PG so hopefully, in about 2 and half / 3 weeks, I'll be on here saying 'urm, gals, my bbs are mega sore!'. x

miel

i think April is a perfect month to conceive it's spring after all everything grow and is born again and life take a fresh start
it will be your month i am sure you too tish!

tansey

HI, you've got a great journal! I feel the same as you about April - this WILL be the month! I also would like to lose 7lb and say every month i'm going do it. The only exercise i seem to be getting is BDing - which isn't a bad thing!

Sorry got you! She got me yesterday! But i'm hoping you and I may bring each other luck as you are going to Stratford-U-A and just reading about you going there has cheered me up! Me and other half used to live there and I loved it and would really like to move back one day (moved as OH got a promotion). It's a special place for both of us. Will you be there when you OV? OMG maybe i need to go there when I OV could be magic (sorry if i sound a bit mad), must go speak to OH about my idea!

Good luck and loadsa

TrixieLox

Hi hon, that nasty witch - she's really enjoying herself this month. But yeh, April is THE month - hope it is for you too! I love Straford-U-A (nice way of putting it!) and have been a few times, would love to live there too! I'm not sure when I OV (hence why I'll be really trying to use OV sticks this month though am rubbish, always forget to hold my wee in!) but usually get the right CM around CD 10 onwards so reckon I'll certainly be fertile around them. Really really hope that it's a special weekend in more ways than one! You should go, I hear a crazy rumour the weather's gonna improve next week - in fact, I remember early April being real nice the past 2 weeks, so who knows huh? xx

TrixieLox

Am lovin' the spring symbolism Miel - the cycle of life; rebirth; nada nada! Yeh, it's gotta be right, hey? If millions of sheep can have ickle lambs in spring, goddamit I can too!!! x

miel

of course you can...look at you beautiful !

TrixieLox

CD2 - AF stopped completely. Lasted 1 and a bit days. BBs really sore, like realllllllllllllllly sore. 2% of me thinks 'hey, could I still be PG' but the more logical 98% realises that I did have proper 'red' bleeding for a day and a bit plus cramps so can no way be PG. I just think it's my nutso system playing wacko with me again. *Sigh* just want a normal cycle, like I used to get. What's wrong with me?! Anyway, feeling more positive with each day, been meditating, been eating well (nuts, fruit, veg etc), biked into work yesterday (not today due to rain, rain, rain) and feeling especially good after watching Becks running around during the England friendly this evening, hubba hubba!!! x