Saying no...

SkyChaser · Nov 14th, 2009, 19:25 PM

Hi Ladies,
To start, and make a long story short; I spoil my child, but when I say no, he throws a LARGE temper tantrum... To the point where he goes into the kitchen and starts breaking my glasses, and I get so guilty, I just go get him what he wants...

Is there a way to say no politely, and a way he understands?

And... how can I train him to understand no means no, and not to throw a temper tantrum when I use no...

I'm a great mom, I know, but I say yes too much, and when I use no - the kid goes wild.

Help?

**~KACI~** · Nov 14th, 2009, 19:32 PM

Say no and stick to it no matter what he does, i know its hard but it will pay off

Going to move this to toddler and pre school section for you

SkyChaser · Nov 14th, 2009, 19:34 PM

Well I can't stick to no if he's steadily breaking my expensive glasses! What he wants will certainly be cheaper than 100 dollars for drink ware.

Maybe I can get one thing a week!

But still, the problem remains- saying yes.

**~KACI~** · Nov 14th, 2009, 19:38 PM

Is it not possible to move stuff out the way or put locks on doors??

Sorry to say if he's smashing glasses now to get his own way whats going to happen next....sorry again to be blunt

SkyChaser · Nov 14th, 2009, 19:42 PM

It's possible to move stuff out of the way, but putting locks on doors just to keep him out is not possible! I can certainly put the glasses in the upper cabinet rather than in the wine fridge, but then the glasses won't be chilled, so it's a win-lose situation.

And, you're right! If don't control him now, by five he'll be wanting to fight.

His dad is also really easy-going! If he can't get it from me, he's definitely able to get it from dad! Neither one of us can say no, because we have him like that.

I'm thinking I'll just say no, and if he breaks glasses, he'll be put on timeout... in the attic. He won't like it up there.

dali · Nov 15th, 2009, 04:29 AM

if you dont use time out already maybe a good idea to start now, but as far as saying o politely i always tryt o explain why im saying no ie "no - its nearly dinner time" or rephrasing as "you can have some after dinner" so the word no isnt the only thing he hears. of course my lo is younger than yours , so who knows how it will work out , but so far he is quite good at accepting no most of the time. of course we still get tantrums but they dont tend to last long.
i think if he was breaking glasses and moving / locking them away isnt an option ( how about a lock on the kitchen door ?, or a baby gate?) then i would have to say time out is the way i would go, as he could really hurt himself, and just keep putting him back in time out ( naughty spot ) every time he gets up out of it.
it will be hard to start with but if you stick at it , he should soon get the idea

freckleonear · Nov 15th, 2009, 08:19 AM

Smashing glasses!

When you tell him no but then give in, you are teaching him that you don't actually mean what you say and that he can get his own way if he pushes you hard enough. If you say no, you really need to stick to it. Eventually he will realise that you mean what you say and it will be pointless for him to throw such temper tantrums.

At 3 years old he is more than old enough to know that behaviour such as breaking glasses is unacceptable. Time out is a good idea as other ladies have suggested, or maybe a box to confiscate favourite toys until he is good enough to earn them back.

tinybutterfly · Nov 15th, 2009, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freckleonear

When you tell him no but then give in, you are teaching him that you don't actually mean what you say and that he can get his own way if he pushes you hard enough. If you say no, you really need to stick to it. Eventually he will realise that you mean what you say and it will be pointless for him to throw such temper tantrums.

exactly!

if he does that, put him in a spot where he can't destroy anything
and let him do his thing. some ppl use their hall way, bathroom, laudry room,...
if you really don't have anything you stay around him but IGNORE him
because the littlest bit of attention you'll give him is going to make the tantrum last longer bc you're reinforcing his behaviour.
if he's about to go break something, firmly take him and put him away from it again without saying anything.
and yes, the first few times, more than likely, you'll do nothing but that but
it will get better, YOU are in charge, not him!

and i think putting your glasses in the top cupboard instead of having them
cooled is a good idea, they don't really have to be in there 24/7 to be cooled
just a bit before you're using them? i mean, what are the odds he's going to
throw a tantrum just as you have put the glasses in hehe?

and in the long run... if he breaks glasses now, i fear for what he's going to
do in the future

SkyChaser · Nov 15th, 2009, 11:12 AM

Thanks for the replies. You all are being very nice, and not just saying I'm a pushover mom!

This morning, I moved the wine glasses to the top cabinet and also retrieved the baby gate from the basement. Today, he seems to be enjoying the playroom more than anything!

Honestly, the only time he throws temper tantrums is if he sees something no a commercial and I cannot get it right away.

Dali, I really like your suggestion of using a different phrase so that he doesn't hear no. But then, he's old enough to be expecting it "later."

