I feel bad posting this as I know some of the women on here are TTC, but i needed some advise.
let me fill you in:
i'm 20, in a loving relationship, starting a new job working full time, on a lowish but ok wage, and i live in a shared house.
my boyfriend is nearly 23 and in his final few months of uni, working part time and he also lives in a shared house.
yesterday we found out i was pregnant (dispite being on the pill), i think it would make me about 6 weeks....(so thats 4 weeks since conception right?)
basically, we're stuck, the pregnancy wasn't planned - hence being on the pill. but we don't no what to do.
do we choose the selfish route, because we're not in a good financial position to support a child, and we don't want to have to change our plans of travelling.
or do we keep it and make a go of it. I've read some other posts, and i know you can get financial support.
when we found out we were both a bit blank, yesterday my bf told me he's more against keeping it, today he says he's had a think and although he's still not for keeping it, he's warming to the idea.
he believes his parents would disown him, he doesn't want to be a disappointment to them.
my mum had me when she was very young, so although she would be disappointed for me, she'd be their for us if we decided to keep it.
at the moment while we don't no what to do, only the 2 of us know.
theres a big part of me thats kind of embaressed to tell anyone, i really need some advise, but i dont feel i can tell my friends.
i'm kind of worried about an abortion...just because i dont no what my views are on it. but on the other hand, i dont no whether im kind of hoping if i ignore it it will go away....i know that wont happen!
my bf said he'd never force me into anything and would be there whatever my decision, his main concern is my well being.
i dont want this decision to be mine alone and i've told him that.
Also - should i go to a family planning clinic for advise....will they help? is it worth ringing nhs helpline...what do we do if we keep it....i have no clue!
basically, i just need some advise, on both decisions if possible, some of your own stories.
I'm eighteen. I got pregnant using protection and taking the morning after pill. I wasn't silly and no one thinks I am. I didn't make a mistake my baby was just a miracle. At first, my boyfriend was completely against it but I know I was against abortion and there was no way I could kill my baby. I wanted my baby. Something inside me told me that it was just meant to be and everything would be O.K. Now me and my boyfriend are arguing a little, disagreeing on some stuff, but we both want this baby.
I personally don't believe in abortion, but it is your choice at the end of the day.
Financially you would get government help/ tax credits/ child benefit and maybe housing benefit towards your housing.
As for travelling, really there is no reason why baby can't go with you. I took my son to spain and lived there a year when he was 2 yrs old. They have creches cheap abroad too.
Honestly, I knew straight away that I couldn't have an abortion. Keeping the baby on the other hand was a completely different thing. I've thought a few times about whether it would be better with someone else, happier with someone else. But, it happened for a reason and I know I'll know what that reason is one day. Maybe you'll find your reason? I think maybe you should try telling your mum. I know mine was disappointed but she couldn't have been more supportive. It helped knowing she would help me
If I were you I'd look at it from the point of view of how you would feel post abortion. Can you imagine yourselves being happy to go travelling and ready to start a family further down the line? And there is a risk of damaging future fertility with abortions isnt there? I'm not sure, but it's something to consider.
Speak to your Mum. Ask her advice. You need advice from those you trust right now. This is a big decision. Go to your doctor, get his/her advice. I saw my baby's heart beat at 6 or 7 weeks and that was a bit amazing....could that thought affect your decisions?
You've time to think so don't panic, but do read around. Maybe your boyf could also speak to his parents - surely they can't disown him for an accidental pregnancy? It's not like you're 15 and not using contraception.
No doubt a lot of people will try and tell you what is morally right and wrong. But what you need to do is ask the medical professionals and those you love for their advice - gather as much info as you can and then make the decision with your own heart - not your head. Only a heart felt decision can make you truely happy I say.
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The following user says 'Thanks' to tinytoes for this post:
Ignore the family stuff, the financial stuff, all the hard stuff, do you WANT the baby?
I echo this!
Your heart - what does your heart tell you?
In general even planning a baby when it happens its a shock and little worries come into it. We all have our incomes and outgoings so then theres a new baby BOOM how do you afford that *panic* the answer is you just do!! Theres ways to save money getting baby stuff sorted, sticking with essentials first of course ... Just happens, bubs fits in and its an amazing experience.
What do you do if you keep it? I don't understand the question I have to say - you carry and love you baby and YOU WILL love your baby and the bonding before birth is very special.
Talking to someone at the family planning clinic may be a good idea they will give you information on pregnancy, financial help available to parents & discuss termination and the posibilities of this - I don't know much info but I know termination can effect conceiving in the future for example.
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The following user says 'Thanks' to Wobbles for this post:
good luck, what ever you decide i think u need all the support you can get from your mom and boyfriend. i agree with the others deep down you will know what u want, so you just need to take some time to think........
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So hormonal!
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