TTC Journals

suzan · Oct 23rd, 2007, 06:09 AM

Hi all..

It's been a while!
THings are great! I am not thinking about the whole TTC much these days. I am exercising and having some times off with friends out and about and it's been great.

I had an appointment yesterday with my doc. I just went to drop by and say hi and also ask him several questions. The thing is that in my last cycle I had such ugly cramping that made me even cry! I just couldnt stand up anymore! I told my hubby to help me lay down coz seriously I dont know what was wrong! Around my ovulation time, strong cramp took over me! Also, I had leg pains 3 days before AF was due and it lasted even until 2CD! I never felt that and when I was talking to my mom, she told me that maybe its a good thing to see my doc in case it's a cyst?

Anyway, he did an ultrasound for me. Thank God no cyst was found, but definetly saw some follicles and adivised that I should be about to ovulate in the next two days!

He asked me what kind of things I have been doing to conceive. I told him and asked him about temping. He said that I shouldnt obsess about it and then brought a graph showing how the brain messes with our body and it defenetily affects fertility. I am not hopeful anymore that I will conceive anytime soon. I dont know if I am feeling down about it, but I just believe it will not happen for me soon, not this month, dont know if the next one though.

We have been baby dancing every other day, which I know it's great, we have been enjoying it and it is not like the previous month where I wasnt feeling that great about it. My husband is so romantic and lovely and is really making the whole baby dancing issue be awesome. Baby dancing every other day is not making us feel tired like the previous months where we baby dances everyday! uuuhh!!

I am about to ovulate. Definitely will be great bec we are often baby dancing so I dont know.

I cried when I was at my doc's. I just remembered the ultrasound I had when I was preggo.. ultrasounds actually! two! not one! The one where there was a heartbeat, and the other where there wasn't. U know what I mean right? I wish I can hear a new heartbeat soon with the help of God.

The doc was nice and he told me that we can do a monitoring program where I will be monitored every other day in my most fertil week and in which we will be baby dancing those every other days too. I am not sure what will be the outcome from those monitoring but I surely told my doc that I dont think I wana do that now.. he agreed and said that if I just dont fall preg in the next 3 months then we can do that. I think I will do that if I dont get preg, but three months?!?!

I hope I dont stay that long!

Anyway, it's hard and I bet it's hard for everyone else who are TTC after a loss. You really wana have a baby more than before right? it's a fact. I wish that all the time.

I am just leaving everything with God. And when He thinks it's time, then it will be amazing.

Till then

suzan · Oct 25th, 2007, 10:55 AM

So, everything went fine the other night I had the issue with DH. It did happen and it was a great timing.

I had ovulation pains in my left side yesterday, it wasnt as strong as the previous month, but it was there. I usually feel it in my right side, but this time it was in my left. It was there for a couple of hours and then later in the evening again for a while. I hope it was ovulation pain.

Anyway, I dont really have hopes for this month. I know, I know, it's soon to tell so.. but has anyone felt this way? I just started to sit in the 2WW and I have this feeling. I just feel hopeless and don't think I will see a BFP this month, again.

I really hope to see it, but I am just not thinking positively about it though we timed it correctly and all.

I am just leaving it to God.

Till then...

scotchbonnet · Oct 25th, 2007, 11:07 AM

Good luck Suzan!! I have a very good feeling for you this month!!!

Sorry about your loss - but you will have a pwetty littel angel soon I am sure. Note to self - tell yourself the same scotchbonnet!!

hehehehehehehehe

suzan · Oct 27th, 2007, 19:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scotchbonnet

Good luck Suzan!! I have a very good feeling for you this month!!!

Sorry about your loss - but you will have a pwetty littel angel soon I am sure. Note to self - tell yourself the same scotchbonnet!!

hehehehehehehehe

Same feeling to you!!!!

Seriously, I hope it's "our" month, and I mean it to all of us!!

suzan · Oct 27th, 2007, 19:06 PM

It's been a while since my lost post. But seriously, nothin much has happened... well, maybe a little..

On 3dpo, I was in the toilet, and when I wipped, I kindda saw Brown CM. It was weird, I never had that before. Then I wipped again, and nothin came out again. I am not makin a big deal out of it, but it's something unsual for me.

