Ganiggle

I've joined this forum in search of help. Currently I'm 22, and ever since I was 20 I have been getting urges to become a mother. At first, the urge would pass in a few days, but over the last 2 years they've been getting stronger, more frequent, and last longer. I've dealt with it before by getting a new pet, or just ignoring it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now, and we now live together. About a month and a half ago, I started getting the baby urge again. 2 weeks ago, we got a pet ferret. Before, this would have fixed baby urge for at least a few months. This time however, it only let up for 2 days.

I've asked him about it. When I say "can we have a baby?" he always says "we'll see". He says his main concern is finances. He wants to wait until we can afford to have a baby. From what I hear from other mothers though is that "if you wait until you can afford it, you'll never have a baby". This is what scares me. What if he never comes around?

Every time I get the baby urge, he is no longer "in the mood" for you know what, usually for a very long time. I dont know what to do.

Everything that was working on the baby urge before, is not working this time. I cant even watch TV anymore because everytime I see a commercial for a baby product, or even a baby on TV in general, I get teary eyed knowing that I wont have one for a very long time.

I've even thought of poking holes in our condoms! I'd never actually do it, it's immoral and wrong, but it has crossed my mind after he said "If it happened accidentally, I'd be here, and help raise the child".

I need somebodys help. I dont know what to do to make this urge go away. I want to be pregnant, like, yesterday! It just doesn't seem to want to go away this time. Has anybody here experienced something similar? How do you make it stop?? Please.. i'm desparate!

Lauren-x

Samo

I have felt the same way as you and it's been a year wait until my husband came around the bend. He too gave me the 'We'll see" answer everytime i would burst up and say "i want a baby!!!" and his reasons was also financial, saying i should first get a job, which now i am since i got myself a car.

Do both you and your OH work? Do you think he is ready for kids? Personally i never thought finances were the real reason my OH didn't want to have babies at the time, i think it was him not ready to be a father. Maybe your OH doesn't think he is ready? After getting married and living together for a year, my DH has come around and realized we're quite stable and it would be a blessing to have 1 more in the household (besides the dog!).

Good luck to you. I really think he just doesn't feel ready to be a first time father and the responsibility that comes with it. Try having a talk with him about it?

Ganiggle

Thanks for the reply. Yes we both work. At the same job, we make pretty decent money. He's great with kids, and has said he wants to be a father. He said he is ready to be a father, but he's just scared about finances. I figured it out on paper and showed him that we'd be able to manage just fine. Maybe he's just scared?

faith_may

I know how you feel, I felt that way a few months ago and I told my DH and he said yes, so good luck

Mervs Mum

Maybe he's just not ready and is worried about admitting it out right so he's using finance and a 'sensible/solid' reason rather than admitting it might be an emotional thing and feeling vulnerable????
My husband wasn't ready last year - I was ready. I'm 33 (I had my first at 20) and I was also concerned that time was ticking by. If I'm honest I tried to pressure him at first but that made things worse so I backed off. 3 months later he was ready, and TTC so far has been lovely. Yes the waiting is frustrating but thats why I joined B&B!! Give him time and hopefully he'll come round on his own.
I was a single Mum for almost 10 yrs when my first marriage didnt work out and let me tell you, it's not a walk in the park. I think you're very brave to admit that you've thought about 'making it happen' - very honest and I admire you for that. But as strong as your urges are it's not the way forward.
There are some great girls on here and in the WTC forums so you know where to find someone if you need to talk.

Ganiggle

Thanks so much for your post. I love this site! Everyone has been very helpful! It was hard to admit I had thought about "making it happen". Know that I'd never actually do it, and I know it would only make things really bad!

I've talked with my SO this week about it to try and find out what the real reason is. He's still saying money, but I also got out of him that he's afraid to be responsible for a tiny human life. I told him I was scared too. Scared, but ready. Maybe it is a good idea to back off for a while and see if he comes around without my constant nagging. The other day we went to Wal Mart, and you know how they have the parking space for woman with child?
I turned to him and said "If we had a baby we could park THERE!" hehe, he just rolled his eyes. Just little stuff like that, I keep doing.

I've been doing a little bit better with the urges this week. I painted a picture of a pregnant woman, and that seemed to help some. I just want this to happen so badly! I hate waiting *pouts*

Thanksagain!

Samo

That is good you have talked to him. I do agree that you may have to wait a little while for him to come around but maybe it could be sooner than you expect! Also, about your wal-mart incident, i did the same thing with my DH! And when you go shopping...take a tour of the baby clothes and such and ooh and awww at the cute clothes and 'what would look cute on your future child.' My DH got really into that sort of thing and we start to bicker that he wants a Son first and I would love a Daughter and not long after that, he started to become more comfortable with the idea of trying.

I think you painting a picture and putting your passion for wanting a child into art is very nice. That is a good idea

Ganiggle

Thanks! That is a good idea, maybe next time we go to Wal Mart, we'll "accidentally" end up in the baby section hehe. Maybe when he looks at all the tiny clothes he'll get excited about it. Right now he isn't exposed to babies at all. Nobody in either of our families has a baby, and neither do our friends, so maybe that could be a contributing factor? Maybe if he was a little more exposed to babies right now he'd be more open to the idea of trying. Something to think about I guess.

I would also love a daughter. He wants a son that he can teach all of his knowledge about hockey to hehe. My mom also wants a grandson, because she had 4 girls, and always wanted a little boy to spoil hehe. I'd be ecstatic with either one though.

Mervs Mum

Good Luck Ganiggle x