Dealing With Mother

KJunkie · Apr 13th, 2009, 21:50 PM

Ok, so my mother is very stubborn and overbearing. She is selfish and thinks that what she says should go .. no matter what! But, when it comes to my life and my child then she has no right or say about it. I wish she would just realize this!

First off, I am in an interracial relationship; to the dismay of my mother. I can't even explain how stressful she can be about all of this. I love this man, but it doesn't matter because he is African American. Therefore, he is not good enough. Well, that is COMPLETELY not true.

My OH and I plan on getting married before this baby arrives so that I DO NOT have to listen to my mother about giving this baby his last name. I mean; that is not the ONLY reason we are getting married, lol. We love each other dearly and want to spend the rest of our lives together .. but this will definitely eleviate some of our problems with my mother.

But, I have also told my OH that if we have a boy I will let the baby be a Junior. Of course, I have my love/hate relationship with this. I would like my child to have its own name for the most part; but it is extremely important to my OH and he has an adorable, simple name that I love. Therefore I am happy with that decision. (It has REALLY grown on me.) But, my mother says that there is NO WAY this baby is going to be a Junior.

She thinks she can rule EVERYTHING. Which is extremely annoying. I am 19 years old, and my entire life she has had this really dumb control over me. I do not know why ... I guess because I have ALWAYS been scared of her.

But, I want to stand up to my mom. I just need to do it gently and in a way that she wont completely go psycho. Any advice? Anyone in a similar situation?!

LilMama2be · Apr 14th, 2009, 00:51 AM

Aw hun

My mom used to have a lot of control over me too. I was a rebellious young teen though. But she gained more control after that was over with, and I don't really know how but she knows know that this is my child and I'm going to raise it, not her.
She doesn't want to raise her, and has said so, and probably realized "if I don't want to raise this child, I don't have control over some of the choices my daughter makes"
Maybe talk to her and say, you're going to be raising your baby with your OH and so therefore it's your guys' choice on what the baby's name is, and everything like that.

third time · Apr 14th, 2009, 04:44 AM

nikky0907 · Apr 14th, 2009, 05:55 AM

My mom is the same, controlling, overbearing and I guess she thought that my pregnancy would only affect her life.

CallieBert · Apr 14th, 2009, 09:29 AM

My mums been very supportive financially, but otherwise.... shes very hard to live with!
My little sister turned to me the other day and asked
''Callie can i be there when the baby is born''
Now answering a 4 year old that question was hard enough, but when she butted in with
''No!! I will be there'' it made it 100 times worse
Theres no WAY she'll be with me! I'd rather be on my own to be honest.
Its almost like she thinks the baby is hers!. She thinks she will be looking after him, and caring for him, almost like I am not capable!
I've learned to turn off from her now. Hes my child, it will all be the way I choose, Shes not worth it

and she'll learn that when he's born

KJunkie · Apr 14th, 2009, 16:59 PM

Thanks for the replies. Its good to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. Although I already knew that .. it still makes me feel better to actually read it. I guess I am just going to have to stand up to her; whether she gets mad or not. She will get over it, she always does. But, its just so frustrating along the way.

philly_bear24 · Apr 15th, 2009, 18:20 PM

You're not the only one hun, believe me. My mum has decided that I can't give the baby OHs last name and she went CRAZY when I even suggested it (despite the fact he is moving in with us and we've been together a LONG time). I think sometimes mothers like to think they still have control over our descisions...just remember, it's YOUR life and not hers!!!

sleepinbeauty · Apr 16th, 2009, 10:37 AM

ugh. I don't have this problem yet, but I'm sure I will someday. *hugs* hang in there. It's NOT her baby...if she keeps it up, maybe you need to point that out to her...

NewToThis_x · Apr 21st, 2009, 07:26 AM

Iv still got this to deal with yet so can't comment much but as everyone above has said its your baby, your 19 so not a child, and she really has no say in what goes for your's and your OH's baby and im sure she'l realise that in time..good luck with everything hun and keep us updated

shaunanicole · Apr 21st, 2009, 09:19 AM

You are absolutely right, this is your child NOT your mothers. Your hubby is a huge part of this baby. He helped create it and if it wasn't for him it wouldn't be in your tummy. Your mom has to realize that and get over it. You being in a interracial relationship shouldn't be a problem at all. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. No one can tell you who you are allowed to love. Pay no mind to your mother and let her words falls from your ears. You need to stay positive for this baby and make that very clear to her. You need to sit her down and underline what is NOT going to happen when you have this child. Be blunt, straight forward, and honest about it. Don't worry about whether or not she is going to get mad. What is important is you need to tell her how you feel about all of this. I wish you the best of luck hun! I trly hope your mother comes around and stops seeing your future husband for the color of his skin but for the man that is inside. You have my blessings and prayers.

