I am not a teen but i need advice on how to help my teen neice.

she has just turnned 14 and her boyfriend is being rather forcefull in trying to get her to have sex.

i have had a good talk to her about it as she has a condition where if she got pregnant it could kill her.

she has come around to understanding that right now the risk far out weighs the few moments of joy. The only problem is the BOY!!!!! he keeps telling her how great it would be and lets do it. i have told her that there are other things to try first (they have only ever kissed a first for both of them) but once again she rings me to say he is being pushy again. he wants her to buy the condoms i told her to say to him if he is not man enough to buy them he is not man enough to have sex which she did and it seams to have stopped him for now.

i guess the help i need is on how to help keep telling him that she is not ready.
like i said before a Dr has told her that if she got pregnant she could die same if she had an abortion (its a blood disorder HHT) she can not go on the pill as the medication she has now will not work.

so any help/ ideas on how to keep his pants on would be great.

thanks

Tell her to ditch the guy IMO. He sounds like an arse who is quite obviously only after one thing. Hope she sorts something out x

i have tried that but she says she is in love

well its hard to have a boyfriend like that .. but if he loves her .. he wouldnt try and rush things. these type of things should happen on its own ... he shouldnt rush her into something she knows shes not ready for. if he really loved her .. he would wait till she was ready and wouldnt rush her.

Yes, to me he sounds shockingly thoughtless and inconsiderate... how could he love her and yet put her in a situation that could kill her? Knowing the risks of pregnancy or even abortion whilst so young, your niece has so, so much to cope with already.

But that said, I accept what you say about her being too in love with him to realise that.

What about some books, websites, music, DVDs etc about female empowerment, autonomy, choice etc? I was about 14 when I read Alice Walker and Maya Angelou and got all into 'womens rights' type issues. Is there any Australian literature/media aimed at encouraging teenage girls/young women to make their own choices around sex and sexuality?

Ultimately, though, your niece will come to a point at which she will be wanting a sexual relationship. By that point, she'll be needing to think and talk about contraception. Do you think she's mature or ready enough to see a doctor or clinic worker to discuss her options on this?

Do you think that part of why she's considering sex so relatively young might be as some form of rebellion or protest against her medical problems? If so, would some sort of counselling help her?

Anyway, just some thoughts. I should probably stress that I'm not a teenage mum either. And I think that they'll have far more thoughtful, relevant advice that me....

tell her that if she's serious about having sex she needs to be comfortable going to the gyno getting examined and getting on birth control (and I certainly wouldn't have been able to remember to take a pill every day at the same time). Condoms aren't the most effective thing either, I just got pg and we were using condoms, If my 26 year old hubby can mess up putting one on (he's so rushed sometimes ) then a 14 year old boy who's never used one certainly can.

Thanks for that i might try the female power route with her.

She knows she is not ready. i guess i feel sorry for her not only does she have him being and ass but she is dealing with her body changing which is made worse with her condition.

Thank you all for your help

When I was in your neice's situation, unfortunatly I found the only solution was to end the relationship. I said "no". I explained why. I explained how it was making me feel. That progressed to me explaining if he didn't stop I would dump him. Never let it be said I do not follow through with my threats.

If he won't take "no" for an answer, there's nothing she can do to make him stop. At that age, most boys only have one thing on their mind.

Unfortunately if the partners in a relationship don't feel the same way about sex, even at a young age, it usually is not a good sign that things are going to work out.. how long have they been together? Maybe you could tell her she should wait until 1 year or something, that way if it lasts that long, which it often doesn't when they're young... at least he's shown to be committed to her for 1 year and she can make him use a condom, etc at that point?