I think I have officially gone over the edge. Last night my husband brought home a serum/urine test from his work. I am not due AF until Tues, but I early test. I should have known better, but thinking since it had the word "serum" it meant blood. I am in nursing school; just got excited and didn't think. Anyway, put whole blood (not spun down serum) in which was too thick. Added a few drops of water to thin.....waited....nothing. Later caught DH getting test out of trash and it had turned positive. Since we knew we had altered the test with water, we called the lab where he works. They opened a test, used a definitely negative blood sample and added the water. They did NOT get a positive like we had. So, at 10:30 pm they have me drive to the lab for an blood hCg. Called back and it was a negative. I knew we had altered the test and read the result late...but still a shimmer of hope overshadowed the inevitable. Just the tiny bit of excitement that I got reading a late, altered positive was incredible, but the negative was devastating. I can't sleep, don't want to eat, and am totally losing it. If I keep feeling this way (going crazy) I think I may have to go back on the pill. I never knew that something that was supposed to be exciting and happy would begin to ruin my life.

I know the feeling hun! Stick in there, its not over till the arrives! xx

How disappointing!
how long have you been trying hun? xxx

So sorry to hear, but it is true that you can't assume until the ugly witch shows her face. If she does, at least you can get on to trying again.

This is our 4th cycle...and I know that there are people on here who have tried for much longer. I have a unique situation, which makes it seem longer. I conceived my first 2 children the first month that I tried with my late husband (passed away at 35 unexpectedly/suddenly). I remarried a man who was also widowed. He had stepchildren, but no biological children. He is 37, and he truly loves my children. I want so badly to give him a child of his own. I just thought I'd conceive right away like before with my late husband. My new husband even went and had a spem analysis after the 2nd cycle to make sure his swimmers were good ok and the results were fine. I know that 4 cycles aren't many, but it seems like much longer.

I think we all go a little crazy at times - especially in the last days of the 2ww. If you already have children then at least you know you are able.

Believe it or not I am one of 8 children and 2 of my sisters are currently pregnant - both got pregnant first time of trying. I had it in my head that my family were obviously really fertile and it would be easy for me. I am now on cycle 9! So I know a little of what you feel although the situation is different.
I have heard so many stories on here and on other forums about women who got pregnant really easily the first time and then can't understand what is happening when they don't get pregnant so you are definitely not alone.

In my experience it is a complete roller coaster and 1 minute you feel like giving up the whole thing because it is too difficult and then a couple of days later you feel stronger and more positive!

Sorry for the essay - hope you get your soon. It ain't over until the witch rears her ugly head! good luck!

Also wanted to say - I don't think it really matters how long you have been trying that is always awful to see! xxxx

Sprat: I agree...the few days leading up to AF are horrible...between the thinking and wondering, hope and doubt, and crazy hormones, it's a wonder any of us survive it..LOL!

I've felt crazy for years. You are not alone...and not crazy. Just a woman on a mission. Hope you get there soon.