Apr 13th, 2009, 21:50 PM	#1
KJunkie Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Missouri Posts: 640	Dealing With Mother Ok, so my mother is very stubborn and overbearing. She is selfish and thinks that what she says should go .. no matter what! But, when it comes to my life and my child then she has no right or say about it. I wish she would just realize this! First off, I am in an interracial relationship; to the dismay of my mother. I can't even explain how stressful she can be about all of this. I love this man, but it doesn't matter because he is African American. Therefore, he is not good enough. Well, that is COMPLETELY not true. My OH and I plan on getting married before this baby arrives so that I DO NOT have to listen to my mother about giving this baby his last name. I mean; that is not the ONLY reason we are getting married, lol. We love each other dearly and want to spend the rest of our lives together .. but this will definitely eleviate some of our problems with my mother. But, I have also told my OH that if we have a boy I will let the baby be a Junior. Of course, I have my love/hate relationship with this. I would like my child to have its own name for the most part; but it is extremely important to my OH and he has an adorable, simple name that I love. Therefore I am happy with that decision. (It has REALLY grown on me.) But, my mother says that there is NO WAY this baby is going to be a Junior. She thinks she can rule EVERYTHING. Which is extremely annoying. I am 19 years old, and my entire life she has had this really dumb control over me. I do not know why ... I guess because I have ALWAYS been scared of her. But, I want to stand up to my mom. I just need to do it gently and in a way that she wont completely go psycho. Any advice? Anyone in a similar situation?!

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2009, 00:51 AM	#2
LilMama2be Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Oregon Posts: 647	Aw hun My mom used to have a lot of control over me too. I was a rebellious young teen though. But she gained more control after that was over with, and I don't really know how but she knows know that this is my child and I'm going to raise it, not her. She doesn't want to raise her, and has said so, and probably realized "if I don't want to raise this child, I don't have control over some of the choices my daughter makes" Maybe talk to her and say, you're going to be raising your baby with your OH and so therefore it's your guys' choice on what the baby's name is, and everything like that.

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2009, 04:44 AM	#3
third time Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Stockport, UK Posts: 1,420

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2009, 05:55 AM	#4
nikky0907 Mum (Mom) Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: New England, USA Posts: 11,326	My mom is the same, controlling, overbearing and I guess she thought that my pregnancy would only affect her life.

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2009, 09:29 AM	#5
CallieBert Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 457	My mums been very supportive financially, but otherwise.... shes very hard to live with! My little sister turned to me the other day and asked ''Callie can i be there when the baby is born'' Now answering a 4 year old that question was hard enough, but when she butted in with ''No!! I will be there'' it made it 100 times worse Theres no WAY she'll be with me! I'd rather be on my own to be honest. Its almost like she thinks the baby is hers!. She thinks she will be looking after him, and caring for him, almost like I am not capable! I've learned to turn off from her now. Hes my child, it will all be the way I choose, Shes not worth it and she'll learn that when he's born

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2009, 16:59 PM	#6
KJunkie Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Missouri Posts: 640	Thanks for the replies. Its good to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. Although I already knew that .. it still makes me feel better to actually read it. I guess I am just going to have to stand up to her; whether she gets mad or not. She will get over it, she always does. But, its just so frustrating along the way.

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2009, 18:20 PM	#7
philly_bear24 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Chester Posts: 252	You're not the only one hun, believe me. My mum has decided that I can't give the baby OHs last name and she went CRAZY when I even suggested it (despite the fact he is moving in with us and we've been together a LONG time). I think sometimes mothers like to think they still have control over our descisions...just remember, it's YOUR life and not hers!!!

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2009, 10:37 AM	#8
sleepinbeauty Waiting To Try (WTT) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: NY, USA Posts: 3,298	ugh. I don't have this problem yet, but I'm sure I will someday. hugs hang in there. It's NOT her baby...if she keeps it up, maybe you need to point that out to her...

Status: Offline

Apr 21st, 2009, 07:26 AM	#9
NewToThis_x Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 166	Iv still got this to deal with yet so can't comment much but as everyone above has said its your baby, your 19 so not a child, and she really has no say in what goes for your's and your OH's baby and im sure she'l realise that in time..good luck with everything hun and keep us updated

Status: Offline

Apr 21st, 2009, 09:19 AM	#10
shaunanicole Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Deltona, Florida Posts: 3,152	You are absolutely right, this is your child NOT your mothers. Your hubby is a huge part of this baby. He helped create it and if it wasn't for him it wouldn't be in your tummy. Your mom has to realize that and get over it. You being in a interracial relationship shouldn't be a problem at all. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. No one can tell you who you are allowed to love. Pay no mind to your mother and let her words falls from your ears. You need to stay positive for this baby and make that very clear to her. You need to sit her down and underline what is NOT going to happen when you have this child. Be blunt, straight forward, and honest about it. Don't worry about whether or not she is going to get mad. What is important is you need to tell her how you feel about all of this. I wish you the best of luck hun! I trly hope your mother comes around and stops seeing your future husband for the color of his skin but for the man that is inside. You have my blessings and prayers.

Status: Offline

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