Nosy_Cow

I've been thinking of making a complaint to the hospital since Chloe's funeral. We had asked the funeral home to collect her the day before the funeral and told them that we wanted her name tags back (the ones on her feet). I had seen one on her right foot the day after she was born when visiting her in the chapel of rest. I wanted this back.

When we went to see her coffin in the chapel of rest at the funeral home we were told that there wasn't any name bands on her feet. I know I saw it even my partner saw it! We even told the midwife who was there at the time that we wanted it! Now I'm panicking. I know it probably sounds stupid but how do they know they got the right baby! If she had no name tags on her how do they know that it was Chloe in that coffin? How do we know that there isn't a different baby in Chloe's grave?

It's been playing on my mind more and more but I don't know what to do! My partner said it's up to me but doesn't want me getting upset if I start going into it all again. His actual words were "Is it worth being put through the grief though?" I understand what he's saying but I can't help but think that Chloe's still the hospital somewhere - alone and wondering why we abandoned her!

I know I'm being silly and that's why I'm unsure about making a complaint but at the same time I don't think I can rest until they tell me what happened to her name band!

aliciasmommy

I myself am searching for a long ago answer to one of my questions so I can"put it to rest" so to speak. When I get results I will share. Only YOU can know if that's a step you need to take. I will be thinking of you.

UKMummy

I am very sorry to hear this.

Might be worth finding out the procedure from hospital to funeral parlour to grave so you'll find out at what point the tage could have been removed. Call the hospital and the funeral parlour. In fact I would be tempted to to call a different funeral parlour as had the funeral parlour you used taken the tag off by mistake then they might be a bit economical with the truth and simply blame the hospital. I hope what I have written here makes sense. I hope you find the answers and the truth. Take care.

lisa_33

aww thats such a horrible thing to have going through your head. im sure its unlikely but i think you should find out for you own peace of mind, its not something you can worry about for the rest of your life.
i hope you get the answers you need hunny xxx

Coffee

I've been thinking about this post all last night and this morning, since i read it. Oh hun... I sort of know a little bit of how you feel - i had a bit of an issue with a blanket (long story and i wont bother going into it!) so i do know how something which might seem very small to the outside world, like a tag or a blanket can feel like a huge big deal to us.
I just wanted to say that despite how i feel about my hospital and how absolutely disgraceful i think the NHS are, i always felt that my baby was well looked after, after i'd said goodbye to her. Thankfully all this isn't so common that the mortuary will have had many babies in there. I'd put my last pound down that Chloe was the only one in there and i am sure they will have looked after Chloe so well, they really will.
By all means, you have to do what you feel is right and if that means making a complaint to the hospital then do it i say! We all have enough regrets right now i am sure, the last thing you want is yet another regret to feel in the future. The only caution i would say is that i can't help thinking that you will probably never find out what happened to the band now. The hospital should have taken more care to make sure you got it when you asked for it... but they didnt.... chances are that band is long gone now. Hope that doesnt sound harsh? I just know how frustrating it can be fighting the hospital and i'm not sure i can see you will ever get the answer you want?
Hope this helps hun, thinking of you xxx

Nosy_Cow

That's why I'm unsure about complaining. I'm never going to get the band back now - so what's the point

I'm not sure if she was the only one. I know a lady from the SANDS support group lost her little girl on the 24th July but I'm not sure when her funeral took place. So they may or may not have been in at the same time. But this makes me feel a little better. For some reason I had it in my head there would be like loads of babies there - but of course there wouldn't be! A couple at the most.

Thanks ladies. Still not decided whether to complain or not yet but I'll probably leave it. Might just make a complaint to the midwife she'll get it across I'm sure.

Thanks again!

natp18

Hi Hun
My computer is playing up so hopefully you get the post this time. Your being far from silly I had similar concerns and these things can always play on your mind unless you address them. I like you wanted my angel bands/tags too. I put my request in writing because medical staff can be useless. I called the mortuary where Lillie was having her post mortam and the lovely mortuary woman explained there procedure to ensure I got Lillies bands/tags when the funeral directors collected her. The hospital mortuary manager told me the following:

The bands/tags always remain on baby from the start when they are born to the point when they physically hand baby over to the familie funeral directors,when baby is collected they(the hospital mortuary) either remove the tags and give them to the funeral director or put them in babys file,as some parents can request these and other articles such as photos they may of taken.

I am not sure if they follow this procedure at your hospital but its worth asking as they may have them for you. I would always contact the mortuary manager and not the midwifes in instances like this . Hope this all makes sense and helps xxxx

babybaillie

Im a nurse, and when we deal with a dead patient we wash them all and everything is removed from there body. They are then all wrapped up to be taken to the hospital morgue. 2 nurses confirm the body and it is sent down with id. I would imagine the name tags would have been removed b4 the baby was taken to the funeral home.

These sort of items are very precious. I would contact the hospital. You may find they are in her notes.

Hope you get it sorted

Nosy_Cow

Thanks for all your help ladies!

After reading what you all said I decided to contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) at my hospital. I sent them an e-mail explaining my situation and what I thought might happen (that the hospital may have taken it off and put it with her notes) and I've just received an phone back from them.

Apparently for Northampton General Hospital the mortuary do not take the tags off. They leave them on for the funeral home as they are needed to be identified before the body is allowed to leave the hospital. The mortuary have checked their notes and it says that she left the hospital WITH the bands. They made it quite clear that they may have fallen off when she was moved because she was so small! This has just made me feel terrible!

I feel terrible for asking the hospital and terrible because her bands are missing. Would the funeral home have plain forgotten about it? Should I put in a complaint to them now? I'm in such a mess now I can't stop crying! The man from the cobblers phoned to tell me Chloe's plaque was ready for her cross (so she'll finally have her name up on her grave ) and I burst into tears! He wouldn't stop apoligising! I had to try and explain it wasn't him!

The lady on the phone said she'd hope she would give me some "closure" but it's made me feel worse! Now I really don't know where to go. I know it isn't the hospital but can the funeral home really do anything?

Coffee

Awww hun, i am so sorry to hear this.
I was so pleased for you when the other girls replied and thought your hospital would still have the bands. I have been waiting to hear if you got them back or not.
If it was me i would definitely go back to the funeral home and tell them what you know and try again. Its a long shot, but its worth trying?
Oh i am so sorry hun.... i dont know what else to say.... xxxx