rachelle1975

Ah Trix they are bang out of order for giving you so much grief. Only people who haven't been TTC for a while would be so thoughtless!

You aren't bang out of order and at the end of the day, you could get your BFP this month and be able to take the bubba with you. Nobody knows what life is going to throw at them and it's too short to make decisions for other people.

SIL is equally crappy to be giving you grief - it's not her place and i bet you they will be TTC after they get wed. I wonder how she would like to be told to put her dreams on hold for half a year?

Maybe tell them this is your dream and your hope. You don't need to chill because you aren't stressing about TTC but you aren't going to put it on hold because you don't know what life will throw at you?

It's a hard situation especially for you as you have been trying to also for them as they want their big day to be perfect and as they've dreamt about it. I guess they just don't understand the whole baby business yet.

Chin up chuck

Farie

Same as what she said

tho as I know it's hard feeling like your actions could potentially upset others, but this is your life, your chance at a little one and anyone who said a 5 month break is 'not a lot' is
a) Incredibly insensitive (sorry even if he is you brother) but it is obvious that TTC means a lot to you
b) Never known what its like to feel the months sliding by accompanied by nothing but 5 months can feel like an eternity

Emmylou27

I really feel for you - am in a similar position in that it's my sister's wedding next July and I'm bridesmaid!

When DH and I decided to begin TTC in April I thought I'd try for a few months then stop so it didn't interfere with my sister's wedding - guess I thought I'd get my BFP straight away too!

Anyway, a couple of months on and I was talking to a friend at work about it, saying that my sister would be angry if I got pregnant and was either due or heavily pg too close to her big day. This friend gave me a really good piece of advice and told me that if we've made this decision to have a baby then we can't put our plans on hold for anyone. She pointed out that if we did then my sister would probably announce she was pregnant and I'd end up really resenting her.

Presume your brother hasn't been though all this trying to have a baby then? I know it's his big day but whilst it would be great for you to be there, it's one day and we're talking about the rest of your life here. My BIL and SIL couldn't make it to our wedding last year as they conceived unexpectedly which meant our nephew was born about 6 weeks before the wedding - they live abroad so there was no way they were going to travel over with a baby that young. We missed them, we called them but we still had a fantastic day and your brother will too.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say with all this is first of all lots of as it feels horrible but secondly, you mustn't put your plans on hold for this - your brother will come round and it's not fair of him to make you feel so guilty.

tansey

Babe, they are going to look back on this and feel so guilty! They have no idea what you are going through and how tough your decision is.
Tell them you are not pg yet and so there's no need for these discussions. When your are, you can all sit down and talk about it and see what can be done.
You don't need this negativity AND you don't need them to be gutted if you do get pg and can't go.

hayz1981

Hey Trix, I think everyone else has pretty much summed up what I would say. As others have said, they wont be putting their dream on hold for you, so you shouldnt put yours on hold for them. If you choose to get married abroad, you are taking the chance you wont have everyone there for whatever reason. And yes you said you would stop trying, but you're allowed to change your mind. It all seemed a long way off when you said that, but now you have to follow your heart. Don't let anyone make you feel bad - Put you and your hubby first.

This could all be a big fuss about nothing. With any luck you'll get pregnant this cycle and be able to take a gorgeous little baby to the wedding with you.

xx

Twist

I felt I needed to respond to this as my DH and I just got married abroad and had to deal with the whole "not everyone will be able to come" thing. Basically we knew from the start that not everyone would be able to make it (and honestly we were counting on it as we wanted a small wedding), but I was hoping that my family could all be there. In the end it turned out that my little sister couldn't come as she had just became a foster parent and was given a new born baby a month before the wedding. I was sad that she couldn't be there because I felt like she was being left out of a big event that the rest of my family was involved in and she is very close to me. But I completely understood that, although the wedding was the BIGGEST thing going on in MY life, it didn't mean that it was or should be the biggest thing in hers. She was becoming a mother (in a way) and fostering children is something she has wanted to do since we were young. This event, getting a child, was the Biggest thing in the world to her and I had to respect that. I think that when people get married they think that everyone spends as much energy as them thinking about the big day, but the reality is, they all have lifes of there own that are going on regardless of the wedding and in fact are mre important.
I think you should in no way feel bad about not waiting to TTC, after all this is YOUR life and this is a HUGE plan, and as we all know, making a baby joesn't always just happen. I would explain to your brother and SIL that you are going to continue to try because it is important to you and you are trying to start a family and that is where your priorities have to be right now, but if you are not pregnant by then, then of course you would love to be a part of the wedding!!

Like you said, it was there idea to get married abroad and they have to respect that everyone can't just put their own lifes on hold. Even if you initialy said you could come (as my sister told me) Life changes, priorities change, you in NO way should feel guilty about that.

And don't worry too much, sure she may be upset now, but maybe you can help her with the preparations for the wedding if you can't be there in person on the day. Once the wedding is over everyones sanity will come back and hopefully there will not be any grudges

trickysgurl

No u shouldnt be made to feel bad for wanting a lil joy in ur life!!!

Nic

I've told you my feelings on this before hun. They are being entirely unreasonable. Trust your own instincts, and follow the strongest one.