Hi,
I have been going out with my girlfriend, who is 18 years old for about 2 months and she has just told me she is 6 months pregnant with someone else's child. I was absoloutley gobsmacked by this as she is so damn thin. She is a recreational drug user and I have known this since I met her. She takes mostly cocaine but also ecstacy, speed and marijuana. I have never really been okay with her taking these drugs but she's very stubborn and brushes it aside, plus she's an addict who doesn't want to stop.
She told me about the pregnancy when we were first starting getting intimate(she just stopped and went all coy) so I asked her what was up. She told me about it, and I was, well just stunned. Her stomach is completely flat(I look more pregnant than her and I'm not fat either). She told me she has known about the pregnancy since January and with it being June she says she's 6 months gone. Since I met her I've always felt there was something she was hiding but this was the last thing on my mind. She said that she wants to get an abortion but just 'blocks' the pregnancy from her mind and gets on with her life. She also told me that she takes speed and doesn't eat for 3 days so that she doesn't get fat. I presume that the baby is dead and is still inside her. Her parents don't know and they are friends of my parents, so I can't discuss it with my parents as she doesn't want her parents to EVER know.
I, myself am only 19 and I'm completely baffled by all of this and feel out of depth. I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to offend her because she is clearly lost and confused. In truth I am disgusted with her actions as the foetus is a living thing and even though I may not agree with abortion, I feel it is a better way of killing the foetus than taking multiple drugs and not eating. With her being 6 months gone I find it hard to believe she can legally have an abortion but she reckons that she can go to a clinic for 3 days in a nearby city and have it done.
Can you please help me out as I really like her and want her to get through this bad patch in the best possible way. She is someone who is very insecure, needing constant reassurance and finds it difficult to trust people & open up to them. This is why I'm finding it so difficult to advise her as I'm unsure of what approach to take.
Any advice would be fantastic as I really want to point her in the right direction.
Thanks for your time.
She cannot have an abortion it is too late for that and surely at this stage woudl be way too traumatic.
I think you need to sit down ad weigh things up.
Do you want her and the child? Does she want the baby? Has she looked into adoption? Does she want you so much she has held out from telling you as she thought she woudl lose you?
There is a lot herto discuss and as much as I hate it the drugs may have been her way of blocking it out and it not being "Real" well now it is real,and she needs a good kick up the arse. Sorry to sound harsh but its a babies life at stake here.
I never understand when there are so many people so desperate for kids that this happens to those that dont want/plan but that is irony for you and this conversation is not to judge so i wont digress,sorry.
You need to talk to her and see whats what and get some honest answers and questions until you do this nothing will work out.
I cant offer too much advice I have just had a baby and obviousley too close to me emotionally.
Bex
I can't offer much advice to be honest as i have never taken drugs at all, But i can safely say when this baby is born it is going to suffer sooo bad.
Poor baby will have to go cold turkey as the mother has been plying it with drugs for 6 months.
I would contact social services they may advise you on what to do.
Can i ask what her plans are once the baby is born?
"She is a recreational drug user and I have known this since I met her. She takes mostly cocaine but also ecstacy, speed and marijuana."
That doesnt sound recreational to me. That sounds more like she has a drug addition. Do you think she is really pregnant? Just a though. Maybe she just told you she was pregnant to get attention from you. Or maybe she is going through some mental problems due to here drug use. Just a though. Only because you say she is flat and not showing. Maybe she is trying to convence you she needs the Abortion and wants you to pay for it. Then she might take that money to buy drugs.
Hi, I have been going out with my girlfriend, who is 18 years old for about 2 months and she has just told me she is 6 months pregnant with someone else's child. I was absoloutley gobsmacked by this as she is so damn thin. She is a recreational drug user and I have known this since I met her. She takes mostly cocaine but also ecstacy, speed and marijuana. I have never really been okay with her taking these drugs but she's very stubborn and brushes it aside, plus she's an addict who doesn't want to stop. She told me about the pregnancy when we were first starting getting intimate(she just stopped and went all coy) so I asked her what was up. She told me about it, and I was, well just stunned. Her stomach is completely flat(I look more pregnant than her and I'm not fat either). She told me she has known about the pregnancy since January and with it being June she says she's 6 months gone. Since I met her I've always felt there was something she was hiding but this was the last thing on my mind. She said that she wants to get an abortion but just 'blocks' the pregnancy from her mind and gets on with her life. She also told me that she takes speed and doesn't eat for 3 days so that she doesn't get fat. I presume that the baby is dead and is still inside her. Her parents don't know and they are friends of my parents, so I can't discuss it with my parents as she doesn't want her parents to EVER know. I, myself am only 19 and I'm completely baffled by all of this and feel out of depth. I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to offend her because she is clearly lost and confused. In truth I am disgusted with her actions as the foetus is a living thing and even though I may not agree with abortion, I feel it is a better way of killing the foetus than taking multiple drugs and not eating. With her being 6 months gone I find it hard to believe she can legally have an abortion but she reckons that she can go to a clinic for 3 days in a nearby city and have it done. Can you please help me out as I really like her and want her to get through this bad patch in the best possible way. She is someone who is very insecure, needing constant reassurance and finds it difficult to trust people & open up to them. This is why I'm finding it so difficult to advise her as I'm unsure of what approach to take. Any advice would be fantastic as I really want to point her in the right direction. Thanks for your time.
