Trying To Conceive

APBTlover · Apr 22nd, 2008, 16:58 PM

OK so I already told you guys whats going on this month. So let me give you the whole story so that you can know why I am so bitter about this taking so long.

I was raped when I was 16 by a family friend. I got pregnant,he went to jail for 3 years. My best friend since since I was 8 years old is a guy named Derek. Well he was the first person that I told and he actually talked me in to keeping the baby and having this asshole put in jail. So Derek swore that he would not let me do it alone. I moved in with him when I was 17. He was also 17. We started getting really close an we started Dating when I was about 4 months pregnant. My daughter(Kylie) loves him.She is 4 years old now. To her.....he is daddy.she knows no different and never will. She weighed 7.10 and at 38 1/2 weeks preggo I weighed 115 pounds. The day I got pregnant,I weighed 91 pounds. I am on 4 feet 8 inches tall. No....not a dwarf....just really short.

Now I had a real problem with sex for a while. It made me feel gross. I went to counceling and got a job at an Adult Novelty shop Called Cupid's Closet. It was a really fun job and taught me that sex was ok and that everyone does it. (lol....so if any of you ladies have questions.....I'm your girl)

On August 17,2004 I woke up with a terrible pain in my abdomen. I went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I was terrified. I didn't know that I was pregnant and that I just had a miscarriage. I was taking birth control pills at the time.

I decided to continue taking the pill. We just thought that Kylie would be our only child. I actually never wanted children but Kylie changed that. She is my heart. People say she is my clone. She is EXACTLY like me down to the birth mark on her but and the shape of her ears. Well my birthday is May 3rd and last yea I was pissed because he didn't get me anything. He calls a few days later and said that he wanted to show me a part of my gift. We rode for 4 hours and finially show up at this guy's house. I see he has a bunch of kennels in his yard. It was very nicely set up and very clean. All the dogs looked very well taken care of. But he just told me we couldn't have a puppy because I wasn't home enough for one. So we go to the back and the guy shows me this gorgeous male American Pit Bull Terrier named Sargent. And this beautiful little female named Sweat pea. She was pregnant. And Derek said that he already put a deposit on a pup and that I just had to come and pick on out when they were born. Derek got a better job and called mine and told them that I quit. Dante(my APBT) was born on June 26th. I took him home on August 7th. He fulfilled my need to nurture something. He is 10 months old now and is still my baby boy.

I stopped taking the pill in the beginning of January 2008. We have been trying since then. I am so sick of seeing negative tests. I think that this bleeding is the

and it really upset me last night. I couldn't stop crying and Derek said that it makes him feel bad to see me like that because he has a part in it too. I told him that it makes me feel like less of a woman. The female body is DESIGNED for pregnancy and birth. I had a c-section with Kylie because the dr. said that she would have either died or broken my pelvic bone. That was hard because I wanted a vaginal delivery. And now this. I don't think that my self esteem could be any lower right now.

Derek and I were talking last night and he said that maybe we should quit trying for a few months because it is emotionally draining for both of us and I won't be able to show my dog this summer if I am feeling this way. I just bursted into tears and I said some things to him that I shouldn't have. I told him that I wasn't ready to give up and that maybe its HIS fault. I know that was really harsh but ladies...you KNOW how hard this is. I apologized to him and we talked but he still says we should wait for a few months. I don't want to. I went from not wanting children to wantin one so bad it hurts. How do you deal with the emotional stress?

Ps.....the next time I will be ovulating is May 3rd! YAY for birthday sex!

tansey · Apr 22nd, 2008, 18:05 PM

It sounds like you are a strong person and have a great partner. You have to be strong to go through this process month after month. It is very stressful but you have to remember that it will hapopen one day and it will be worth the wait! (well this is what i tell myself!)
I wish you loadsa luck!

lucy-moo · Apr 22nd, 2008, 18:24 PM

I can't believe how much you've gone through!
Your story actually brought tears to my eyes...
But remember, some women aren't fertile again after being on the pill, for 3 months or so, don't let it make you feel like less of a woman hun, there's so many women on here that are TTC without luck on their side, so you're not alone =]
Good luck with the birthday sex!
Hope it brings baby dust your way =]
x

APBTlover · Apr 22nd, 2008, 19:21 PM

Thanks guys. I just feel like I don't know what is going on with my body sometimes. And now...I am not bleeding. I woke up this morning and nothing. It has been really light since the 18. Well when it first started, I wiped and there was like a clot with pinkish on the paper. And after that it was only there when I wiped. Then it stopped all day sunday then returned yesterday.Stopped for a while yesterday then was back last night. And now nothing. My breasts burn. I smell EVERYTHING. I thought my mom got new perfume but she had just taken a shower. I put my shoes on the wrong feet and cried. I watched a deer on National Geographic give birth and I cried. I had to change my shampoo because the smell makes me sick. I ate a pickle with mustard! I know....gross...but it was delicious...lol.

Trying To Conceive

I'm not ready to give up....we just started

Trying To Conceive Forums

I'm not ready to give up....we just started