TTC Journals

Whirlygirl · Oct 5th, 2007, 15:46 PM

This is my attempt to keep a TTC journal and I think it might help me as I go along to look back and reflect.

A little bit of background about me:

I am 35 years old and have been married for 3 years. I was married before but my ex-husband was a bit of a monster and the marriage only lasted 18 months. It wasn't ever really destined for success. I met him shortly after finishing University and after 3 weeks of dating we ended up sleeping together in a moment of drunken passion. A moment of unprotected passion, I add and 9 months later my darling son was born.

We decided to get married and try and make a go of things and when my son was 2 yrs old we decided to try and have another baby. I got pregnant quickly but had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It was awful. I was so devastated.

Then I had another miscarriage. My husband was not there for me, and dealt with it by going to the pub every day and night and having an affair with my cousin who at the time was also my best friend.

I couldn't cope and left. I took my son and we moved into my late Grandmother's home which was situated on a very rough council estate. There were drive-by shootings at night and I would get home from work and lock the doors and not go out. On top of this, my ex harassed me day and night, waking me up at 3am with repeated calls and texts, threatening me and intimidating me. On one occasion he tried to run me and my son off the road in his car.

I moved house to get away, taking in a lodger from work as I couldn't afford the rent on my own. My ex used this as an excuse to stop paying maintenance claiming I was co-habiting, and I fell into debt. i was hammered with bank charges and couldn't get straight. On top of this, I had an accident and broke my back and was off work and just got further and further into debt.

I decided that I had to get in control of my life and took my ex to court. I had no money for a Solicitor so I represented myself. It was terrifying. he had a whole legal team and there was me on my own. I wanted to run away but I knew I had to do it for me and my son. I won my case and the court said he had to pay back all the arrears to me.

That was the start of me getting back on my feet. I paid back all my debts and got a better job. I met a lovely man and after a while he moved in with us.

My son loved him and it was clear that he was a great source of emotional stability for both me and my son and I fell deeply in love.

We married in 2004 and tried for a baby straight away. We got pregnant on the second month TTC but an early 'reassurance scan' showed that the baby's heart had stopped beating and we miscarried at 9 weeks.

It has taken me over 2 years to really get over it enough to want to start trying again, but here I am!

I have researched as much as i can about miscarriage and I'm doing all I can to eliminate the risk factors I can control.

I'm currently on my second month TTC and in the two-week wait at 9dpo today.

So here's fingers crossed.

Whirlygirl · Oct 5th, 2007, 17:23 PM

I had some spotting this month at 6dpo - like a pinkish CM. I had a dip in temp 2 days ago and it is currently the highest it's been at 36.76.

Did a HPT yesterday (10 miu internet cheapies) and they have both been negative.

Feel like this isn't going to be my month, but I realise I've not been trying for very long, so won't get too disheartened.

I do feel very broody though and love watching that new series "Bringing Up Baby" coz I love seeing babies!

Vickie · Oct 5th, 2007, 18:31 PM

I just want to say that your story is an inspiration to women everywhere.

Sending baby dust to you, I hope you get your BFP soon!

Whirlygirl · Oct 6th, 2007, 08:23 AM

Thanks Vickie - that means a lot to me x

Whirlygirl · Oct 6th, 2007, 08:30 AM

Woke up and took my temps - still high at 36.72 - It had started to fall at this point last month, so I skipped out of bed and dug out my HPT internet cheapies. Quite clearly a BFN regardless of how much I squinted, tilted it and held it under the light. Grrrrrrr!!

Honestly, what more can I do? I've BD at the right time, eaten the right things, taken supplements, use pre-seed, lay with a pillow under my bum, orgasmed at the right time, clad myself in moonstone, rose quartz and carnelian, paid for a fertility spell off Ebay, used OPKs and charted my temps....

I know I'm not fully out of the game yet for this month but it's not looking very hopeful at the moment...

is due on Tuesday... Stay back witch, stay back!!!!!!

poppy · Oct 6th, 2007, 10:03 AM

Whirley Girl,

I echo what Vickie said, you seem really strong and have been through so much. Stay positive about the tests you have done so far - lots of people only get their BFPs after their period is due. In fact, even the Clearblue early result ones say that four days before AF, there is a greatly reduced percentage chance of BFP. So, you could still get your BFP this month.

The dip in temperature and then rise again does seem a positive sign.

Good luck, you deserve it.

suzan · Oct 6th, 2007, 16:51 PM

Hi hun,
good luck ths month. I read we have the time cycle this time. Oct 10 is our day. let's hope witch stays away and we get our BFP!

Big hug to you

Whirlygirl · Oct 7th, 2007, 05:32 AM

Well, my temps went up again to 36.75 and when I checked my chart for the same time last cycle they were 36.20 but then I did ovulate earlier last month so not sure what impact that has.

Did another HPT which said BFN but then when read instructions it said to only use from day AF is due - although marketed as early HPT?

Hmmmm.... Think I am just trying to talk myself out of the BFN. LOL!

Think I will leave it now and just test next week if

doesn't find me first!

I sooooooo want that BFP this month

H xx

Whirlygirl · Oct 7th, 2007, 05:35 AM

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/Whirly

Whirlygirl · Oct 8th, 2007, 07:56 AM

Temps dropped today to 36.51 so I think the

is just round the corner waiting to get me!

Had some pink CM again last night.

Bbs have started to hurt now too.

It's sooooo frustrating! Thought we had done everything right this month... what more can I do?

TTC Journals

Whirly's TTC Journal

Trying To Conceive

Whirly's TTC Journal

Doesn't feel like my month

Thank you

10dpo

Temps

Temp drop