I'm really going to crackdown, and I mean it.

Hopefully, by the time of his birthday, we'll have everything he longs for on the commercials.

Dinoslass · Nov 16th, 2009, 13:00 PM

I know it is not easy, but sticking to your no will pay in the long end. Good luck!

Nov 14th, 2009, 19:25 PM	#1
SkyChaser Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Big Apple... Posts: 18	Saying no... Hi Ladies, To start, and make a long story short; I spoil my child, but when I say no, he throws a LARGE temper tantrum... To the point where he goes into the kitchen and starts breaking my glasses, and I get so guilty, I just go get him what he wants... Is there a way to say no politely, and a way he understands? And... how can I train him to understand no means no, and not to throw a temper tantrum when I use no... I'm a great mom, I know, but I say yes too much, and when I use no - the kid goes wild. Help?

Status: Offline

Nov 14th, 2009, 19:32 PM	#2
~KACI~ Mum (Mom) BabyandBump Team Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Wales Posts: 11,953	Say no and stick to it no matter what he does, i know its hard but it will pay off Going to move this to toddler and pre school section for you

Status: Offline

Nov 14th, 2009, 19:34 PM	#3
SkyChaser Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Big Apple... Posts: 18	Well I can't stick to no if he's steadily breaking my expensive glasses! What he wants will certainly be cheaper than 100 dollars for drink ware. Maybe I can get one thing a week! But still, the problem remains- saying yes.

Status: Offline

Nov 14th, 2009, 19:38 PM	#4
~KACI~ Mum (Mom) BabyandBump Team Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Wales Posts: 11,953	Is it not possible to move stuff out the way or put locks on doors?? Sorry to say if he's smashing glasses now to get his own way whats going to happen next....sorry again to be blunt

Status: Offline

Nov 14th, 2009, 19:42 PM	#5
SkyChaser Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Big Apple... Posts: 18	It's possible to move stuff out of the way, but putting locks on doors just to keep him out is not possible! I can certainly put the glasses in the upper cabinet rather than in the wine fridge, but then the glasses won't be chilled, so it's a win-lose situation. And, you're right! If don't control him now, by five he'll be wanting to fight. His dad is also really easy-going! If he can't get it from me, he's definitely able to get it from dad! Neither one of us can say no, because we have him like that. I'm thinking I'll just say no, and if he breaks glasses, he'll be put on timeout... in the attic. He won't like it up there.

Status: Offline

Nov 15th, 2009, 04:29 AM	#6
dali Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: east sussex Posts: 1,575	if you dont use time out already maybe a good idea to start now, but as far as saying o politely i always tryt o explain why im saying no ie "no - its nearly dinner time" or rephrasing as "you can have some after dinner" so the word no isnt the only thing he hears. of course my lo is younger than yours , so who knows how it will work out , but so far he is quite good at accepting no most of the time. of course we still get tantrums but they dont tend to last long. i think if he was breaking glasses and moving / locking them away isnt an option ( how about a lock on the kitchen door ?, or a baby gate?) then i would have to say time out is the way i would go, as he could really hurt himself, and just keep putting him back in time out ( naughty spot ) every time he gets up out of it. it will be hard to start with but if you stick at it , he should soon get the idea

Status: Offline

Nov 15th, 2009, 08:19 AM	#7
freckleonear Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Devon Posts: 2,727	Smashing glasses! When you tell him no but then give in, you are teaching him that you don't actually mean what you say and that he can get his own way if he pushes you hard enough. If you say no, you really need to stick to it. Eventually he will realise that you mean what you say and it will be pointless for him to throw such temper tantrums. At 3 years old he is more than old enough to know that behaviour such as breaking glasses is unacceptable. Time out is a good idea as other ladies have suggested, or maybe a box to confiscate favourite toys until he is good enough to earn them back.

Status: Offline

Nov 15th, 2009, 11:12 AM	#9
SkyChaser Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Big Apple... Posts: 18	Thanks for the replies. You all are being very nice, and not just saying I'm a pushover mom! This morning, I moved the wine glasses to the top cabinet and also retrieved the baby gate from the basement. Today, he seems to be enjoying the playroom more than anything! Honestly, the only time he throws temper tantrums is if he sees something no a commercial and I cannot get it right away. Dali, I really like your suggestion of using a different phrase so that he doesn't hear no. But then, he's old enough to be expecting it "later." I'm really going to crackdown, and I mean it. Hopefully, by the time of his birthday, we'll have everything he longs for on the commercials.

Status: Offline

Nov 16th, 2009, 13:00 PM	#10
Dinoslass Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 789	I know it is not easy, but sticking to your no will pay in the long end. Good luck!

Status: Offline

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