The Middle Wife
by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I
have
two kids myself, But the best birth story I know is
the
one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years
back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always
have a few sessions with my students. It helps them
get over
shyness and usually,
Show-and-tell is pretty tame Kids bring in pet
turtles, model
Airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like
that. and I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to
school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up
to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under
her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is
Luke ,
my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about
his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their
love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,
and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through
an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,
and
I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my
camcorder with me. The
kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
saying
and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand
behind her back and
groans.
'She walked Around the house for, like an hour,
'Oh, oh, oh!' Now
this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers
babies,
but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They
got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' Then
Erica lies down with
her back against the wall.
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she
kept
in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up
and spilled
all over the bed,
Like psshhheew!' This kid has her legs spread with
her
little hands miming water flowing away. It was too
much!
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push,
push,' and
'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but
never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was
covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from
Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys
inside there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and
returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then,
when
it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just
in case
another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
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