Trying To Conceive

Jayne · Dec 4th, 2007, 18:43 PM

Totally nicked this from the FF forums, but found it so hilarious I had to share!!

Quote:

You know you’ve become a TTC/charting obsessive when:

1. You sneak taking your temperature under the doona in the morning & read the output by the light of your mobile phone
2. When you don’t get the temperature you like, you take it again, reasoning that your mouth was open, you were overheated, etc. Then you take again & again, averaging out the results, while you lie still in bed bursting to pee
3. You figure if you make your way slowly to the toilet in the morning, that won’t raise your temperature too much, so you take it again. Hell – why not sit on the loo with the thermometer in your mouth!
4. Those special morning cuddles have to wait until the temperature has been taken
5. Then, if it’s still low, you jump your poor DH/BF while he’s still there
6. You regularly lick an overpriced plastic microscope 3 times a day, twisting it left & right to see the pretty ferns that might turn up a week before ovulation or not at all
7. You wonder what the point of it is, but keep using it anyway
8. You now inspect your panties in a way that would have grossed you out a few months ago and play with the discharge in a way you wouldn’t touch your snot
9. You get excited the first time you notice a blob of soft, stretchy, clear discharge and run to FF and log in EWCM.
10. You stick you finger up you hoo-hoo on a daily basis, and not for fun
11. You call your period AF and sex BD
12. You assess your beloved’s health and leisure time in terms of whether it’s affecting his sperm quality
13. You pee on a stick on a regular basis. Or pee in a cup and dip the stick into it like you’re checking the oil. Keep coming back every minute until the 5 minutes is up and stare at it. Hold it up to the light, stare at it some more, take a photo of it then post it on FF for the opinion of thousands of strangers
14. You spend all day sneakily logging into FF to stare at your chart, stare at other women’s charts, compare your chart to theirs, overlay your chart, review your chart history, read the boards all day long
15. You read too much about mc and it scares you
16. You wonder how the hell this baby making business ever gets done in the first place
17. The days between AF and O are long, slow & drawn out with expectation. The days between O and AF are long, slow & drawn out with fear.
18. You jump for joy when a FF buddy gets a +ve HPT
19. You despair when the spotting starts
20. You wonder what the hell you did with your day before you started charting. (So does your boss)