Obsessed

jo27 · Feb 17th, 2008, 07:04 AM

Me and DH went out for a meal last night and had a chat he thinks i'm becoming obsessed with ttc and says we only have sex when i'm ovulating. I can see his point but my argument is we have been together for 8 years (so have had plenty of not ttc sex!) and have been ttc the last year and have left it to chance it's only this month i've been saying we need to step it up lol and try and BD every other day around ovulation. I tried explaining we're not getting any younger i'm 28 and he's 35. Anyway think i kind of got my point across so i'll have to wait and see. We didn't get very far with the BD'iing every other day this cycle it only lasted about a week and then he said he was too tired, i didn't give him too much of a hard time but just think we really need to make the effort!

EllaCruz · Feb 17th, 2008, 07:49 AM

I think this is the problem, really. Men are fragile creatures. They like to feel wanted. They want to know that we want them for THEM not simply for what they can provide to us.

There has to be a comfortable balance, I think. J and I BD around ovulation like rabbits, but for the rest of the month we just do it when and as often as we want. We spice it up. We make it nice.

The minute baby making becomes a chore, the resentment kicks in, so a compromise is needed.

Try not to actually mention ovulating. Just, get all seductive and passionate around the time and make him think that you want HIM, not just his sperm. Flatter his ego a little bit.

Tis the way forwards.

avistar · Feb 17th, 2008, 10:54 AM

I agree, my DH has felt that way too and it works better when he doesn't know when I think I might being Oing...he wants to feel loved and wanted...just like we all do

...so I can understand his point. I also can most definitely understand your point too. After just BDing for a year by chance to get preg and nothing happens, then yeah...something needs to be done if you both are wanting a baby. We have been officially ttc for 6 months and unofficially for around 6 months...(this time last year my DH told me

) So I hope that all is understood where the other is coming from and everything works out

loopylew · Feb 17th, 2008, 12:25 PM

i was in the same situation last cycle. DH said i was putting pressure on him and he didn't wanna BD around ovulation as he felt too pressured. This cycle he's got no idea. We're bd'ing when we can but im not gonna mention ovulation to him, as in "we must BD tonight cos i'm ovulating" just gonna initiate, so to speak (tmi lol) and he has no idea. WE bd'ed this morning and he talked about us getting pg so i know he has no idea about when im ovulating. Just not gonna mention it. Good luck xx

Mervs Mum · Feb 17th, 2008, 12:34 PM

Loopy's right. Men dont want to know about the 'science'. I invested in lots of cheap fancy underwear and made myself hard to as resist as poss but didnt let on when I thought we 'needed' to over just doing it coz we wanted to.

Samo · Feb 17th, 2008, 13:07 PM

I agree with the others and you should just initiate it when he's got no idea

men like to feel wanted! Always make the moment fun and intimate, you don't want it to feel like a chore. My DH sometimes refers himself as a sperm donor

but i always reassure that of course he is more than that! And i try to make things special.

hope everything works out

**Vickie** · Feb 17th, 2008, 13:08 PM

I never told my DH when I thought I was ovulating, it seemed to make him more relaxed that way. BDing every other day is hard, like you by the end of the first week or so we were tired of it and it became a chore--never a good thing. Good luck

Madwolf3 · Feb 17th, 2008, 15:20 PM

LOL Welcome to the wonderful world of TTC, I think the majority of us have had (or HAVE) this issue with hubby. I did too, and even though hubby wanted to know when I was ovulating and everything going on, he felt like we only had sex during ovulation, which was true. He didn't really trust the OPKs anyway cuz he said we didn't KNOW that's when I was ovulating just because of a stupid test... Well, needless to say he finally made me give up the OPKs and charting... And I got my BFP that first month of "trying without TRYING". LOL. Not to say that it's the only way that works, but I think sometimes we get so caught up in the techincal aspects that we forget to relax and have fun! Anyway, good luck! I hope it happens for you soon!

Lazy Leo · Feb 17th, 2008, 15:27 PM

Good advice Madwolf!

