Hope22

Last night I had one of the most vivid nightmares I've EVER had. I don't know if this is a sign of pregnancy, PMS, or it's completely random, but it's been 12 hours and I'm still shaking thinking about this dream.

Caution - gory details, possibly with TMI from this point on:

Over a year ago I had a MC that was followed by severe, prolonged bleeding (took them weeks to diagnose what was happening, meanwhile I went back and forth to the ER for episodes of uncontrollable bleeding) and ended in surgery for a uterine AVM that had burst.

I was pg at the time (we had been trying, but didn't know we had succeeded, it was very early days). Apparently the pregnancy exacerbated an underlying vascular issue - my increased blood volume caused the relatively small AVM (which is a bit like an aneurysm) to swell to huge proportions and eventually burst. The surgery on my uterus changed the organ itself and its surrounding blood vessels and while I'm told it's safe to get pregnant now, I obviously have a lot of underlying fears now that we're trying. Part of it stems from the fact that at the last US they confirmed that there were two very small AVMs still present (they regrow in some people) and I'm terrified getting pg will cause them to bleed like the last one did. This would cause a MC, and endanger my life, so... I guess it's understandable to be afraid of it.

Anyway, the dream:
I was sleeping, woke up to go to the bathroom, and noticed I was bleeding. There was hot, bright red blood everywhere (this is what the blood was like with the AVM), and then I started passing clots. The bathroom was covered in blood, and when I looked back I could see bloody footprints leading to the bathroom from the bedroom. I felt something strange, reached down, and came up with a handful of blood that contained tiny bones. I remember the blood sliding through my fingers and down my legs, and how clear the bones were - I could make out ribs, a femur, a miniscule spine... it was real to me even after I woke up and reminded myself that I had been dreaming - I kept looking for blood, I was so sure it wasn't in my imagination.

It was one of the most realistic, technicolour, sweat and tears inducing dreams I've ever had. This was more terrifying than any childhood nightmare, worse than the most gory horror movie I've ever watched. My husband was already up, and when I stopped shaking the first thing I did was find him and hug him for a long, long time.

Sorry if this was upsetting to anyone, but I needed to share. Thank you all for being here.

justme00

Wow that dreams sounds quite horrific! I really hope you have better dreams tonight.

faith_may

I hope you feel better now, if you want we can talk, I'm a future psychologist (only a few more months and I'm done with college)

FJL

Oh sweetie, what an awful nightmare.

I am no help to explain why you dreamt this but just want to give you happy good dream vibes for tonight

Hope22

Thank you both so much. I'm actually afraid to go to sleep tonight - I feel silly, like a little girl afraid of the dark, but I really am! My DH is away tonight and though I have the dog and three cats for company, it's not the same. I want to cuddle up next to my hubby and feel safe. He's home in a few hours, and I have no doubt as soon as he arrives, I'll be able to go to sleep. It's funny, sometimes they're so exasperating, but boy oh boy, when there's a big bug in the shower or I have a nightmare, there's nobody in the world better than my big goofy man

FJL

Have you got any herbals to relax you such as a cup of chamomille tea hun?

You could always stay up chatting to us until DH gets home?!

I'm the same with my DH, i'm never scared when he's around

I hope you get a good nights sleep tonight hun.

Carolina

aww thats awful pet! i hope you feel better, u should have a nice long bath before you go to bed tonight to relax. I had a nightmare last night that i was pregnant and i wnt to the toilet and stood up and the entire toilet seat was covered in loads of blood...i thought that was horrific but yours sounds ten imes worse. I think with all the emotions of ttc and worrying about things going wrong it can enter our dreams. I wanted to send you some

anita665

I hope you're feeling a bit better now. Dreams like that take a while to forget. I have very vivid dreams quite often. They're common in pregnancy but they can also happen completely randomly, especialy if there is something on your mind. You must be worried and stressed at the moment about concieveing so your dream was about the worst possible thing. Your mind can play evil tricks but I hope you're ok.

FJL

How did you sleep last night sweety?

Amanda

Oh hunnie, that sounds like an horrific dream. I hope you managed to get a little better sleep last night.