annawrigley

ive broken up with my boyfriend (well he broke up with me) who was violent to me for the majority of our relationship. i never said anything at the time to police or anything because i was scared of him and for some reason still loved him and wanted to be with him. but frankly im terrified for when LO arrives for him to be alone with him... i definitely want him to have supervised access, if even that, i know i cant stop him seeing his son completely but he certainly needs monitoring and im not comfortable at all with them being alone together...
does anyone know what the procedure for doing that is here?? (uk)
like would i have to have proof he'd been violent to me (because i dont.. apart from the odd picture of bruises i took for this very reason.. but that doesnt prove it was him) or just have to say it in court? and if he did have supervised access would it be supervised all the way through or after a certain amount of time would he be allowed to see his son unsupervised?
i really dont know what to do and its worrying me alot, hes an evil person who to do that to his pregnant 16/17 yr old gf should really not be trusted with any child, he has serious anger issues. any info would be appreciated like about how i go about doing it xx

aliss

Hi hun, I'm not a teen but work in policing and have dealt with domestic violence incidents frequently.

You will need to go to court to address custody and visitation issues. You can request supervised visitation but whether or not they grant it is up to a judge (I'm sorry, nobody here can really tell you whether or not it will happen!). If you have any friends that could attest to the anger/domestic violence issues in court then that could help.

The pictures of bruises will almost certainly not be considered as any evidence of domestic violence because those photos could have been taken at any time or anything. This would be a different situation had the police been called and saw the evidence (the actual bruising) at the time. Sorry. There is a great deal of false domestic violence accusations. especially during custody proceedings (he said, she said), so it makes it difficult for real victims to prove anything.

annawrigley

thanks, yeah its just frustrating because i know how much of a psycho he is and what hes capable of but i also know how manipulative he is and how he makes himself seem like such a nice caring guy. well most of my friends know exactly what hes like, cos i told them at the time but could that not seem biased as theyre my friends? also ive been speaking to his ex gf today who he apparently behaved similarly to, who said if it came down to it she'd go and say what he did to her too so its not just my word against his. also his mum knows he hit me cos she heard him do it and then me crying and came in once, she told me to ring the police but i wouldnt... not sure if she would back me up though, he is her "golden boy" and im pretty sure she'd just deny that ever happening. x

KA92

hey didnt wanna run and read

been in a simlilar situation myself with my ex so just wanted to give you a hug soo

I never went to the police...i just wanted to mov eon however, im sure if you alert them plus becasue youv spilt custody can been worked out and you can ask for him to have supervised visits...also, maybe a social worker (there nto all bad in case you though "oh no!") can help by assesing him (not you) and therefore providing more eveidence in your favour

hope this kinda helps

x

EmzyMathRuby

My ex was violent to me. A claim against him was made at the police station and he was charged.
My son is now 5 and he has never even tryed to get access (my son was 1 when I made the claim) I do worry that one day he may crop up and unfortunatly he has rights as he is on the birth cert :9 grr

If you ex is not on the birth cert it may make it a lil harder for him to get automatic parental rights hunny. Hugs x

Emma.Gi

I've not been in a similar situation and I am so sorry to hear that he was violent!!

I think you basically have to put across the fact that you want the FOB to see his son but only with supervised access and push that across alot, you shouldn't need a reason if you push it across. I would mention the violence if you feel comfortable mentioning it but if not just say that you wouldn't feel comfortable with your ex seeing your baby unsupervised.