Hi. I've just joined the forum. You'll have to excuse me as I don't know all the abbreviations (if someone wants to give me a quick lesson that would be great).

My hubby and I just decided to start trying about a week before Christmas. We decided to not tell anyone to keep the pressure off but I really feel like I need to talk about it.

I was raised to believe getting pregnant would be the end of my life. I was routinely told as a teenager if I got pregnant that I needn't bother coming home. My parents were impossible to please so I've been stuck trying to excell to impress them. I convinced myself kids were not for me (in part for fear of being like my parents) and designed my life away from them. I'd get clucky very occasionally but it would pass. I was sure they would ruin my life and my career and chain me down, (my mother has told me having kids ruined her marriage and her life). It got so bad I thought I'd end up forcing myself to get pregnant as I had come round to having a family with my husband but just couldn't find a maternal instinct anywhere and I was running out of time!

Then suddenly after going to the cinema one night I got very clucky. I warned my hubby and instructed him to talk me out of it, but he couldn't find a good reason why we shouldn't. After a bit of researching childcare and work implications (all in one evening), we decided to start trying!

The first couple of days I kept panicking and was really tearful. I knew my family would say all the wrong things and I think I'm still nervous of being made to feel bad about having a baby (recession, career, not reaching potential, not willing to haul self and baby across Atlantic to see family, etc).

I'm 33, married for a little over a year, been with hubby for 3 1/2 years.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to get pregnant. After years of being so careful and friends and family getting pregnant by accident all over the place I'll somehow get punished for trying to do it right.

How can I settle myself and just enjoy trying without all this fear? Did anyone else have to come round to the idea or am I just a wee bit nuts?

Sorry for such a long post but I'm fit to burst with baby talk!!

Hi sweetheart and welcome to b&b!!

This is the best place on the web and i have made actual friends on here. But the best thing is to have a place where you can ask, talk, vent and rant! lol!!without anyone judging you for it. And it keeps things a bit better at home as most guys dont really wanna know the ins and outs of ttc, whilst you really have to be clued up to get pg, you know?

Most people get pg within a year. Having said that...once you've spent a lifetime, like most of us avoiding getting pg, it is a bit of a shock to realise that getting pg isnt as easy as you've been led to believe- damn! But, again, most people get pg withing a year..and it make take two months or 10 for you to conceive. Whatever you do though...keep the faith and try to be rational..it can be a bit of a slog sometimes...but its all worth it!!

I hope you will be lucky very soon and then you wouldnt need my advice, lol, but in the meantime..have fun!!!

Btw(by the way) abbreviations are listed at the top of the opening page of b&b..

All the best chicken,
Omi xxx

I'm in a similar position to you with regards to the parents and the 'don't you do what I did and have babies so young and ruin your life' thing. It has totally dominated my life to the point where I'm not a very girly girl and totally avoided anything to do with babies, but finally having met the right man have I realised I do actually want children!

Good luck!

Do not listen to your parents - I could understand if you were 16 and they were warning you against a teen pregnancy (fair enough) but you are old enough to do what you feel is right, you are married and having a child is a natural thing to do if that is what you both want.

I know what you mean re not knowing if there will be problems - well unless you have a medical condition that you already know that you have a problem you will only know when you have been trying for a while.

Good luck on your journey xx

i think the way you were bought up does make a difference in the way you see ttc or having babies but i have worked out that you make things the way you want them to be an in the end if they truely love you and want you to be happy they will be but you have to please you befor any one else cause you have to live your life no one else. an you never know what'll happen til you try but we will all be here for you through it all take care honey

As much as we sometimes wish it didn't, the opinions and influence of our families is strong on both our thoughts and our emotions. The good part is that you realize that...identifying challenges is half the battle! You are a grown woman now and no one knows you or what you want or what will make you happy more than you -- not even your mother!! So keep you and your husband at the center of all your thougths and efforts, and only include family at the next layer. Be strong and clear about how you feel. Hopefully it won't be as difficult as you fear it might....sometimes we make things out to be a lot worse in our heads. But no matter what happens, with the family or with ttc, you will find a lot of support here!!