I don't usually post threads like these, but I need some opinions ladies, as I just seem to be getting myself in knots thinking about a comment from a member of my DH's family...

Basically, I was told that I am "controlling" and need to "chill out" regarding LO. We're still pretty strict over his diet, and essentially don't have anyone else looking after him unless absolutely necessary. My MIL looks after LO once a week so we can get some writing done for our PhD's, but other than that, LO is always either with me or DH.

At the time it was said I laughed it off, and made excuses, but as time goes by I'm getting more and more upset. Firstly, why is it only me getting judged when EVERY decision about LO is made jointly between DH and I? Secondly, I just feel like they don't respect me as a Mother i.e. I need to be told where I'm going wrong!

Am I being oversensitive...am I really too controlling just because we have a clear idea of how we raise LO? Urgh! It just feels so horrible to have my parenting judged and commented on like this

IMO lo's benefit from having interaction with Other people. My lo has been looked after by a variety of people since about 6 months old. This is the way I do things and I know lots of people don't agree.
I think other people should butt out when it comes to your child. It's not like you are doing anything wrong. Other people can be very hurtful.
Your baby you choose how to bring them up.

He does see all of his extended family, plus our friends and their babies, on a very regular basis, it's just that one of us is always with him too.

I think that DH's family think LO should be spending more time alone with them, but for us, once a week is adequate. I'd love for them to respect that we can have different opinions on that, just like you do Thanks!

I am with you BuddyIV. Unless I have to go somewhere without Nolan, I don't have other people watch him. I don't see the point in it, he gets plenty of interaction with other people. He is not shy, he is very friendly and social. I feel like when people "push" about watching him and what not- they only want to play "mommy or daddy" or do things that I would not have him do.

Luckily, DH's family finally gave up on that. I am his mother, who better than me to take care of him?

Well IMO it would be slightly controlling and not my way of parenting at all but like you say we all have our own ideas of parenting. Doesn't make yours wrong, just not how i would do it.

Exactly! I just hate being made to feel that I'm doing something wrong by wanting to be with him all the time.

The thing is, DH's family are wonderful and I actually love them all. I just wish they would stop judging me, and offering opinions that I don't really need to hear.

We are pretty lucky with DH's family, too. They are just used to watching DH's nephew a lot because of his parents work schedules. So I think they feel like they should do the same with Nolan. I love that if I need them, they are there. But I just cannot stand being away from Nolan, so we just make sure we all get together once a week and hang out. I get to sit back and relax and they get to enjoy Nolan. I also have a lot of trust issues from my childhood- so after mentioning that, they backed off with the whole alone time.

Did the person making the comment have children of their own? If so how many?

I say this because when any of us have our 1st child we learn as we go along how 'we' want to be parents, and with our 1st we are learning everything from scratch. If we choose to go on to have other children we have already learnt where we might be able to 'relax' a bit as others may see it. So if the original commentor has 3 or 4 children of their own then they may well think what you are doing as unnecessary, but I bet you they did it themselves too on baby 1 I hope this makes sense

It totally makes sense I did say at the time that I'm sure we will relax, but we'll do it in our own time, as and when it suits LO and us.

The family member does have a child, and she is a good Mother who has a different attitude towards parenting than we do. The thing is, I have never, ever commented towards her about how she raises her child, because I know that whatever decisions she makes, they are what she thinks are for the best. I wish she would extend the same courtesy to me though...

I think their use of the word ''controlling'' is apalling tbh. Just because you choose not to leave your LO whenever and with whoever wants him is not controlling in the slightest and I find it very harsh that somebody would say so. As you've said you do leave him once a week or so, there's nothing wrong with that, again it's your choice. I generally have Summer with me everywhere I go because I feel a little lost without her (sad I know) but I have no problems leaving her when I have a midwife appt or something My LO is constantly intereacting with people but I don't see why I'd leave her with somebody if I didn't have to . xx