Edit: Sorry if this isn't exactly in the correct area but I wanted you girls' advice.

Okay, so last night my boyfriend picked me up from work and we went home to mine. We had dinner and then laid on my bed and started talking. He kept going on about cars and I soon got bored, so I decided I'd talk about one of my favourite subjects - babies!
Now I know guys get really shit scared when you even mention the "b" word but to be completely honest, I don't care! It's a free world and I'll talk about whatever I want to - at the end of the day its his problem for jumping to conclusions (I did tell him on several occasions that I don't want children right now). When I told my mum she said that its better to know now whether he wants children etc, than waste 5 years of my life only to realise I'm with the wrong person (someone who doesn't want children or something).
Besides, if he wants to talk about his favourite thing, why can't I talk about mine? I asked him this and he said "Because I love cars, I work with cars!" (he is a car salesman) and so I replied "So? I work with children!!"

Anyway, the main reason I'm posting is because we got onto the subject of having children and when the right time would be to do so. It was all going fine and we were joking about how he wants his children to be into cars like he is blah, blah, blah etc. and then he said something that made me stop and think "Oh crap, this isn't going to work out"... he said he doesn't want to TTC for another 10 years!

Now baring in mind he is 5 years older than me... I am 20, he is 25... If he wants to TTC at 35 that is fine (its more the woman's age you need to worry about, right?) but that would make me 30! He wants me to wait the next ten years of my life to even BEGIN trying for a child. The most fertile time for a woman to have children is 25-29 (according to this website I was on) and so my idea of having children at 25 was pretty much perfect... but no, he wants me to wait an extra 5 years in which time I could start having trouble conceiving etc.

This might seem a trivial little thing to some people, especially as I have only been with my boyfriend for about 2 months... but I couldn't help thinking that this is kind a big problem because I am not a career woman. When I think of my ideal future, I see myself with a loving family more than a high-flying job. All I want out of my life is a big, loving family. Its like he is asking me to give up on my lifes dream and risk it all for him.

I probably scared him because we've only been going out a short while but imagine if I hadn't mentioned it until approaching my 25th birthday only then to hear he doesn't want children for another 5 years on top of that. I would kinda feel like I'd wasted 5 years of my life. I told him out right "I'm not waiting 10 years, you are not going to ruin my life!"

Afterwards he said "You're upset now aren't you?" and I said "No, not really, I'm more shocked than anything" and there were no arguments and we kissed goodbye etc. But I do still feel a bit weird.

Do you think I need to try and bring the subject up again or just leave it? (Would leaving it mean that I give in and that I would risk my fertility for him?) We are both stubborn people so I dunno what to say or do! I'm not sure he knows about womans fertility or anything, maybe he doesn't realise that in 10 years my fertility will be like half as good as it is now? (educated guess lol)

So am I overreacting? What do you all think about it?

Id say your rushing waaay into things. And yes you scared him; Jeeez if i'd have started taking about kids after 2 months my OH would have run a mile.

Just enjoy yourself and let things flow, and the most fertile stage isnt at 30. It doesnt matter what afe you are, you can still have trouble ttc, go take a look in the TTC sections here.
Id slow down a little hun x

I don't think you understood my post at all lol.

I did state I don't want kids right now and I didn't say the most fertile age is at 30. According to the website I was on last night, the ideal time is 25-29 and after 30 you can get increased fertility problems and higher chances of miscarriage and birth defects.

I wanted advice about the fact we both want slightly different things.

I would like to reiterate: I DO NOT WANT KIDS NOW lol!

It's fair enough to be thinking about the future etc, what were his reasons on why he wanted to wait? You never know he might want to achieve a few things before he starts thinking about becoming a father.
Don't talk to him in a pressuring way, and if his mind really isn't set on it for ten years then you can't blame him I guess.

He said we needed to get a house first and that we needed money which are both valid reasons, I agree. I just figured that we could achieve that in 5 years, not 10? Even if it isn't as achievable in 5, I personally would rather not risk my fertility.

I said to my mum, "If he doesn't want kids for another 5 years after I do, who am I to force him? I can't force him to have a child with me, I want him to want the child" so do I break up with him or what? It seems really stupid to do so because I still like him, but if I know now that we both want slightly different things... *sigh* I dunno! Maybe he doesn't realise how much having a family means to me.

Maybe leave it a week or two and approach the subject again?

Well im 18 and had a miscarriage. And my sister was 16 and her son was stillborn. It does NOT matter what age you are when you try to conceive. If your healthy and fit you shouldnt have a problem. If your going to struggle to conceive, you will - no matter what age. But like i say 2 months is very early to even bring up the subject of children. Of course he doesnt want to talk about it right now. I wouldnt bring up the subect of children again until you have been together at least a year. Not trying to sound harsh but if a guy i had been with for two months started going on about kids - id be straight out of there x

When i read your post i was thinking that you must have been with this guy for ages... but when you said you'd only been together 2 months it changed my views.

If you'd been with him for years and years then i'd say absolutely fair enough to you, but as you've been together a really short time, do you not think you're jumping the gun a bit?! If i were your OH i'd be absolutely terrified wether you want kids now or in five years...

You never know whats gonna happen in the next few years, months, weeks even! So i'd honestly say just chill out, enjoy being together and getting to know each other

Men are strange creatures I guess the don't have the built in broodiness that we do. When me and my OH first got together In August a month later I found out I was pregnant, he was completely against the idea, made it clear he wasn't happy. Sadly, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage In September, only 4 days after we had found out. I think only then he realised how dear having a baby was to me, I pretty much went into depression. This pregnancy wasn't planned either, but he was alot happier about it.
We are living with his mum now (we were living in a grotty council flat/room!) and he is getting a promotion. So we are financially better off.
You never know when you will get your own place, a promotion, extra money. You can't really put a time limit on it I guess.
You never know, in a couple years he may surprise you and say he wants to try.
You cannot really do anything if he does want to wait, if you always talk about it he will eventually get sick of the topic, or just agree so you stop asking,which isn't obviously the right reason.
It's a toughie hun, as you can never know what will happen
Sorry for the huge essay!

Charlotte - I'm perfectly aware that people of all ages can have miscarriages etc. but the medical experts are the ones who say that your chances of these things happening increase even more once you hit 30.

Also, I know James might have got a bit freaked out but he really needn't have because like I told him many times, I'm not looking to get pregnant now. I merely wanted to know for the sake of my future what his plans were so I could compare them against mine.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage

in 5 years time u'll be in a completely different stage of ur lives and ur relationship... its hard to say if he'll feel the same then as he does now...