Since that day, I wont lie, I have been feeling some weird things happening in my lower abdomen, as if some work has been going down there. I felt some cramps, like period cramps too.. I swear it's not my brain doin it bec I am just not thinking about it specially bec I am not that optimistic of it happening this month. It's been weird.. But I don't know.. Maybe it's a trick my brain and body are working on for me!! and they want me to fall for it!! Humm..

Well.. 10 days for testing is left.. Definetly wont test before.. If AF is missed for only one day which is Oct 7th.. I will buy a HPT that day in the evening time and test it in the next morning.

I am planning to make it a surprise for my DH. I bet he will cry if it really happens to be true. I will book a table at a romantic restaurant, and think of a way to show him the HPT.. maybe put it under his chair and make him pick it?

Am kidding.. If I get a BFP, that idea will come by itself.

I am prayiing that I am wrong and see a BFP.

Till then..

suzan · Oct 28th, 2007, 10:47 AM

Today is 5DPO (I know this as I have a static 28CD).. My bbs hurt really bad when I touch them. I didnt feel them that sore last month.. anyway..

I havent felt any other symptom.. hehehe.. it's like I said, this wont be my month again!! and it will be like that until I just dont know when? Until I get brain washed I guess?

and forget everything about my past, present, and others.

Well.. who knows!!!!!! I am even sleeping with my fingers crossed

See you

suzan · Oct 29th, 2007, 07:51 AM

So I am very nervous. There is only 8 days to test

I can barely concentrate at work, I am just affraid!!
Today is 6dpo calculating it agains my 28CDs. I havent had any more symptoms since the cramping I had with addition to leg cramps. That was weird for me bec I was only 4-5dpo and what the heck? leg cramps? I felt as if AF was coming!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I am temping, I haven't before, and maybe will think of temping in the future. I don't know what to think. I dont have any symptom. I remember when I knew I was preg before, I didnt experience any symptom but only when I was like 5 - 6weeks. Before that nothing!!

Please please please God make it happen this month. I really want to be a mother.

It's only 10am where I live. I am at work now, and have loads of things to do. So let's hope I get distracted..!

Let's see how the day goes by. I am going to Starbucks for lucn with my colleague.

Till then...

suzan · Oct 29th, 2007, 18:51 PM

It's still 6dpo.. just wanted to report about some AF-like cramping I had today. It felt like AF was coming... in addition to a light pain I had in my left side of my lower abdomen and some leg pain as well which I usually have before AF.. I had backache as well (Don't know if its something other than the back problem I have).

When hubby came home, I cried and told him how scared I was of seeing AF or a BFN this month. He cuddled me and we talked.

Let's see how the remaining week will be like. Would I see AF prior to its due date?!?!?!?!? :rollingeyes:

I am not officially entering the 1WW!!!!! Argh!!!!!!! :ranting:

suzan · Oct 30th, 2007, 21:09 PM

Today is 7dpo.

Have I thought of doing a test? Hell yes! and it drove me crazy.. but no, I didnt!!

Anyway, I have cried a lot today.. When I was going to work I felt moody and cried in my car. Also, when I was having an afternoon nap, I woke up crying and when dh came to check I told him I wasnt ok bec I saw in my dreams that something happened to my sister. Anyway, I have been really moody and sad these past days.

Cramps? yes.. I have been feeling them as well. I still dont understand why there is a pain in my legs since 3DPO!!!!!! (I have read that it might be that I have low potassium so I had banana but still!) God please I hope its not AF since that day! We will see... I have also been feeling bloated and as if I gained more weight!!!!!!!

So like I said.. I am now officially in the 1WW. My boobs are killing me.. I see blue veins around them (never checked them in details but I read that it migght be a sign? :fingerscrossed:

Other than this there is no update. I dont think I wil buy the HPT at all but only if I miss my period (hope I do)

Well.. we will see what happens!!

See u later!

Pearl · Nov 19th, 2007, 09:38 AM

just read through your journal...i think you should put a lil update being as now ur preg

congratulations

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