im so flipping depressed!! everywhere i turn there are babies. im watching law n order n a baby just got abondoned. dont they know some ppl would KILL for a baby? and ppl just leave theirs lying around, like keys.
u all kno i was 5 days late this cycle, and since im never late i spent all 5 mornings lying in bed imagining the little 5wk old bean making my lower tummy bloat, and me so sleepy. then, monday morning i woke up feeling unusually wet and ran to the bathroom almost in tears, screaming in my head 'NO dammit, NO!' but yep, there she was,
in all her bright red glory. its wednesday now, and i told OH, he was supposed to come see me today, but his work schedules nuts and his car broke down last week.
i just miss him
when i had the miscarraige in february, i was about 7wks preg, with twins of all things. i was trying to suprise OH and wait until our anniversary in march, but arguing and stress made us break up two wks b4. and that triggered the MC. i was so mad and crushed, i didnt tell him til 2 wks after i mc'd.
i was so excited this time.....
but now it feels like im going thru it alone all over again. i miss him, and he cried when i told him monday, but i dont think (as a man) he understands just how much this hurts. to get ur hopes up so much....and wake up with that DAMN
...
i just wanna cry, i just want him to understand that this kils me
TTC is a hard business ...
, at least im READY for this, and WANT this.....
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