Farie

honey.

My dad did the same to me (ie - I can see it from your daughter perspective)

My mum spent my whole childhood reassuring me it was his loss, not mine.
She was right, he never got to see me graduate, get a 1st at Uni or be there when I won big competing my horses.

Your ex didn't get away scot free, he has missed out on the amazing person you created.

APBTlover

Oh wow! I'd be really pissed too!

avistar

This makes no sense to me! Does he live off the disability payments??? They should take % out and give it to you for your daughter. Is there a state guideline regarding HHS and disability payments? I would do some research and maybe hire a lawyer. That just isn't right at all! How can that be whiped clean???? It isn't like filing for bankruptcy is it???

I am sorry you have to deal with this! It makes me mad too!! My X-BIL doesn't pay much for my two nephews and it just makes me sick! My sister supported his a$$ for many years, while he didn't work...and now he basically has nothing to do with them, but calls here and there.

Mervs Mum

Arsehole.

The Child Support Agency here are pants too. My DD's father has been about as much use as yours. He's got away with it for years. When they finally decided to make him pay child support he threatened to kill himself if he had to pay........low......so they backed off. I told them that he was full of crap and they said they had a duty to take it seriously - WTF. So I told THEM that if I didnt get any money then I would kill MYSELF..........they didnt see the irony that they would project him but not me or her.

Through all that crap I have kept telling myself that one day she'll look back at his contributions, emotionally and financially and tell him what a loser he was/is.

Lazy Leo

This is an interesting thread. Like Farie I've been on the other end of the spectrum. My mum was 19 when she had me, left my dad at 21 and was divorced by her 23rd birthday. He was ordered to pay £5 per week at that time and she told him she didn't want his money. So he never paid, and we never missed it. I grew up learning the value of money - and love. At 15 the CSA decided to get involved after we had managed fine for all those years and what a f@ck up that led to. Bloody agencies like that are useless. They hassled my mum for info about him which she didn't have, caused untold stress, finally tracked him down and made an order against him. He duly packed his work so he wouldn't have to pay. At 15 I felt responsible for the stress caused to my mum, devasted that my dad would rather be unemployed than contribute towards my upbringing, and even worse because he has two other children who did / do stay with him and his OH and they must have suffered too.

But, when the time came and I graduated - he wasn't there; I got married and his name wasn't on the invite; he didn't walk me down the aisle; he sat at a normal table like any other guest at the wedding (not the top table) and I have to say I don't think I'll get in touch to let him know when he has a grandchild. I'm sure he'll find out through the grapevine as I'm still in touch with other members of that side of the family.

Sorry, I just realised I totally took over your thread. Sorry.

But I understand where you are coming from and you are completely right to be angry. But your daughter will see him for what he really is.

Farie

Nic - you said what i was trying to ... but much better!

Lazy Leo

I got exactly what you meant Farie and when I re-read my post i didn't think i had put it well at all but I take it you understand my rant completely!
I usually try not to go off on one on other people's threads, but that's one topic that just sets me off big time. I'm neutral towards my dad - he never 'harmed' me in any way, and there are some horrible dads out there doing horrible things to their kids - but he just never seemed to actually care very much? So now the shoe is very much on the other foot.

jonnanne3

Everyone on here has a valid point and great advice! He has misse dout on so many things in her life and he will continue to. She is graduating high school in June and I will send him an announcement, but no invitation. The announcement is just really to rub it in his face! My daughter calls my husband her dad and he will be listed as her dad on the announcement and he will be the one walking her down the aisle when she gets married and he will be the one our grandchildren will call Papa!
My daughter is a great well rounded child. She excels in school and at her job. She is beautiful too!
I guess it just really hurts knowing that I have this miracle and her own blood could give 2 sh*ts about her. I just see how my husband looks at them and it makes me feel so warm and I have so much love and respect for him! He has the BIGGEST heart!! I couldn't have picked a better father for my children if I tried! I am counting my blessings!
I will continue to do all that needs to be done to take care of my daughter but I will also make sure that he will not get away with this! I have found out that if he is a drug addict, then he will not qualify. Well, he won't qualify! I will make sure that they know that! I am not wasting my engery and I will not to continue to stress over it, but I will get it taken care of.
Thank all of you for your support and kind words! You ladies are wonderful!!!!!

wishing4ababy

It is his loss at the end of the day - and you should be proud of yourself for bringing her up into the beautiful person she is.

Isabella

And congrats on your wonderful hubbie! You guys look very cute together in your photo!