I know this is a bit of a pointless thread but just wanted to get this out. Since i found out i was pregnant im basically billy no mates . Most of my friends came to c me wen i was pregnant to see me big and most have come to see me since Tommy was born to see him. But their just spectators now iykwim? I kinda accepted that i just wasnt their scene nemore and thought id be ok coz i still have Cav (my OH). I think of hi rlly as my best friend and wev always got on so well. We argue constantly and always have but in a jokey kinda way, we definatly never run out of stuf to say. But since iv had tommy things seemed to have change and i rly dnt no y.
We both agree we still love each other and want to be together but there r so many awkward pauses in convo i find myself having to think up conversation topics?? And hes always upstairs on his comp anyway so time we spend together is short and far between. He seems rlly distant and like he doesnt no wat to say to me. Since iv had tommy hes bin treating me like HIS mother. Like everything i say is having a go at him or just neeky?
And im aware that tbh im probly am acting more moany, i seem to have an obsession with 'getting things done' now - but now im actively trying not to i just feel fake.
So moaning all the time doesnt feel like me, but iv forgotten how to act like me? I cant think of what to say at nepoint and its getting me down. I rlly just want cav to cuddle up to me (lol) and say that im imagining it and everythings fine between us, its all in my head. Coz i cant help but worry we rnt gonna make it through all this and the more i worry the more strained i feel?
Dont get me rong, on the whole im so happy. Tommy is a perfect angel, iv got soooo lucky hes such an easy going content baby but im just soo desperate for things to be god for us 3 in the future.
I think my main problem is im putting too much focus on needing all my socialising from Cav.
I just miss having someone to sit around with and talk rubbish and bitch without feelin guilty or really meaning it and gossip about people we dont rlly no and just generally feel comfortable with. Now wenever i speak to ne "friends" i just feel like im having to prove to them that having tommy isnt a total disaster and im nt a failure gonna b a failure as a mum.
I just dont feel like i have ne1 i can actually be myself and relax around, i dont no ne other mums under he age of 35 and even tho i love this forum - its totally my lifeline on actually being able to talk to people - there is a big difference between tapping away on my laptop and speaking face to face and having a heart to heart with someone.
Sorry for all that, its so jumbled and im just spouting crap now.
Lol if youv got this far congrats and thank u - i just needed to get this stuff out my system xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

aww huni, i remember reading ur post before when u had just found out u were pg and quite far along, right? if so after reading ur thread maybe ur oh is finding it hard to adjust to being a parent so quickly....
ur feelings are quite normal after having a child, it's a strain on the strongest relationships.
try to talk to him about how ur feeling, alot of men feel pushed out as they then becomes 2nd to ur baby....not saying he is as i dont know u but it happens
i hope u guys sort things out and get back to your old selves soon, it takes a while to settle into your new roles and teething problem will happen along the way
give him and big hug and a kiss.....actions speak louder than words
xxxxx

hi hun, i don't know what to say really, but i didnt want to read and run..

me and my boyfriend argue constantly, and sometimes when we're having a conversation it will just be so dull and boring, god knows what our relationship will be like when our LO is here..

i too havent really got anyone to speak to, apart from my boyfriend who i class as my best friend, and i miss having that someone to bitch and moan about to too.

is there anywhere in your area that has a young mothers support group? or even just a parent and toddler group, im sure you will find someone under 35 also a great way of making new friends too, im hoping to find somewhere when LO is here, to get me out of the house too lol..

on a brighter note, i'm glad tommy is being such a little angel for you! you just wait until he's a teenager haha! only joking! :P

i hope everything works out for you hun xxx

Hey!

Sorry you're feeling a little down! Tbh I think having a baby puts a strain on any realtionship, even one that was almost perfect before! It's a big change, you're both probably tired a lot...and there is lots to do once a baby comes along. My OH says I nag him all the time...but sometimes don't think men always realise just how stessful it can be...and how much you just want to get things done!!

Are there any 'young mums' groups in your area?? Or even just a mum and baby group? Can be good to get out and about

Or is there anyone that could watch Tommy so you two could pop out on your own for a bit? As much as we lov our babies, sometimes we need some time out! Maybe would be good for you two to spend some quality time together? Although know you're bfing, so may not be possible!

