jonnanne3

This has nothing to do with TTC but you are all what I consider my friends and I need to vent!
I just got a letter from Child Support Enforcement saying that my oldest childs father has severe health problems. My oldest is 19 and getting ready to graduate and he hasn't helped much. Maybe total of 1 year of her life. He was court ordered to pay child support in the amount of $42.72 per week for one child! How hard is that? Well he is $28,000.00 behind in child support!!!!! Well the DCSE told me that if he is disabled and gets a monthly disability check, his arrearages are wiped clean and he owe NOTHING!!!!!!!!
I am soooooo pissed!!!!!!!! Not that I need the money, but I have raised her all these years alone, without him! He should be responsible!!!!
I shouldn't be like this considering I have raised a beautiful 19 yeard old child and she is successful. She is on the honor roll in school and has been for most of her schooling. I am very proud of her and for the past 8 years, my husband has been her dad. He loves her and treats he like his own.
I guess the reason I am so mad is because he got away scott free! I had her at 16. He was 26. I choose her life over mine and it was my choice, but he knew about her and he continued to do nothing!!!!!
Please tell me what you think.......
Sorry this isn't a TTC story, but I just need some support...
Thank you ,

Anne

ANYA

Hi Anne,

I don't have kids but I heard what u said and I totally understand your point of view.

Isabella

Hi Anne,

That would really really annoy me too! I think it's the injustice of it all that's so frustrating and feeling like he has not just let you down but your daughter as well. Totally normal to be really angry at him! BUT personally I think that for your own good (and especially if TTC!) you need to try and let go from all he's done wrong as there's nothing you can do about it and getting stressed and angry at him will only hurt YOU.

Really hard, I know, but maybe try and focus on the fact that although he's been no support to either of you (and is totally in the wrong) he did give you a wonderful daughter that you love - and that the sacrifices that you made were for her and not for him.

Hope that helps a bit - sending you a big hug and lots of love xxx

jonnanne3

You are absolutely right on everything you said. I guess because it is so fresh, it just pisses me off and hurts a little too. I am glad I have my beautiful daughter and I am the one (with the help of my family and husband) who molded her into the wonderful person she is!
Thank you!!!!!

Isabella

yeah, hard when it's so fresh - you probably need a bit of time to be angry but then try and let it go once the initial anger has worn off! Easy for me to say over here in rainy London! xxx

jonnanne3

lol I know what you are saying.... After I talk to my husband I will feel better. He is still sleeping. He had a late night! It really just chaps my ass! Thank you so much for your help!
x

superp123

I'm just learning how a$$backwards the childsupport system can be. My nephews will probably never see a penny. It's sad and frustrating at times. I believe in Karma and it is already coming back to your daughters father. Am I right?
So for you, I say take pride in your accomplishment. You've managed so far without him, and you seem to be doing just fine... if not great! You have a healthy, well adjusted teenage girl, who loves you!!! That's a a big thing, and it's his loss... truely. You get to see your rewards everyday, try to remember that.
P

jonnanne3

You are absolutely right there! I just needed a little pick me up and I needed to blow off some steam!!! The system sucks! But like you said, it's a karma thing! His day is here......... Thank you!

elm

He's missed out on all those wonderful experiences and memories that you have with your daughter so he's paid in that way x

Really sorry he hasn't paid child support

jonnanne3

You know, it has nothing to do with the money. It is the principle! You know? I have since found out that he is trying to collect disability for hepititis C! Seriously!!!!!!! WTF????????