boobaby

Hi All. Please excuse me while I have a good ol' rant re my in-laws...well, more specifically my father in-law. He's constantly on our case about us having children. Here's a bit of background first...DH and I have been together for 5 years and we got married in April this year. DH is the eldest of 3 boys. DH is 31, then the middle brother will be 30 in April and the youngest 26. None of the other brothers are married but both are in serious relationships. 30 year old is dating a 38 yr old and 26 yr old is dating a girl of 25. I am 30.
So, pretty much 6 months into our relationship, Father-in-law starts dropping hints to us about "when are we going to get our act together and start giving him grandchildren". We politely laugh this comment off as we hadn't been togther long and had already had the conversation about the fact that in an ideal world it would be nice to be married one day and after that start a family. So, comments keep coming, just little things like "we're keeping pond in the garden for a while, until the grandchildren come along and then we may have to think about filling it in" etc etc. Again, we politely laugh these comments off.
So a few years later, DH proposes and our wedding planning started. Not really relevant to this rant, but in-laws made this process a nightmare! Anyway, we're now married just over 6 months and about 6 weeks ago we decided to TTC. No success yet but it's early days I guess. Anyway, since the wedding the comments and the hints from the father-in-law has been unbearable! And actyually I think quite rude. Keeps looking at me at the dinner table and telling me to "hurry up because the oppotunity might pass me by at my age!!!" etc etc. I just want to scream at him"WE'RE TRYING OKI?!?!?!?!?!?!" Arrgh, drives me MAD! Thing is, I don't want them to know that we're trying as I couldn't cope with the pressure.
Christmas time is when he really gets into pressure mode and so this year, much to their disgust, we have decided to have Xmas at our house. I don't think that I could stand him constantly going on about it. Before we TTC, I wasn't as bothered but now that we are TTC and it hasn't yet happenned, I just feel upset. What's more is, the 38yr old who is dating the 30 yr old brother doesn't get any comments about babies etc.
Drives me insane!!! The mum-in-law doesn't say anything about TTC but she does look at us expecting an answer when her husband asks the questions.
Anyone else have this kind of situation? Any tips on what to say to them?
DH has a really old fashioned relationship with his parents in the sense that he can't really say anything too negative back to them as they still think he is about 12 years old and would fall out with him and probably never speak to us again. My parents are very relaxed in comparison and as I am an only child, my mum and dad are almost like my big brother and sister. In'laws can't understand this and think I disrespect my parents...which me and my parents find hillarious!
Ah, anyway, that's my rant for the day over. Sorry for the long post. Any tips welcomed

wanting1more

just wanted to say people are pushy hun sorry you have to deal with that. can your DH say something to them about it? it is his parents maybe he could polietly tell them you are TTC but that the comments upset you and it could cause you to quit lol even if it isn't true it may scare them into keeping quiet

xxBubsxx

Hey Boobaby I feel your pain!! We get the same from my in-laws (and
the extended family on his side!).
It drives me mental! It didn't really bother me til we started TTC but since we have I do find it upsetting. Can't really offer anything in the way of advice cause nothing I've tried has worked really. I'm considering maybe telling them due to my work we'll be trying in a years time or sthing so hopefully they'll back off for a bit and give us some breathing space! Would that work with yours do you reckon?? Failing that ... I've been polite for past few months mayb I'll just start being rude and abruptly changing the subject!

Seasidebaby

Hi I am so glad I have read your rant as I am having trouble deciding whether to tell my parents & in laws we are TTC... Me & DB are only I'm first month TTC, not married yet but in the current financial climate we thought we'd rather save than spend money on a lavish party etc. Anyway, that's irrelevant, we've decided to TTC thinking it could take 12-18 months anyway... I feel your pain! I get the hints and little jokes in conversations from my grand parents (both 78 bless them). Again, they're very old fashioned and went pale at the thought of us even living together out if wedlock :-S

Anyway, DB says he doesn't want the pressure of questions like "are you OVing?!" "have you done it yet?" "how's it going?" etc etc. And I see what he means but I am just about ready to burst here and tell someone! TTC is so exciting & special I'm struggling not to mention it when people ask y I don't want a coffee or something :-S

This may not be any help to you but if I were u I would think about telling them u r TTC... Then maybe the comments about when u r TTC will stop and they may focus on when a baby does come! It depends how much you think they will interfere but they may well just be so over the moon that they pamper you and will focus on baby stuff rather than u... Does that make sense?

The important thing I'd don't let anyone, whoevever it is put you off TTC! It's between u & your DH! Good luck with everything! Hopefully we'll both get our BFP for Xmas x x

Princess86

Hiya hun, i'm also in the same situation.. i've been married for 3years and i hadn't been trying since last year but everyone has been on my case and it's so upsetting and makes me feel as if theres something wrong with me, especially my in-laws the first question my MIL would ask is.. any news? and i jus laugh it off but deep down it hurts me.

