So!

I guess I'll keep this so I at least know where I am at

Saturday 13th Oct started bleeding - one week too early for period.
Tuesday 16th Oct stopped taking mini-pill

So.

I am 37 and trying for my first. I was with someone from 1995 until late last year when I ended the relationship to be with someone else. I lived with the ex for 10 months while trying to work out what to do. Eventually we put the house on the market, sold and I bought a new house nearer my friends and work and near the new man. I moved in September and the last six weeks new man has been gradually moving in. He has his own flat but plans to rent it out.

After being in such a difficult relationship for so long I've found it quite hard to ajust to being with someone who loves me and who wants a family, but we're on our way now and we are both keen to have a family. He is 6 years younger than me and we've moved our relationship on quite quickly so I have been full of anxiety about how it may look to others , specially his family, but his brother says he hasn't seen him look so happy in years. For the first time in my life I feel like I want marriage, family, the whole works.

Our friendship started through an internet forum, though we lived near eachother, but it wasn't until a close friend of ours told me that new man really liked me that our relationship moved onto the next stage. Within days I had broken up with my partner and started making plans for a happier future. Most of our freinds and family (well mine!) were completely gobsmacked as they had no idea we had grown so close.

This last year has been one of the toughest I have ever had but also one of the most loving. Because we knew eachother as frineds for about a year before we got together he knew I wanted kids and a happier life, and now I finally feel like I have one.

next step - babies

A sprinkle of for your TTC journey.

So - I think this is day 22 of my cycle and my cycle is usually 25/26 days long.

I am starting to think, like most women TTC I guess, that I am pregnant.

Reasons why?

Very tired
Metalic taste in mouth
Just a very strange cramping feeling in my lower abdomen

There are things I haven't had though. My breasts are not painful apart from the occassional stab but I am assuming this could be PMT. They do seem bigger though. Thing is I put on a bit of weight recently, nothing major, infact I was quite underweight after splitting with the ex so I am glad. Anyway, I am assuming my breasts are bigger because of this and not because of any pregnancy.

we will see.

I am not sure what i will do if I am, should I even tell the Boyfriend or should I wait until I am absolutely certain?

So... went to see my mum last night. We chatted about this and that, and then I told her that we were thinking of trying. Within 30 seconds she had managed to get it all out of me. That we're not just thinking of trying, but that I came off the pill middle of last month. Her response 'so you may have some news for me soon then'. Ha ha.

She went on to tell me about how fertile she was (well she did have 3 kids in 5 years!) and how her mum had her at 43 and how her mums mum had 13 healthy children! So if genes play a part I think I'm ok, despite being 37!

Today I have had some feelings of queazyness but I really don't know if they are strong enough for me to actually believe I might be. This Saturday will be 4 weeks since the start of my last period, my cycle is atound 26 days long.

It's funny, because when we started talking about trying we both agreed that if I could go to Glastonbury festival next year I'd like to, but now it seems if I get pregnant straight away I will be over 8 months pregnant by the end of next june and I really wouldn't want to be waddling about in mud or in really hot weather (come on! we're owed a good year) ... so I may have some decision making to do - and so may he!

Last night had a very disturbed sleep. Am convinced I am pregnant and I am going to test tonight (Could this be the shortest ever TTC Journal?). I started worrying too much about everything. Would my boyfriend's mother hate me, would his friends hate me? would they all think I had trapped him?

we have been living together 2 months but together a year. it's been a difficult year but we both want a family and now that we can be together we came to the decision together about getting pregnant. I shouldn't worry so much. i am 37 going on 16.

Beanz if you and your OH are happy thats the main thing...try not to worry about other people too much...life is too short! Good luck! *baby dust*!

So - did a test on friday night and it failed (Clearblue digital) so we rushed out to get another and a bottle of champagne, saying that we'd drink it whatever the result. We waited sitting on the side of the bath hand in hand, it was very intense. and tehn 'not pregnant' ... I immediately felt silly for being so convinced, we decided not to drink the champagne and the rest of the night was a bit strange. I was kicking myself for being so silly, for thinking that it would only take one try.

So now I am sitting here waiting and waiting for my period. It was due this weekend and still no show. That's 30 days when my normal periods are every 26. It's weird. I will test again if it doesn't come by Wednesday but I don't think I'll be doing that intense sitting and waiting with my boyfriend when I do.