Feb 17th, 2008, 07:04 AM	#1
jo27 Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Warrington Posts: 778	Obsessed Me and DH went out for a meal last night and had a chat he thinks i'm becoming obsessed with ttc and says we only have sex when i'm ovulating. I can see his point but my argument is we have been together for 8 years (so have had plenty of not ttc sex!) and have been ttc the last year and have left it to chance it's only this month i've been saying we need to step it up lol and try and BD every other day around ovulation. I tried explaining we're not getting any younger i'm 28 and he's 35. Anyway think i kind of got my point across so i'll have to wait and see. We didn't get very far with the BD'iing every other day this cycle it only lasted about a week and then he said he was too tired, i didn't give him too much of a hard time but just think we really need to make the effort!

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 07:49 AM	#2
EllaCruz Trying to conceive (TTC) Inactive Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 370	I think this is the problem, really. Men are fragile creatures. They like to feel wanted. They want to know that we want them for THEM not simply for what they can provide to us. There has to be a comfortable balance, I think. J and I BD around ovulation like rabbits, but for the rest of the month we just do it when and as often as we want. We spice it up. We make it nice. The minute baby making becomes a chore, the resentment kicks in, so a compromise is needed. Try not to actually mention ovulating. Just, get all seductive and passionate around the time and make him think that you want HIM, not just his sperm. Flatter his ego a little bit. Tis the way forwards.

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 10:54 AM	#3
avistar Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,340	I agree, my DH has felt that way too and it works better when he doesn't know when I think I might being Oing...he wants to feel loved and wanted...just like we all do ...so I can understand his point. I also can most definitely understand your point too. After just BDing for a year by chance to get preg and nothing happens, then yeah...something needs to be done if you both are wanting a baby. We have been officially ttc for 6 months and unofficially for around 6 months...(this time last year my DH told me ) So I hope that all is understood where the other is coming from and everything works out

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 12:25 PM	#4
loopylew Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Yorkshire, UK Posts: 2,344	i was in the same situation last cycle. DH said i was putting pressure on him and he didn't wanna BD around ovulation as he felt too pressured. This cycle he's got no idea. We're bd'ing when we can but im not gonna mention ovulation to him, as in "we must BD tonight cos i'm ovulating" just gonna initiate, so to speak (tmi lol) and he has no idea. WE bd'ed this morning and he talked about us getting pg so i know he has no idea about when im ovulating. Just not gonna mention it. Good luck xx

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 12:34 PM	#5
Mervs Mum Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: somewhere over the rainbow..... Posts: 21,344	Loopy's right. Men dont want to know about the 'science'. I invested in lots of cheap fancy underwear and made myself hard to as resist as poss but didnt let on when I thought we 'needed' to over just doing it coz we wanted to.
	Supporting birthing women in Yorkshire, Humberside, Manchester, Merseyside & the surrounding areas.
Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 13:07 PM	#6
Samo Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: AFB Posts: 2,887	I agree with the others and you should just initiate it when he's got no idea men like to feel wanted! Always make the moment fun and intimate, you don't want it to feel like a chore. My DH sometimes refers himself as a sperm donor but i always reassure that of course he is more than that! And i try to make things special. hope everything works out

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 13:08 PM	#7
Vickie Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 75,678	I never told my DH when I thought I was ovulating, it seemed to make him more relaxed that way. BDing every other day is hard, like you by the end of the first week or so we were tired of it and it became a chore--never a good thing. Good luck

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 15:20 PM	#8
Madwolf3 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Idaho, USA Posts: 267	LOL Welcome to the wonderful world of TTC, I think the majority of us have had (or HAVE) this issue with hubby. I did too, and even though hubby wanted to know when I was ovulating and everything going on, he felt like we only had sex during ovulation, which was true. He didn't really trust the OPKs anyway cuz he said we didn't KNOW that's when I was ovulating just because of a stupid test... Well, needless to say he finally made me give up the OPKs and charting... And I got my BFP that first month of "trying without TRYING". LOL. Not to say that it's the only way that works, but I think sometimes we get so caught up in the techincal aspects that we forget to relax and have fun! Anyway, good luck! I hope it happens for you soon!

Status: Offline

Feb 17th, 2008, 15:27 PM	#9
Lazy Leo Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: UK Posts: 4,275	Good advice Madwolf!

Status: Offline

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