HOPe things get better soon, i'm pretty sure they will xx

It's scary how similar I feel to you to be totaly honest. Like you, I became pretty friendless, they only came to see me once, just after Robyn was born and that was pretty much it, apart from maybe 2.
OH is always on his computer, and we don't seem to spend much time together either, and like you, I just want him to help me get things done. It always seems to end up in arguments mind.
You're totally not alone in feeling the way you do, have you spoken to your OH about just wanting some time you too when little one is in bed or something? Occasionally I'll manage to get my OH down to watch a film with me, or we'll have a chat in bed. Try not to worry too much, as you said, it just gets you more strained. It'll take a bit of time for everyone to adjust. Hope everything sorts itself out, and I'm really sorry that this may not make alot of sense :/

xoxox

Hey hunny, just thought Id leave my food for thought. I was 19 when got PG and 20 when DD was born. All my friends were still in university and into going out drinking etc and I found myself trying to fit in with them more and more. I was going through therapy as started to feel really depressed. I constantly worked too hard to proove to people that my life is brilliant...i can do this and that, be 20 and be a good mum to. I ended up going on 6 holidays, flying abroad for surgery,getting married, getting mortgage,and all the other days and nights out in between....Just to proove a point,I can do all this and still have a party holiday with my friends... but it wasnt until my therapist asked me why that I realised. I am happy to sit at home all weekend with my DD and hubby,and happy not to go on holiday at all, and I didnt need to proove it to anyone else,end of. So dont bother feeling like you have to proove your happy to other people, because at the end of the day,who cares... All that matters now is you,tommy, and his daddy.

With him playing on his computer alot. Talk to him about it. I have a real addiction to my laptop. Ive actually started asking hubs to hide it before Im home from work. I definatly think the key to holding a relationship down is having time as a couple, time to remember what its like to spend time together alone without any distractions from LO. What I tend to do now, maybe it would work for you to, is plan a night at the beginning of the week...Friday saturday, try to get a sitter, if not, just put babs to bed as normal then, erm, be a couple haha. Have a talk about your week. Rent a film? Bake a cake together and have a few drinks? Make a rule that no mobiles or computers will be involved and Im sure you will find you have more to say to eachother than you think :-) Technology has alot to answer for I think x

Just thought Id add... I dont mean cut out friends all together, as I do think you need occasional time away from family life, but they should be on the backburner. Try mother and baby groups. Or arrange a big meet online with all parents and LO's who feel the same, as long as its a very public place mind :-) Your definatly not alone, your a mummy,and thats a very time consuming job!! x

Thanx every1
I have just joined a young mums group, tbh tho even their i feel a bit of an outsider. They dont rlly seem to be much like me, different pple i think. Unfortunatly just having kids doesnt rlly giv us that much in common. They seem to resent their kids???
I just cant help but want to prove myself to every1. And Cav always has his mates over that USED to be my friends. Like he wouldnt actually talk to them if us 2 hadnt started going out but now its totally flipped round. Wen they come over i try n sit n talk to them but lyk i sed, i just dnt no wat to say and they dnt rlly no wat to say to me. They just have a story about how waste someone got/is going to get, festivals etc and i rlly cant join in. If they do talk to me its to ask wen im nxt cumin out drinking (duhh - im breastfeeding!) n thats it. SOmetimes sum1 asks with a concerned expression how im feelin but i can tell their only asking becoz they feel its the done thing, not coz they actually care. I no that sounds petty but i dont want sympathy or pity but i would like some concern. That myt not make ne sense coz im actually very happy with tommy and i dont need a shoulder to cry on or nethin. Just to feel like sum1 other that those biologically programed to actually gives a crap.
I no im a lot luckier than alot of people, i do havea gr8 support network from my family which i rlly do appreciate i just feel totally lost.
I rlly dont no who i am nemore, wat kind of person i am or nethin. If i could place myself i probably wouldnt care about other people being around.
Thats wats rlly bothering me.
God i talk alot lol...
xxx

I haven't been in the same situation as you, but I was married and do realize what I could have done differently to save the relationship. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe just think of how things were when you were first together, and try to get in that mindset. I know that would be tough with the baby there, but maybe the baby can be a glue that holds you together. Sharing cute moments, and precious things the baby does can be the conversation starter. I didn't want to read and run, but I hope it all works out for the best.

The others are right, it puts strain on even the strongest couples, im sure you will get through hun, i think hes just adjusting to being a new daddy! Its put strain on me and my oh as Ive been the moodiest bitch ever! I also have no social life now, my friends just dont bother anymore, i think because they find me boring now im sure you'll meet new people through your little one and it will get better good luck x