My hubby tells me not to worry, and i have his support so thats the main thing hun.. and my DH has spoken to his parents saying we wern't trying before but now we are so it takes time and just pray.

Your hubby can explain the situaton to this parents in a appropriate way and they'll understand.. he doesnt have to be negeative. It's better if your hubby speaks to them than you speaking to them - that way they're more undestanding.

I mean theres nothing much we can do apart from trying..

Good luck to all the ladies who are TTC i hope we all get our BFP!
x

boobaby

Thanks everyone, really appreciate all the replies. Sounds like I'm not on my own out there with the in-laws situation. I'll see how they are over the Xmas period and keep you updated on how we go about handling it. If, and hopefully, when we do become pregnant, I don't think I'd be able to tell them until after 4-5 months as they would completely take over. And I don't mean in a way that would be nice, as in doing things for me etc, More like, "do this and do that!". If planning the wedding was anything to go by they would just drive me insane! Anyway, have to give them a chance and need to get that BFP first before I start worrying about that! Thanks everyone xxx

Leilani

Just say "We're having lots of sex; you have 3 sons, which position were you doing it in, as we'd like a boy too?"

I would never say it, but would love to!

MrsJ08

Thanks for posting this thread boobaby. My DH and I have been married for a year and together for three years. I understand how you feel although the pressure isn't coming from my in-laws. I've experienced some pressure from my Mum nothing hardcore but lot's of hints. I think it's difficult for her as her sister has four grandchildren and she desperately wants to be a Nanna. I've told her we are thinking about TTC (thought I'd leave things a bit open rather than tell her we are starting) I told her it was a big secret (which it is) but that I was trusting her to keep it and she hasn't mentioned it since. So, basically maybe you could try saying something to your FIL like "we are coming round to the idea, watch this space" with any luck MIL will tell him to leave you alone.

The person who applies the pressure with us is my step-sister. We've stopped seeing her unless we have to because her general manner drives my DH mad. Typically she is pregnant with her second, she know's I love kid's so she can't help but say things like, "wouldn't it be nice if my little ones had cousins". I can't work out whether she is saying it to upset me, whether it's to get one-up on me or if she generally wishes we both had kid's. Knowing her personality I expect it's the former, she loves being the centre of attention and that my Dad is acting like a grandfather to her kids and can't help rubbing my nose in it. Last year my Nan really upset me although I know it wasn't deliberate. We were chatting just before my wedding and she raised the subject of kid's. As she's my Nan I don't mind having that conversation with her, so I told her we did want children and hopefully sooner rather than later although we would probably wait until we have been married a year. When she asked me how many I said at least one and she said "well at your age you probably won't have time to have more than one" (I'm 34). At first I think I must have looked a bit offended but then I just laughed it off. I think it's hard for the older generation to get their head round people waiting until their 30's to get married and have kid's. It's such a change compared to their generation who got married in their early 20's and had honeymoon babies.

Also, one last note on your FIL, I think you should take it as a compliment that he says it to you and not the women your BIL's are seeing. Perhaps he doesn't say it to them either because he doesn't see them as mother material or because he doesn't think their relationship's are going to go the distance? Whereas with you he obviously think's you will be a good Mum and know's you have a committed relationship?

I don't know if this will help much, but I hope you feel better knowing you are not alone

jenkins

hi

omg as if ttc wasn't stressful enough!!!

My story is a bit different as until about 6 months ago i was adamant that i never ever wanted kids and it irritated me when people made comments like "you've been married a while now, are you trying to have kids?"

anyway full turn around now for many reasons and now i can't wait for my bfp.
I was really worried about telling my family we are ttc as thought they would be so shocked. it actually went down really well and they are really happy and excited for us.

Only bad thing to come from it is that my 18yr old sister went into where i work to see me on my day off and happened to 'mention' to my boss and in front of other colleages that we were trying!!! Furious did not cover it. How dare she tell other people my business and my boss of all people! Doesn't help that for many reasons this was a person in particular who i really did not want to know.

Ah well, flamin families hey!!

As some others have said, its nothing to do with anyone else and if people are really upsetting you or stressing you out then just try to have as little to do with them as possible i reckon!

Good luck to all
xxx

Lovemyboy

That must be very stressful for you honey! I don't have that prob with inlaws but everyone else!! I have a 3 (soon to be 4 year old) and EVERONE keeps asking when i'm going to give him a wee bro/sis to play with. It drives me mad and really upsets me, esp because we ARE trying and really really want to make him a big brother! I know people don't mean to upset us but i wish they would all just leave us alone and stop asking us!!

Could you not tell them yous ate TTC and mabey they might be more tactfull towards yous? x