sorry to sound harsh here
But instead of faffing about on a forum asking questions , grow a pair of balls and take charge of the situation. Like you said she "MIGHT" have a baby inside her and if she has then she needs some help fast. by the sounds of it she is probably just saying it to get attention but if not then whats more important , your relationship or a babies life?????? forget about what she wants coz in all honestly she doesnt deserve to choose at this point and she could end up killing herself and the baby , even though it sounds like shes trying her hardest to kill the baby anyway.
Tell her parents!!!!!!!ring the doctors , just do something
I'm no expert but by 6 months she should be showing something? < Someone may put me right on that one??
Far too late for abortion legally - I couldn't imagine anyone wanting one by some dodgy clinic after the legal fetus age. Gosh I hope nobody would ever do that.
If she does not want the child there are other options.
I don't know what to advise you as I have never been in a situation like this myself, so its hard for someone to actually give out decent advice.
I think personally, you need to take her to see a doctor- Anything could have happened to that baby and to prevent any infection and serious illness, you need to get your girl to a DR and now. At this stage, telling her parents probably wont do you or her any good, if she doesnt want them to know, she will just deny the fact that there ever was a baby (thats if she really isnt showing at all) and she will continue to leane more towards drugs than she is doing already.
There's absolutely no way that abortion would be possible at this stage, but it does sound to me as though your OH doesn't particularly want a child at this early stage of her life and is not only trying to block out the fact that she is pregnant, but is also trying to make the baby 'go away' (if you understand my meaning) Being just 18, Im sure she is probably terrified of whats going on in her life right now, but at the end of the day (and I dont want to sound rude), she really shouldnt have opened her legs without using contraception because now the poor child is having to suffer.
My mother was a drug user when she was pregnant with me and one of my brothers, this caused major problems for both myself and my brother when we were born. I was born weighing just 1lb with water on the brain, and my brother has MS. Even if your girlfriend feels that she doesnt want the child, i'm pretty sure that if this baby does survive all the drug abuse that she wouldn't want to see her baby born close to death, knowing that she had done that to her child. When women have children, though they may not have wanted to continue with the pregnancy at the beginning, the second they see their newborn baby, their feelings will certainly change. It sounds to me that at 18, yur missis needs some serious help. Any teenager taking that amount of drugs and starving herself for 3 days, needs serious medical attention. And if this baby hasnt survived in the womb, she could be causing herself some major issues.
Im just over 6mths and normally a very petit girl ... and im the size of asodding house! Your Girlfriend needs some serious help and now, sod going to a doctor drag her to the nearest hospital kicking and screaming if you have to, that is a baby for christsakes (if there is a baby) and it is living inside someone who is abusing it! That baby has no choice and it is depending on your mrs for EVERYTHING ... every sniff of coke, puff of grass and anything else she is shoing up her nose or down her neck is affecting that child and making it dependant on drugs, that child is going to be soooooo ill .... MAKE HER REALISE! Call social services, get her on some sort of program .. hell get her bloody sectioned if needs be! That child needs someone to help and care for it, the mother isn't doing the job that she is ment to and that child needs help .... let that person be you.
well im not sure what to say ive never touched drugs or even a fag for that matter you said she might have a baby inside her but not showing like you said tere might be a possibility that the baby has died but i think something would happen as her body would start to lose it im not sure plus one girl who i knew she lost her baby last year she had 2 weeks left till her due date she was taking all kinds of drugs and thats how her baby died plus i think your a good person taking on another mans child as some men would have walked away but i think you seriously need to sit down with her and sort it out even go to her parents as this baby will suffer really badly when born god knows what these drugs have done to the child already good luck
Someone has to take control of this situation and she's proven she can't. Tell her parents now so that she can seek medical attention for her baby and herself. As for your relationship, I would run as fast and far as I could. You are very young and may not realize the implications. What will she be like in five or ten years? People can change their ways, but the truest aspect of one's character and personality are permanent.
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