Secondly, my eldest Kayleigh was conceived when I was on the pill, and the ex used a condom. She was meant to be. Charlie took 5 months for is to get pg, and it was such a long hard 5 months. We've been ttc number 3 since Charlie was born and he's one now, and it's killing me on a daily basis.
I think what I'm trying to say is that some things are meant to be, and this bean has been strong enough to make it this far.
But then again, only you and your OH know what's going on in your hearts and heads. Only you will be able to make this decision about your futures. You sound like you've got your head screwed on right, and you will make the right decision for all of you. This may be a termination, and if so, then that will be right for you and no-one's going to judge you hun.
You sound like you've got your head screwed on right, and you will make the right decision for all of you.
Thank you. That really does mean a lot to me. My family is constantly harassing me and telling me how I could be better. It's nice to actually get some praise.
I want this baby, I want her SO badly. Yes I want a family of my own, and yes I keep thinking about her and silently talking to her (is that weird?!). But I also have to consider that my dreams for a solid career are very strong. I am also very very young. Very mature in the way I am able to carry myself but truly young at heart. I've got mental health issues to worry about. My family was so messed up that I fear that I'll start to "fix" the problems in my own family, by doing it to my child. You know?
I know that emotionally, I am not ready for this baby. Physically, apparently I am. Financially, who knows. In my heart I want to keep her. I have been through a lot, I am a strong person. But I feel like I'm adding unneeded stress to both our lives. I want my baby to be able to join the soccer team, go on field trips, live in a nice area, go to the movies with her friends, grow up mentally healthy and stable. I don't feel I can provide this right now. So as much as I love this baby, I am SO torn. I can't provide everything she needs, it would be selfish to keep her. But I love her.
See my dillema? Is it normal for my thoughts to change so much like this? I know it's hard for you guys to comment but my emotions are EVERYWHERE. Right now I don't even want to talk to baby's daddy and I've told him to basically f-off even though I love him! What is happening!?!?! Today I was SO set on keeping her, I contacted a counseller and made an appointment to see if I could get on a list for childcare and etc etc (looking into the future). And then I went out for dinner, and now I think I want to abort!!!! At least it's not every hour but it's becoming so stressful I don't know what to do with myself. If I abort, I may regret it. If I keep her, I might be scared and alone, and still regret it.
I think what you are feeling is normal Jessica. I did go through the same thing. I'm 26 and considered not having my lil one. I had already finished school, 2 degrees and have a stable career, wonderful relationship with my OH and even still I considered not having my lil one. Each person's reasons and understanding of their lives is different. We can't help make the decision any easier for you but do realise that there is a responsibility with any decision you choose. Just take some time, I think you have time, and decide. Though you do seem pretty attched already and as many say, what is meant to be will be. You may be a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I think you are!
Thank you guys! It's muchly appreciated. Shock has worn off for me, I'm now making appointments and such. I went to the doctor's, got a blood test done. I will have results after the long weekend (So on Tuesday) and they wanted to schedule an early ultrasound based off the results. That's what they told me anyways. And I've booked an appointment with a counsellor also, to discuss what our options are, financially. There are programs for expectant moms here, where education is paid for if mum undergoes parenting classes. And we're also lucky enough to have OSAP which is for all university bound students. So we're working through it!
It seems to only be hitting my boyfriend NOW though. His opinions are all over the place now!
I really do want to apologize to those who are TTC. I feel like such a bitch for making this huge post about whether or not I should abort my baby that we conceived unplanned, while I know some of you are desperately trying. Makes me feel guilty, heh, it must sting for you. Sorry guys.
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