TrixieLox

As some of u know, a month ago, hubby and I decided to carry on TTCing - the reason this was a big decison was cos if will potentially mean we'd miss my bro's wedding abroad next June (cos I could be heavily pregnant by then if preggo by Dec).

Now my bro and SIL-to-be are basically pretty annoyed and don't understand why we've decided to carry on trying and therefore miss their wedding. They say a 5-month break is no big deal and we should chill out about TTCing. My bro sent me a funny email yesterday about it and I just came back from a heated discussion with SIL-to-be and she's particularly upset cos I'm her closest friend apparently and she's upset cos she won't have a girly friend there (my answer being, don't choose to get married abroad then!).

I am now feeling all guilty and wondering whether it would do us good to have a break. I'm also feeling bad cos we did say a few months ago that we'd deffo stop trying to ensure we were at their wedding and were still saying this up until we made our decision.We've basically handled it badly.

I can't stop thinking about this. Hubby said we shouldn't have to justify our decison - but then it is my BROTHER'S WEDDING so mebbe we are evil horrid things? If I get a BFP, I guess I won't care about all of this but it's really playing on my mind, which is sad cos shud be happy with holybops soon .... I wish they wouldn't make us feel so guilty, I'm sure I wouldn't do this if it were the other way around.

x

dizzy65

aww that sucks... Do what makes u happy.. If u want to TTC than continue doing it and you shouldnt feel guilty over that decision same as if you wanted to go to the wedding... No matter what you choose i am sure they will support u in that decision! that sounds not good at all......

Faerie

It's kind of a pain that they know about you TTCing so you can't just announce "sorry I got pregnant". Anyway, that's not the point. I don't know your story, how long have you been trying?
We had to make a similar decision, only it was for a friend's wedding rather than relative. They're getting married in Ottawa in August, we did tell them we were going but we only just bought the tickets when we didn't get a BFP again this month, and then we'll start trying again at the end of August. Any chance you could hold off your definite definite decision until then?
To be honest, we've been trying for 2 years and had 3 mcs and one ectopic and if I had got pregnant it would just be a case of "I love you but.."

Schmelly

I don't want to criticise your bro, who you obviously love dearly to even consider putting ttc on hold, but I think he is being unreasonable.

You should not have to put your life plans on hold just because he has decided to get married abroad. If your presence was as important as he says, then THEY should make the sacrifice and NOT get married abroad. I'm sure you don't want to fall out with them, so I sympathise with the very difficult situation you're in. But why should you sacrifice your dream for theirs?

I think maybe you should write your bro/sil a letter telling them how important ttc is for you and how difficult this decision has been for you. Spell it out for them because it sounds like they have blinkers on and are only able to view things from the point of view of their wedding. I'm sure, if you have the good relationship with them that you seem to have, they will understand. Tell them how much you want to be at their wedding, but that ttc is just too important to you........or something. If you can bare to share all your emotions it may help them to understand.

You are not expecting them to change their dream so that you can be there. They do not have the right to expect you to change yours.

Good luck

saraendepity

jeez sounds like u r really worked up about this
follow your heart. live your life for you not someone else. if you decide to carry on ttc then explain to your bro n sil how much a wee one means to you and if you end up missing their wedding you will have to have another knees up (with alco free fizz of course) when they return from wedding..........good excuse for another party!!!!!!

hope this helps

xxxxx

saraendepity

i second shmelly

Faerie

I also agree with Schmelly, and can I just say that I planned my wedding abroad (well, we do actually live abroad) and I would never ever have expected anyone else to put their lives on hold or hold it against them if they didn't come. We got married in Switzerland in March and in July we're having a party in the UK for those who couldn't make it. We were meant to get married in Mexico this coming December (DH is half Mexican) but didn't want to put our TTC plans on hold.

TrixieLox

Thanks gals. Faerie, we haven't ruled out going - we still might be able to go if I don't get preggo in the next 5 months (cos can travel in first and second trimester).

They do know how we feel and why we've made this decision - we've already explained it to them. But they're still annoyed with us.

I just wish they'd be more understanding. x

porkpie1981

i remeber speakng to u b4 about this. I would say KEEP TTC(thats only may opinion tho) . I say this as we all think that having a baby is easy. I had no probs getting preggers and thought i never would until i had my mc, I think its a gift for u if u get a and a gift if u make full term and had the baby. So saying that since u want a baby i would keep trying as it could in reality take months or yrs to have a baby.
Does ur brother and his finance have kids? If not then mybe they havebt thought about ttc yet and dont know the heartbreak it can sometimes involve. I know people that have put it for and they have been trying for ages and its so heartbeaking. Then again saying that u could get a 1st try

KatienSam

You have to look after your own dreams and ambitions before considering other peoples. Turn the situation around would you be like this if your brother/sister couldnt come to your wedding because they were expecting????

If it makes them happy tell them your not TTC and when it happens just say 'oops'.

I think they are being quite unreasonable.

I hope it all works out for you, do what will make you happy!!!!

xxx